Seriously. I don’t have any words. I have been sitting here staring at a blank page for a while now and I find I don’t really have anything to say.
Yet I feel obligated to my commitment…to put into words every day what is happening in this, my experience. My next chapter. But I feel kind of grumbly this morning. I don’t feel like connecting my life to God’s word and being encouraged. I just feel like sitting in the grumble.
That made me laugh a little. I pictured four- or five-year-old me, arms crossed, brow furrowed, bottom lip protruding. I am mad. And I want you to know it. Kind of endearing on a five-year-old. Not so cute on a 48-year-old.
And why am I grumbly? I really have no excuse.
Except that today is going to be full of details and doing and it’s not really in my control or on my time frame. I am going to have to be flexible. We’ve got a college finances question to work out, but the office doesn’t open until 9. We have items to purchase. I have a doctor’s appointment. None of it is really huge, or life-altering. It’s just the stuff of life.
Wait. I could be onto something. I will be doing today. I will actually be doing quite a bit of doing. And, darn it, I’m getting used to being.
Wait. The thought just occurred to me that I have always kept doing and being separate from one another. What if I could introduce them to one another? What if I could internally be still while externally doing? What if in the midst of this hectic day I could have an inner calm that governed all my actions and interactions. Wouldn’t that change my experience? Wouldn’t that even re-frame my doing?
This, my friends, is what we in the field of education call a ‘teachable moment’. I think I am about to get schooled.
Isaiah 26:12 Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us.
So, the Lord accomplishes everything for me. It is not me doing, controlling, earning my value. It is Him accomplishing, providing, redeeming, protecting.
I just get to “stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give [me]… [I won’t] be afraid; [or] be discouraged …the Lord will be with [me]” 2 Chronicles 20:17.
So, I don’t have to be grumbly. I can be at peace, the peace that God established inside of me. I can still do, but in a way that is more like watching God provide the answers. I will be still today in the doing. At least I will try.