Good Grief, pt. 2-ish

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Just shy of four months ago, I was taking my mom on the last trip of her life. A week later, I was watching her die.

Over the summer, I led the cleaning out of her house and the distribution of her belongings to her children, her grandchildren, and then to the small community she lived in for almost sixty years.

Last weekend, my brothers and I met at the home she and my stepfather purchased 50 years ago and cleaned it out from top to bottom, inside and out. This past week it went on the market.

It’s all part of the process, part of saying goodbye — to sort through the detritus, to touch each pair of socks, each food storage container, each bottle of household cleaner, each pillow case, each box of baking soda, each pair of reading glasses — to acknowledge that life was here, but is no more.

This process, the sorting through, is what spurred Anderson Cooper on to creating his podcast All There Is. He was going through the boxes of artifacts left by his mother, his father, and his brother, and grieving those various losses when he made the vulnerable and generous choice to document the process and share it with the masses — all the raw emotion of it.

My experience was somewhat different than that of Anderson Cooper. The sorting through, for me, was almost mechanical. The task at hand shifted me into “do it” mode in such a way that I almost disconnected from emotion — almost forgot that what I was doing was packing up and putting away a life. A whole live. My mom’s life.

And because I got immersed in that task — the sorting, the putting away, the distributing, the cleaning — I almost forgot to feel, to cry, to grieve. But my heart was not forgetting — no. It was hemorrhaging. And all the time I was reaching high shelves, clearing back corners, and surveying spaces that hadn’t been attended to in years, my wounded soul was trying to get my attention, wanting to talk about this colossal loss, wanting to cry, wanting to be soothed.

But doing, (we’ve been over this so many times in this space) seems so much more satisfying than feeling — completing a task so much more gratifying than processing loss, clearing a space so much more enjoyable than opening myself up to the experience of grief.

However…however…this is not really my first loss, is it? This is not my only devastation. I am not an inexperienced child. No. I am an aging woman who has seen what can happen when you ignore pain. So, I’ve been leaning in.

My people know me, so not one, but two — TWO — of my close friends gifted me with journals in the last few months. And while I haven’t been posting much, I have been methodically filling pages each morning — remembering, feeling, opening up the dark spaces and back corners of me. I’ve been taking out old memories, dusting them off, and repositioning them in my consciousness. I’ve been tossing out clutter, and distributing information to those who might find it useful, and guess what I am finding….

Openness. Space. Room for other areas of my life to expand and move into the places I have cleared out.

I have had support in this interior decluttering and inventory.

I’ve had my therapist who I continue — for going on seven years now! — to see every two to four weeks. I’ve not been in crisis that whole time — no — but a soldier like me needs a paid, professional, accountability partner, a dedicated time, a spot on the calendar where she is forced to stop, to put down her pack, and to reflect on what is happening on the inside, apart from the doing.

I’ve had my husband and my friends who have asked me, really, how I am doing and have allowed me the space to cry, to say the words I need to say, and to remember. One day, in the office of my principal who I also consider a friend, I choked up a bit and tried to quickly pull myself together so we could continue our meeting. She paused me and said, “Let’s not move on so quickly. Tell me one memory you have of your mother.” What a gift to help me shift into valuing those moments of emotion rather than trying to run from them.

And, unexpectedly, I’ve had Anderson Cooper. In his podcast, Cooper has etched out time to process his own losses and also to engage in conversations with others who are devasted by grief — to share the experience, to normalize loss and grief, and to give language to the absence, to the longing, to the gratitude, to the hurt. He’s been making this podcast for several years, so for a while, I was listening to an episode a day on my drive into work. Engaging with those who were discussing their losses gave me the time on my commute to process some of my own grief before heading into a day of listening to and caring for the needs of others. 10/10 would recommend.

And, as I’ve mentioned, I’ve had my writing — lots of private and a few public pages to process what is going on, and still, it doesn’t feel 100% real. Still it is ethereal.

But this last week, real got a little bit real-er, because the house — Mom’s house, the house she and Roger purchased in 1976 when they got married, the house I moved into the summer before 5th grade, the house my kids all travelled to for visits with Grandma and Papa, the house I’ve been driving “home” to since I left in 1984 — that house was listed this past week for sale. Soon it will no longer be ours.

It’s weird, and a little sad, but it’s not heartbreaking — not the sale of the house.

No heartbreaking was watching my mom suffer with pain the last many years. Since she was diagnosed with leukemia and had to do chemo, she has had to deal with excruciating pain which was likely a chemo side effect. It was constant — the head pain and more recently, the leg pain. She tried botox, pain meds including the controlled kind. She went to the pain clinic, did infusions, but nothing could more than temporarily give her relief.

It was heartbreaking to watch her suffer, but also to watch her life shrink down, which it did as she lost her sight in one eye and, therefore, her ability to drive. For a gal whose love language was gift giving, her loss of access to a car (and shopping!) was a crushing blow. Her limited vision also meant an end to reading for a woman who once chugged through books like some folks binge series on Netflix.

Her life was diminishing, and she knew it. She had become limited to one floor of that 5-bedroom home — pushing her walker from bedroom to kitchen to bathroom to recliner. She had to have known she was getting ready to take her leave because she pulled her kids together and insisted — insisted –– that we make it possible for her to go see her sister. The four reluctantly agreed, booked flights, made arrangements, and put the wheels in motion.

It was heartbreaking to select her outfits and carefully pack them in her bag — in past trips she would’ve shopped and selected color-coordinated outfits for each moment of this journey and packed them carefully with designated socks, purses, and jewelry.

It was gut-wrenching to put moisturizer on her face and do her hair for her before helping her into her clothes, guiding her down the stairs, buckling her into the car, and wheeling her into the airport.

It was devastating to witness her nausea and pain throughout the trip, to alter plans as she realized her limitations, and to see fully and in person the reality of her existence.

It was tender, so tender, to see two octogenarian sisters hug and commiserate, then sad, so sad, to watch them say goodbye. It was stressful, so stressful, to reverse all the steps to get her back to her own home safe and sound.

And then, once she had done what she had wanted to do, it was a lesson to watch her acquiesce to the inevitable — to agree to hospice, to quietly wait for the professionals to do what they do, to brighten and smile for visitors, and to continue to engage with the people she loved. She did all of that until she couldn’t any more.

That really happened. It was entirely real — downright visceral.

So, I put words to the experience. I document reality. It’s a way to marry feeling with doing. It’s the only way I know.

And then I step back into the present– away from my keyboard — and I join the humans who still exist in my life. We speak of connection, of creativity, of courage, of love. We gather in community, and we worship. Then, when I consider it all, even with the loss and the heartache, it is well with my soul.

May it be well with yours, too.

Changing Pace

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Maybe it’s because I turned 60 a few months ago, maybe it’s the experience of spending 10 days in Europe, or maybe it’s the loss of my mother. Probably it’s a combination of all of those factors among others, but whatever the cause, I have the sensation that I have been lifted into space and then repositioned into my life in such a way that my perspective has shifted.

People often report, in the midst of the upheavals of life, that they feel disoriented — they can’t establish where it is they are situated inside of their own lives. Activities that once seemed rote now feel foreign. Items in their homes that they’ve had for years seem strange and unfamiliar.

I wonder if they were lifted into space, too?

It served a purpose — this momentary travel — it set me back into my life like a dollhouse character who had been facing only one direction and has now been given a brand new vantage point.

Most notably, as I was suspended in space, I must’ve gotten a glimpse of some kind of timeline because I’m now aware of being clearly past some arbitrary half-way point. This clarity has slowed down the way I take life in — it’s as though for years I had been set at a playing speed of 1.25x and now, I’ve been recalibrated to .99x, just a smidge slower than actual time. And I’m not irritated by it! I’m so very curious about how the slowing gives me just enough extra time to see a facial shift, to hear an intonation, to notice a change in posture. It’s surreal. And I’m not used to it.

This phenomenon is most notable in my work life where I have characteristically moved with urgency and intentionality. I walk briskly down hallways. I speak quickly in conversations — often cutting off other speakers. I hurry to meet deadlines. I rush.

Mrs. Rathje, the educator, has definitely, for most of her career been set at a minimum 1.25x speed with the one exception of when autoimmunity appeared. That time was also surreal because I abruptly and involuntarily shifted to .75x which was extremely frustrating. I couldn’t get work done. I couldn’t think clearly. I couldn’t perform how I wanted to perform. I couldn’t keep up.

So, as you may know, if you have been following along, I sat down.

I then took six years to learn a new rhythm, to try to be more intentional, to take breaks, to find balance. And, in many ways I have. I mostly leave work at work and do better at leaving home at home. However, while my home speed has been for the past many years closer to 1.0x — you know, actual real time– my work speed has creeped up as my health has improved. This last year in particular, when my mother’s health was declining, when I was tackling a new role, when I was navigating so much that was outside of my control, my work speed definitely got frantic and I found myself humming along, at times, at 1.25x.

I can do it in bursts, but guys, it’s not sustainable. Not for anyone, and especially not for someone whose body has imposed a speed limit and has cops on duty to shut it down if things get out of hand.

By the grace God, the literal and undeniable grace of God, at the end of the last school year — that frantic and stressful year — my body allowed me to take my mom on a brief trip to see her sister and then to stay and care for her for the last 12 days of her life.

And then I was lifted into space and set back down with a different viewpoint.

The summer was weird — I was mostly disoriented and processing this loss, which is likely obvious from my last many posts. But this past week, after the luxury of a work-from-home summer, I returned to my team. The leaders of our organization gather every year for several days to talk data, strategy, trajectory, and such. We then get a list of deliverables to accomplish in the next two weeks before our teachers report in. Last year, at these meetings, my stepfather had just passed away. I was spending a lot of mental energy caring for my mother while simultaneously adapting to a new supervisor and an expanded role. It was a lot. So, I did what Mrs. Rathje knows how to do, I tucked in and got to work. So began a very stressful and frantic year.

This past week was very different. I was so glad to be back in the midst of my team — the familiar, the confident, the determined. And I was stunned to find myself operating at .99x. I saw myself observing more, listening more. I was not butting in or raising my hand to contribute. I was responding, not reacting. I was not frantic. I was not rushing.

And, more shocking, I was feeling things. I was — dare I say — present to what was happening around me. I was aware of the coworker on his first day back after burying his brother. I was mindful of another — so young — with a new diagnosis of cancer. I was able — much to my surprise — to tolerate a talkative seatmate. I endured — without comment — a subpar presenter.

I engaged. I didn’t phase out. For hours at a stretch. Three days in a row! It was interesting.

Yesterday, we reported to my building early. We were planning an open house for our community — a relationship building event where we would offer resources, allow enrollments, provide sports physicals, and simply gather. The event wasn’t until the afternoon, but we needed to set up so we met first thing and then dispersed to take care of tasks.

Because I still had a long list of deliverables to accomplish back at my desk, I thought I could quickly do my part for the open house — gathering books and other items for our giveaway — and then retreat to my air conditioned office. The day was hot, and our building is old and not air conditioned, and for some reason, I temporarily got bumped up to 1.25x. I rushed to the room where our surplus books are stored. I rifled through and gathered a supply. I tacked on an additional step that no one asked me to do — replenishing our classroom libraries– which took extra time and effort, and finally returned to my office drenched in sweat.

Why did I hurry? No one knows. It was only 10:00am. The open house wouldn’t start until 3. I had plenty of time — still!– to knock out some items on my administrative list. I could’ve easily moved at a slower pace — taken my time — been more intentional — played a little music — enjoyed the morning. But something about being in that space, jarred me back to high speed. It wasn’t terrible — I got a lot done– but the result was that by the time the families and students arrived, I was spent. I had literally no gas left in my tank. I wasn’t running at any speed at all.

Now, don’t get me wrong — I greeted students. I spoke with families. I stayed to the end and helped clean up. I survived.

But here’s the thing. From where I am now standing, survival is no longer good enough. I have to find a way to keep in mind that the days and the moments are numbered — and the number isn’t all that high any more. If I rush through the tasks and the moments and the days, I will arrive at the end sweaty and exhausted.

And, that wouldn’t be terrible. I won’t mind if I am sweaty and exhausted if I am still able to notice the shift in someone’s mood, to see a change in their countenance, to hear the tenderness in a voice.

I won’t get that at 1.25x. I already know.

Teach us to count carefully the days of our short lives.
    Then we will be wise in how we live. Psalm 90:12

My immortal* family

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

I used to brag, “people in our family don’t die!” It was true at the time — kind of. I was 24 years old before I lost a family member, and then it was my 95 year old great grandmother who I’d had the joy of knowing my whole life — her chutzpah, the glimmer in her eye when she said something borderline mischievous, her passion for the Detroit Tigers, her ability to bake the most fantastic cookies, and her palpable love for her family.

In my mind, 95 years old was an appropriate time to exit this life, so my belief in my family’s relative immortality continued.

We didn’t lose another family member until I was 41 — you read that right, forty-one. I had all my children and a developing career when my grandmother and then my grandfather passed away within three months of each other at the ages of 90 and 94 after 71 — yes, seventy-one — years of marriage. I was saddened by the loss of this pair who always made me feel loved, who were always waiting, nose pressed against the glass, for us to arrive at their home. We always had elaborate meals, we always received thoughtful gifts, and we always were welcomed with a warm embrace. I was saddened by their deaths but not devastated. Again, they had lived long rich lives and had reached nonagenarian status.

Certainly, you see my point — our family was blessed with longevity at least, if not immortality, right?

The pattern continued when we lost my dear Uncle Louis in January of 2021. He was just shy of 93, had been married to my Aunt Margaret for over 71 years, and likely only left us when he did because of Covid. The saddest part of losing him, to me, was watching his funeral over a live stream, knowing that I wouldn’t again get one of his enveloping compression hugs, see love well up in his eyes, or hear his soft and deep baritone voice.

Again, I was sad, but my thesis held — people in this family don’t die — at least not until they are in their 90s!

However, my theory was challenged in 2024 when first my mother-in-law and then my step-father were diagnosed within days of each other with cancer. My mother had “survived” leukemia a few years earlier, which had strengthened my claim, but these diagnoses seemed different — they were accompanied by words like stage and surgery, chemotherapy and prognosis, metastasis and hospice.

My theory started to wobble when, in October of 2024, my mother-in-law succumbed to cancer a few months after my stepfather emerged from a four-week hospitalization. By August of 2025, he, too, had left us. She had been just 88; he only 80.

And just like that, my theory got an asterisk. Yes, they had had long lives, but they did die, and they hadn’t made it to 90.

The following January, my Aunt Margaret was five days past her 96th birthday when she took her leave. Her death bolstered my original belief — she had lived and loved for way longer than she had ever imagined and was ready to join Uncle Louis. My heart ached with her passing, but not because I was surprised, more because her love was real and unconditional. She had always been in my life — always — and I couldn’t picture a reality without her. However, she had, like my grandparents and great grandmother lived well into her 90s — this was how I had come to believe life worked.

What I didn’t see coming was that my own mother — just 84 — would leave us just four short months later, that my brother-in-law — still in his 70s! — would pass away within the next thirty days, or that my theory, my bold statement that “people in our family don’t die” was crumbling to the ground — with or without an asterisk!

Of course, I always knew this would eventually be true. My proclamation was really one of amazement and thankfulness — an acknowledgement that while I witnessed loss in the lives of my friends and especially my coworkers and students on a regular basis, our family had seemed immune, protected, exempt, if even for a while.

I remain thankful for this — even in the midst of this summer of grief — because still, what a blessing that the youngest family member we have lost was in his 70s, that so many of us have gathered to celebrate these lives, that so much love continues, that so much opportunity remains.

This season has made me reflective about my life and much more aware of its brevity. I find myself feeling the need to look in folks’ eyes a little longer, to answer questions with more vulnerability, to listen to what my loved ones say — and to what they don’t say, to build stronger connections, to celebrate milestones, to enjoy those who are still in our lives.

I’m realizing that I’ve taken so much for granted over the years. Perhaps because I have rarely lost people in my life, I have come to believe that they will always be there — I don’t have to rush to say how I feel, I can hold a grudge if I like, I can put off a visit until next week or month or year. And for the most part, my life has proven to me that this is true.

Even as we’ve lost folks over the last few years, I’ve had so much opportunity to say what I’ve needed to say — we’ve had information and time to sit at bedsides, to hold hands, to provide care and tenderness, to send our people off with love. We’ve haven’t gotten it all right, but we’ve had chance after chance to try.

This is uncommon.

Two days before my mother passed away, a former student of mine was in a car accident and, at 22 years of age, lost his life. No one was prepared. No one got to say, I love you, I forgive you, We’ve got this, We’re all good. He went out one night for the evening and then he was gone.

That is more common than we’d like to believe.

People in all of our families die — even if they haven’t yet. We can lose them when they are 90 or 22 or — unbelievably — when they are much, much younger. The people we love, or resent, or have beef with will all leave us — there is no other way. We will leave them, too.

And because we don’t know when this will happen…

We must say the thing we are thinking — out loud,

send the note.

forgive the offense.

rebuild the connection.

overlook the slight.

lavish on love and grace.

For much of my mother’s life, she was wracked with guilt over one big choice she made that forever changed the trajectory of our family. She punished herself daily and resided in a place of shame and regret.

For most of my adult life, I have seen her through a lens of frustration. Please, Mom, let this go. Forgive yourself. This shame is destroying you. It’s impacting everyone around you.

Almost the moment she died, I saw her through a different lens. I won’t say it’s awe, but rather recognition that while she was heaping so much shame on herself, she had nothing but acceptance, encouragement, and pride for all of us — her kids and her grandkids and really everyone else in her life.

I must’ve seen it sooner, but I didn’t recognize it until she was gone.

I don’t know how much life I have left — maybe 35 years, maybe 35 days — but I want to live with the knowledge that each interaction, each exchange, each moment is valuable, irreplaceable, fleeting, and miraculous.

I’m still thinking about how this might re-order my days. I mean, I’m still pretty committed to binge-watching shows, completing my New York Times puzzles, and reading novels, but I’m hoping for more moments with those that I love — more chances to share space and air — more opportunities to say I love you, and you matter to me.

Because I’m finally admitting that we are not, in fact, immortal.

Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
    Remind me that my days are numbered—
    how fleeting my life is. Psalm 39:4

Giving it Away

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

If you walked into my house right this minute, saw a coffee cup you liked, and asked me where I got it, I might send it home with you. I might do the same with a sweater, a plant, or a book on my shelf. I am the same way at school. If a student or colleague needs something — Motrin, a snack, a notebook, a pair of socks, lotion, or $5 — if I have it, I am likely to insist that they take it.

I wasn’t born this way. I learned this behavior from my mom.

She, of course, made sure that my siblings and I had everything we needed in our childhood — food (even if it was French toast for dinner), clothing (even if it was on clearance or we had to put it on layaway), a house to live in (even if it was an unglamorous two bedroom apartment that one summer), and medical attention (including all the pairs of glasses I abused while growing up). I don’t know how she did it, to be honest, not on her pay from working as a unit clerk at a small community hospital. She did have monthly child support checks from my dad, but those probably covered groceries — there were four of us!

Nevertheless, she was a master of giving — birthday gifts, Christmas presents, and virtually anything she had that she thought you might want or need.

My first memory of this was when I was 18 (although I am sure it wouldn’t take much effort to conjure up earlier examples). It was my high school graduation night and what with senior banquet and prom and such, I hadn’t planned anything to wear under my cap and gown. I didn’t find anything in my closet, so I moved on to my mom’s. This was not an obvious choice because my mom was barely 5’2″ and shall we say a little rounded at the edges. I was a 5’6″ teenager! But, I found a simple dress in her closet, tried it on, and — Bingo!

“Mom, can I wear this dress tonight?”

“Sure! You can just have it!”

She was never possessive of her things — she held them loosely, even when she didn’t have much. Whenever, as adults, we left her house, we took with us storage containers full of food in cloth totes. She was always finding us things that might be useful around our homes – cleaners, decor, tools, or foods we might like to try.

She sent us care packages of socks and candles and candy and gift cards. In fact, she coordinated her church’s initiative to send care packages to college students. Every Christmas she mixed, cut out, and hand decorated dozens of cookies so that everyone she loved could get their own supply. She never missed a birthday, anniversary, or any kind of holiday without at least sending a card. Actually, the night before she died, she signed a sympathy card for her neighbor whose sister had just died. Giving was her joy.

So, last week, as I worked through her house, it wasn’t difficult to imagine people having her things — a granddaughter having a ring, a daughter taking some cherished photos, and her son taking the wooden bench that sat inside the front door. This all seemed right.

One granddaughter agreed to take bedroom furniture that has been handed down now five generations. Another took the Fiestaware that mom had collected piece by piece over the years. One by one, folks spoke up and took knick knacks, dish ware, and other items that Mom had treasured over the years.

I posted some items for free or for a little cash on Facebook Marketplace. One gentleman came for TV trays and left with those plus a shower chair plus a few random tools from the garage.

One young woman passed me some cash for a television and its stand, and I helped her carry it out the door.

My favorite give would’ve delighted mom. A woman reached out on Facebook to claim two free chairs. She was moving in with a parent in the wake of the other parent’s passing and needed them for their new-ish kitchen. I asked if she needed anything else as she and her partner and their young daughter came into the house. We discovered that one of our twin beds would be great for the girl. My brother and I marched the family downstairs to take a look, and when we entered the completely purple room, the little girl gasped! “Purple! My favorite color! Could I have this blanket?”

My reflexive yes is what my mother would’ve said.

The girl’s mother timidly asked about the purple curtains, and I started taking them down.

“What about the sheets?”

We loaded her up, and the girl hugged her squishy new blanket all the way to their truck.

They were thrilled with their chairs, their bed, and all the purple things we could find, and we were thrilled to have them take it. That whole exchange would’ve made mom’s week.

That’s just how she was — our mom who worked her whole life for any hourly wage had no greater joy than giving it all away. How lucky am I that I’ve got the opportunity to carry on that tradition?

Sometimes (ok, often!) in this space, I ask you for things that my students or my colleagues might need — and every time I ask, you all come through. Maybe you, like my mom, hold onto your things loosely. How lucky am I to be the conduit of your generosity — the carrier of your gifts — the witness to so much joy!

…they shared everything they had… Acts 4:32

Good Grief

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

It’s the mundane everyday moments that catch me unaware. I hop into my car at the end of a work day, reach for my phone to call my mom — and it hits me. Mom won’t be receiving phone calls any more.

Source

The obvious moments are emotional, of course, but you can see those coming — the moment she stopped breathing, when the funeral home employees loaded her onto a gurney and gave me a minute to say goodbye, when I wrote a note to her only sister telling her how special she was to mom — each of these moments made me sob, of course, but they were not surprising.

It’s when I’m standing at communion and the pastor touches my am and says something about the “communion of the saints” or when my high school buddy who once ensured that I was voted “moodiest” in my high school class, showed up at the church right before the service just to ask how I was doing — these moments catch me off guard and I am immediately overcome.

And it’s not just the weeping; it’s also unbridled annoyance. I think because the loss of my mother is so fresh, because I’m still spending a lot of emotional and cognitive energy trying to believe that it’s real, I get annoyed at things that normally wouldn’t phase me. This is not a passing irritation, it’s a funk that settles on my face that leaks out of my mouth in the form of tone— the kind of tone you wouldn’t dare take with your mother.

This funk settled on me a week or so ago after a pretty run-of-the-mill series of events. First my supervisor sent me an email outlining my failure to update a document according to her specifications, then I received a delivery of a shirt that was supposed to be 100% cotton that certainly was not, then I proceeded to spend too much time weeding the garden when the day was well over 90 degrees. I came into the house in an overheated body, perseverating over the email and trying to initiate a return of the shirt when my husband cheerily arrived home and asked me a benign question. I unknowingly snarled my response (thank you, funk). A few minutes later, he asked an unrelated benign question and I, again unintentionally, snapped an answer. By this time, he had a valid response, which I didn’t know how to process — not with all the grief encased in irritation. No. At this point, I was on overload.

And what did I do? Did I talk through the situation with maturity? take ownership of my feelings? apologize?

No.

I retreated, withdrew, isolated.

For 36 hours.

And then, because we had a road trip on the calendar, I forced myself, sitting in my co-pilot seat, to open the vault, messily let go of irritation, and find, once again, the tears, the grief, the loss, the reality.

These emotional expressions, I’ll call them that, are not new to me. I have not seen them in a long while, but they feel very familiar. They take me right back to my childhood and adolescence when my parents divorced and my dad was living in another state. That was my first time experiencing deep grief — the practical loss of my dad. He’s still living, at almost 88, but since the time that I was about 8, he’s been removed, at a distance, no longer accessible in the ways that a girl needs and wants her dad to be, so it makes sense to me now — now that I’m an adult experiencing the loss of a parent — that those feelings I felt in my childhood were real, and though valid, outside of my control.

However, at that time, I was the only one of my siblings that I remember emoting in such a way. My two brothers and my sister seemed fine. They were getting on with life, while I was throwing myself on my bed sobbing, lashing out in anger and sarcasm, and generally feeling volatile.

Others apparently thought me volatile, too, because the feedback I remember getting was to quiet down, stop crying, and get a hold of myself.

I, at 8 or 10 or 14, didn’t have the self-awareness or the language to say, “I feel betrayed by my parents, devastated by their divorce, and totally unmoored,” and even if had, in 1976 or 1981, what would those around me have said? “Oh, well, didn’t that happen a while ago? Your parents didn’t die did they?” In other words, get over it.

The people around me didn’t have the awareness or the language for what to do with me, what to say to me, so they did what they knew how to do and tried to shush me.

And, feeling unmoored and ashamed of all the feelings I was having, I tried to shush. I really did, but all that did was push all the hurt down where I buttoned it up and tried not to be so moody. Over time, I learned to be a soldier, to power through, to kick butts and take names.

And, if you’ve been following this blog for any amount of time, you know that that strategy — the butt kicking and name taking — worked for a while, but it took a toll, and eventually that soldier had to put her rucksack down, but even if she hadn’t, even if she was still out in these streets large and in charge, even she might have some genuine and surprising feelings upon losing her mother.

But I am no longer a soldier — I have to remind myself of this when the irritation builds past funk into anger and I try to take out an unsuspecting customer service agent — I am no longer a soldier. I am a woman who has done years of therapy, who has spent the last twelve (12!) years bringing her vulnerability to the pages of this blog, who has learned that the best way to manage emotions is — shockingly! — to feel them, to talk about them, to write about them, to allow myself to have them.

And as I’m having all of these emotions, I am realizing that though my mom was not perfect (none of us are), she always — ALWAYS! — had my back. She flew to me when I needed her, she cheered me when I won and consoled me when I lost. She laughed with me almost every time we talked but she never — not once — cried with me.

She, too, had been shushed into silence too many times. She didn’t feel safe letting her hurt show. Vulnerability was too scary, so she soldiered through emotional and physical pain the likes of which some of us may never see. And she never once allowed herself to shed a tear — not in the 60 years that I knew her.

What a burden to carry. No wonder she was exhausted and made her exit as soon as she felt she had permission.

Let me learn from that. Let me feel each of these emotions. Let me talk about them. Let me write about them. Let me cry.

I think I’ll do a little bit of that now.

There is a time for everything…a time to weep…a time to mourn… Ecclesiastes 3:4

Just Do It

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 2 Comments

I had been trying to have empathy, to put myself in her shoes — but I had been struggling. Is it because she’s my mother?

I mean, this is the woman who would lift me on to the kitchen countertop when I was, what, four or five years old? She would have me lie on my back so my long blond hair could fall into the sink and she would wash it, pouring a pitcher of water over and over until the suds were gone.

This is is the woman who, newly divorced, piled four of us into the car and drove us from central Michigan to Sandusky, OH, so that we could enjoy Cedar Point for the day.

This is the woman who worked as a unit clerk at a hospital for an hourly wage, scraped her pennies together, then took us school shopping so that we could have new clothes to wear each year.

This is the woman who would, on her day off, drive two hours to come help me with my kids, who would take personal vacation days so that I could get a break, who purchased clothes, and toys, and household items that I could not afford with money that came from her own hard work.

How could she now be so helpless?

Crippled by unrelenting pain, she was spending most of her time in a reclining chair. She pushed a button to raise and lower her legs — doctors’ orders to help with the edema. When she did get up, she clung to a walker to move between bedroom, bathroom, living room, and kitchen. The volume on the TV stayed up because she struggled to hear. She, once an avid reader, could do so no longer because of limited vision.

Her life was confined, most days, to the upper floor of her home, and yet she had determined to traverse 728 miles to see her sister — her only sister, her older sister — who also is confined, most days, to a few rooms in her home, who ventures out occasionally and with great difficulty, whose life, which once was at the helm of her family, making it happen for her own kids and grandkids, has become much more limited due to aging and health issues, just as it will for us all.

So, because of my mother’s fierce determination, after weeks of planning, phone calls, and arranging, we rode an hour in the car, took two short flights, drove another hour, and found ourselves at our goal. A cousin came to the car in the pouring rain, pushing a wheelchair while somehow also holding an umbrella. Around the house and through a back entry, and there it was, the reunion.

They sat, these two octogenarians, for five hours — smiling, telling stories, looking at photo albums, laughing, and for a few moments distracted from pain and limitation, occupied with connection, and basking in joy.

We made our trip there on a Friday, returned on a Sunday, rested on Monday, and by Tuesday, her pain was increasing, her kidney function was dropping, and the word hospice was being uttered for the first time.

On Wednesday she had lunch with her brother and his family, enjoyed more stories, laughter, and hugs. They said their I love yous right before we went to the lab for one last blood draw followed by the appointment where she agreed that hospice was a good choice for managing her pain. On Thursday, at her hospice intake, they expected she had three months or less to live; on Friday they said days to weeks; on Saturday they said 72 hours.

During that time she had some visitors — of course hospice nurses, and the personal care aide, and the social worker, but family members were also continuously present. On Friday after a long round of visits, she fell into a deep sleep that extended well into Saturday. The hospice nurse came during that visit, saw Mom was in a lot of pain, and started a smalll dose of morphine.

A couple of hours later, I walked in to check on Mom, who had been sleeping for twenty hours. She saw me come in and said, “You know, I’d like to start planning dinner.”

“Mom, I’ve got dinner started.”

“What are you making?”

“Spaghetti.”

She made a face and said, “I don’t want spaghetti. I was thinking of chicken,..” She closed her eyes and used her hands to help me picture what she meant, “you know how you cut up potatoes and carrots and put them in the oven? Maybe with a little onions and beets?”

I really thought the morphine was doing a trick because she hadn’t really eaten much in weeks. I actualy believed she would say all this and then fall back asleep. But she didn’t. She kept talking about this meal. So, I said, “Ok, let me go get started on it.”

I had turned on the oven, put away the spaghetti sauce, and started to clean the vegetables when I saw her walking from her bedroom to the kitchen with her walker. She had declined so quickly, we had been using a gait belt and assisting her in and out of bed for the past couple of days, but here she came of her own volition.

“Mom, what are you doing?”

“Well, I was thinking if I’m going to boss you around, I better get out here and help!”

I convinced her to sit at the table, and then I put her on the phone with first one granddaughter and then another. She listened, chatted, and laughed while I roasted vegetables, threw together a salad, and baked chicken. One of the granddaughters mentioned a milkshake, and Mom said she loved milkshakes, so I texted my brothers and one of them showed up in minutes, milkshake in hand.

By the time she was eating, she had two sons, a daughter, a daughter-in-law, and a granddaughter in the room. She ate everything, my little 90 pound mother, and slurped on the milkshake as she chatted with the neighbor who dropped by. For about three hours she smiled, ate, and laughed, and then she was in pain again, ready to go to bed, ready for more morphine.

We had a hard night that night until we got the dose and frequency of the morphine correct, but then she rested. On a Sunday, all day, she was quiet. She listened to her church service, which we streamed. Her step son and his wife visited. Three of her kids and three of her granddaughters took turns sitting with her, holding her hand, talking to her, crying, reading her stories, and playing her music.

When everyone else had gone home or to bed, one remained, playing Princess Diaries to wind down the night, and that is when Mom stopped breathing. Just like that.

Mom, who had many regrets from her life, spent the last few decades telling her grand kids to have a plan and “just do it”. In the end, that is exactly what she did. She made a plan to see her sister, and did it. She made a plan for a meal and ate it. And once she agreed to be on hospice and make her exit, she didn’t waste any time at all. She just did it.

And now the rest of us are going to have to figure out how to just do everything without her continual encouragement, unwavering support, and genuine curiosity. I’m not ready, but I don’t see as I have much choice.

Love you, Mom. You did just fine.

From his fullness we have all received grace upon grace. John 1:16

Of Skating and Stumbling and Standing

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

If you choose to listen to this post, just know that one previous post is linked in the text.

You can be skating along nicely, smiling at the others at the rink, crossing your right leg over your left in a feat of bravery, vibing to the beat of the music. All can seem right with the world. You can feel like this is living.

Then, suddenly, you face the first obstacle. A small child tumbles right in front of you. You awkwardly side step and regain your balance. You check to make sure the child is getting back up, and then you resume your previous vibe.

Sure, your smile momentarily left your face, but now you’re back in business– right back with the beat of the music, regaining your groove, getting lost in the moment. But then, when you least expect it, you spot someone from your past as you zoom by the watching crowd. They are glaring at you, holding up photographic evidence of that thing you did back in 2010 or 1983 or 2024 or 1997– that major blunder, that egregious oversight, that huge mistake — or series of mistakes — you made.

The smile drops from your face. You almost run into the wall. You turn to look back, to go over to them, wanting to reconnect, to reconcile, but they are gone. You can no longer hear the music — you can no longer register the people around you — you are transported back in time to a newsreel of all the ways you blew it back then.

What was wrong with you? What was happening? Where were you in your head?

You stumble off the rink and find a bench. You remove your skates and, forgetting to put on shoes or grab a jacket or say goodbye to the people you came with, you wordlessly walk out into the wilderness.

Of course, this is how it happens, isn’t it? We’re living our lives, managing our responsibilities (or even skating), when something — an image, a phone call, a text, a song — triggers us and we feel ourselves disengaging from those around us. If we have the wherewithal, we may try to bat away the images so that we can continue to function, so that we can continue to see the people around us, so we can continue to feel the ground beneath our feet.

Unfortunately, as we’re doing all that swatting, we often find ourselves off balance. We catch ourselves in the mirror, a look of distress crumpling our face, and we realize the heap of guilt and shame from the past that has mysteriously and overwhelmingly appeared on our backs.

One interchange — one glimpse, one image — has shifted reality and we’re no longer skating along.

In the past, such an instance might have sent us spiraling down into the abyss of regret — why didn’t I see? why didn’t I notice? why didn’t I ask? why didn’t I listen? what else was going on? why didn’t I act differently? do more? say more? — we might have spend hours or, frankly, days or weeks, unable to break the free fall, unable to find the ground, unable to take even a baby step forward, let alone try on a pair of skates.

This is not our first rodeo, however. We’ve been here before. We know what to do

We sit down. We recognize what’s going on, and for a while we take off the backpack of grief and peek inside and acknowledge, “yup, that was some messed up shit that happened.” We don’t haul it all out for close examination, not right now, but we acknowledge it — it’s true; it happened; it hurts; real bad.

We know the others involved are still angry/hurting/processing/grieving and sometimes, so are we.

We know our role — our culpability.

That hasn’t changed.

But…because we’ve been here before and know what it is, we choose not to fall into the abyss of grief this time. We choose to look in, to put our hand on the ache, to hope for restoration, and then, to step away.

What happened is true and awful and unchangeable. No amount of spiraling or wallowing or self-flagellation will change that. And, today is in front of us, full of folks who care, who count on us, who see us, who love us. Amazingly, even folks who know the terrible awful then continue to join us in the now. And now is what we have. Lots of opportunity to see, to notice, to ask, and to listen.

And, we resolve to do our best at that and to have grace for when, even now, we blow it. Because certainly, we will blow it again. It is the way of all flesh.

We won’t be skating any more today. No. But we won’t be free-falling either. We’re just gonna stand up, breathe, and take the next step forward.

And one day soon, we’ll be skating again.

the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

The Circumstance before the Pomp

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*If you are listening to the audio recording, please note that I’ve linked several older posts in the text.

It’s May, and although I graduated from high school over 40 years ago, since I work in a high school, each year stirs up memories. As we move closer to June, I see glimpses of teenaged me in the students in our hallway — the excitement I felt as I anticipated the coming changes, the irritability I displayed in the face of uncertainty, the fear I pushed down as I considered the unknown, and the exhilaration that carried me through all of the ceremony — the prom and the banquets and the graduation itself.

I’ve been drawn to this year’s seniors — they might be just a tad more special than other seniors I’ve had (but I probably say that every year). This group were freshmen in 2022-23, our first full in-person year after the pandemic. They had spent middle school (MIDDLE SCHOOL!) in quarantine, and it showed. They were addicted to their phones, had a hard time focusing on academics, and found being in close proximity with their peers quite challenging. I don’t often work with freshmen, but because of Covid and the gaps in learning, I had been tasked with leading a reading intervention class with, at first, the eight freshmen who tested lowest in reading and, eventually, the majority of students in this class. I first wrote about them here in the beginning of that first semester.

They were an unruly bunch, those initial eight, and I was learning the curriculum and the process of the reading intervention program my district had adopted, so, as in many years of my teaching, we were growing together. I was trying to manage their behavior while keeping myself regulated, while also trying to push them to do the thing that was hardest for them — reading. Nevertheless, we persisted, and their end of semester re-tests showed it. In fact, I’ll never forget Kia’s* success story.

The next three semesters I worked with more of the students from this class — the one that is about to graduate in just over a month. I got to know them — their favorite snacks, the look they get on their faces when they are proud, the sound of their voices when they are irritated, and the little ways that they play with one another. Over the past four years I have watched them grow. I have seen them take on responsibility — like decorating the hallways for an open house, being the captain of a team, and completing their 20 hours of mandatory community service. I’ve seen them try sports they’d never tried before, navigate challenging conversations with teachers, and explore college campuses and potential careers. I’ve hugged many of them in the hallway as they’ve celebrated wins and as they have reeled from devastating losses.

And now, I’m watching them count down the days to graduation.

In this context, in addition to the typical anxieties that seniors face — college or career choices, the looming transition, the realities of adulthood — many of our students also face an additional layer of stress, profound financial insecurity. I won’t deny that all seniors are worried about money — how will they pay for college, a vehicle or some kind of transportation, and all the other expenses that come with the transition to adulthood — but for my students, this concern is on a different level altogether.

For these students, the gas money to get to school each day may not be a given, food may not be in the fridge, the electric bill might not have been paid, and yet each senior has to come up with $300 to cover the cost of cap and gown, prom, the senior breakfast, the pinning ceremony, and one 10 x 13 photo of themselves in their regalia.

For you and me, $300 is a chunk of change that we may have to budget for, but for some of my students, it might as well be $30,000. They don’t have it, and they are not going to have it.

This reality looms over these students because if they haven’t paid a deposit, they don’t get to participate in the pinning in March. If they haven’t paid a little bit more, they can’t get their senior t-shirt for decision day on May 1. If they haven’t paid the balance, they can’t go to prom at the end of May. (And if they couldn’t come up with $300, how could they get a dress or shoes or have their hair done?) And finally, if they haven’t paid their balance, they cannot get their diploma.

At each of these junctures, a plea goes out and teachers toss in money for one student or another — a $50 deposit so that one can go to the pinning, another $50 so that another can go to prom, a $100 to cover the balance so someone can get their diploma.

These aren’t just our students. They are our kids, and we are going to do what we can to get them to each of these moments. Each year, we have a number of students who just can’t come up with the money, but this year, the number seems especially high. The reasons are varied — the parents are out of work or have put the student out of the house or have larger issues they are dealing with and this is not even on their radar. The student may be working, but his paycheck may be going to help out the family with bills. Whatever the cause, these students do not have cash for senior dues

For many of our kids, graduation is the pinnacle, the moment they’ve been working for — to possibly be the first in their family to graduate, to overcome the odds, to get a diploma, to become an adult.

And, in the case of some of my students, becoming an adult means facing a very hard financial reality — they just don’t have enough money.

I’m wondering if we might teach them another lesson — that sometimes when you least expect it, someone will come through for you, that you really aren’t all alone in this world, that loads of people want to help, that God will make a way when there is no way.

If you’d like to help support a student’s graduation journey, click here to donate. Make sure to designate “DLA HS graduation dues” in the space provided.

I’ve come to this community so many times — for classroom snacks, for feminine supplies, for Christmas gifts, track shoes, and money for Ubers. Every single time, you’ve come through. I don’t know how I have such a privilege, but as long as you’re with me and as long as I’m working in this space, I’m going to keep asking. The needs are great; your hearts are huge. It’s a perfect match.

before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear. Isaiah 65:24

Aye, Scotland!

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

At the end of our stay in Germany last month, where we explored the ancestral homelands of our parents, we flew from Nuremberg to Edinburgh, Scotland! Why Scotland? Our trip to the lands of our forefathers and mothers wouldn’t have been complete without exploring Perth, the home of the Drummonds, the family of my mother-in-law.

We’d grown accustomed to the neat orderliness of Germany with its flawlessly engineered highway system, rule-following citizens, and commitment to decorum, so our first moments in Scotland were characterized by contrast.

In Germany, our cab driver spoke fewer than a couple dozen words from the airport to the hotel (granted there was a language barrier), but our driver in Scotland barely paused for breath as she asked us about our visit, shared her fascination with genealogy, pointed out sections of town and historical landmarks, and told us about her family! She drove the 8-passenger van effortlessly through the narrow, winding streets and parked against the traffic so that we would not have to cross the street — a much more daring feat in Scotland than in “cross on the signal” Germany.

Our hotel, which was plunked right next to Old Town Edinburgh, was not the polished and poised establishment like those we’d enjoyed in Germany. It wasn’t bad; I’d just say it had the feel of being lived in. The lobby was crowded with folks playing board games and drinking beer. The clerk, instead of being in a suit like our German hosts, was clad in business casual/athleisure wear. She gave us our key, a print out of policies, breakfast times, and local eateries, answered our questions, and went back to reading her book. Our room was fine — a bed, a small couch, a large-ish bathroom, and out the window, an alley littered with spent kegs from the restaurant/bar next door.

We unpacked and made our way down the narrow and winding cobblestone street just a block or two to one of the pubs listed on the hotel handout, Biddy Mulligan’s. At the doorway, we edged past a cluster of cigarette smokers (we saw plenty of smokers in Germany, too!), and wriggled through the crowded restaurant where dozens of folks were crammed in drinking, eating, laughing, and shouting at one another. Surely we’d never find a seat, though it was 6pm on a Sunday. But just as we were giving up hope, a crowded booth emptied out, leaving a graveyard of pint glasses on the sticky table. I slid in to claim the space while my husband gestured to the bartender who handed him 2 menus before he cleared the debris.

We chose our meals, roasted salmon for me and lamb stew for him — both on potatoes with roasted vegetables. Absolutely delicious. I even enjoyed a Scottish beer — the first beer I’ve had in ages due to my gluten sensitivity –I savored every single drop while live music played from the back of the bar.

We were just a few hours into Scotland, and though the culture shift was palpable, we were delighted!

As we did in Germany, we dedicated our first full day to driving. We rented a car — a Jeep SUV because it was the only automatic transmission in the place and though we both know how to drive a stick, we knew we’d be driving on the opposite side of the road all day and wanted to limit the variables. The car rental was four floors below ground in a parking garage, and John’s initiation to driving in Scotland was staying on the left as he wound up those levels to daylight and straight onto the busy, narrow streets of Edinburgh. With rush hour traffic and road construction, it took us a while to traverse the city, take the Queensferry Crossing over the Firth of Forth, and enter the countryside north of Edinburgh on our way to Perth.

Queensferry Crossing

The Scottish countryside is stunning — rolling hills, scattered farms, sheep, lakes, more sheep, mountains, and did I mention sheep? We drove far enough west and north to see the mountains, and then headed east to Perth where we walked through the very walkable shopping district, and had a bit of lunch — soup and a toastie, which is what the Scots call a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, and a scone, of course.

The Scottish countryside

We stood next to the River Tay, which runs through Perth.

John standing beside the River Tay.

We then followed the river’s path to Dundee, where we saw the River Tay flow into the North Sea, smelled the salt air, then made our way back to Edinburgh, dropped off our rental car, and got a delicious dinner.

I am making this journey sound easy, but it was anything but. I was the co-pilot, which was the easy part, even though we kept losing our signal and sometimes didn’t know where we were. (Yes, we did have a paper map with us! ) My husband was the real trooper — driving an American-style vehicle on ancient, narrow, poorly-marked, winding country roads, on the left side of the street, from the right side of the car! And, I haven’t even mentioned the very frequently-placed roundabouts with anywhere from three to infinity exits that run in the opposite direction of the ones we are familiar with in the states! Driving in the UK on the eighth day of our European vacation was a courageous feat!

So, his fish and chips and my skink, a creamy Scottish stew with smoked haddock, potatoes, and onions, was a real comfort food treat at the end of a long and, at times, stressful day!

Fish and Chips (top) and Skink (bottom)

Our second day in Scotland, we walked the streets of Edinburgh — one street in particular, the Royal Mile. This highly travelled street runs from the Edinburgh Castle at the top, down a long incline to the Palace of Holyroodhouse, the Scottish residence of the King of England. The cobblestone path is lined on both sides with shops — gifts, kilts, food, whiskey, tea, etc. We went in countless stores looking for Drummond of Perth plaid and woolen sweaters. Between shops, we enjoyed the street performers — vocalists, bag pipers, and other entertainers who weren’t the list bit deterred by the seemingly continuous rain.

After a brief afternoon rest, we walked again, several blocks, down Princess Street to Castle Street to see where my husband’s great grandfather once worked as a cobbler in the shadow of the castle.

Map showing Edidnburgh Castle, Castle Street, and the Princess Street Gardens

How amazing to picture him there, over a hundred years ago!

Standing on Castle Street with Edinburgh Castle in the background,

We wound our way back through the Princess Street Gardens, a beautiful place that reminded us of Forest Park in St. Louis and The Common in Boston, returned to our hotel, and collapsed into sleep.

On our last day in Scotland, despite the rain, we took a train to Glasgow, enjoying the views of the countryside again — rolling hills, sheep, town after town, and finally the city. We disembarked, explored the shopping district, had a lovely lunch in a small cafe, then walked our drippy selves back to the station, boarded the train, had one last delicious meal in Edinburgh — roasted lamb and chicken this time — and prepared our bags for our long journey home.

When our driver picked us up early the next morning, we shared our experiences with him, a man who’s lived his life in Scotland. With each tale we shared, he smiled and remarked, “Aye!” as if to say, “Yup, that’s how it is here!”

Scotland, we found you to be hearty, unbothered, celebratory, and friendly. Your land — gorgeous. Your food — delicious!

What a gift it was to visit, and though we don’t know if we’ll ever be back, Scotland you are part of us now. Aye!

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 55:12

Guten Tag, Germany!

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment
If you click to listen, please note that I’ve placed captioned photos throughout the post that I did not read aloud.

Recently, my husband and I made our first visit to your land, and I wanted to send a quick note to extend our thanks for a lovely visit. We came on a sort of heritage tour — since both of my parents and his father all have roots in Germany, we wanted to come see where our forefathers and mothers lived, to touch the soil, to eat the food, to imagine what life might’ve been like for them.

We made our first home base Hamburg because of its proximity to Grabau, which is where my husband’s great grandfather would have grown up on a farm. When we landed at the airport, we easily found a taxi and found ourselves winding our way through a sprawling modern city, rich with many familiar retailers nestled beside others that were, dare I say, foreign. Exhausted from a flight that had left Detroit, touched down in London and then Copenhagen before finally alighting in Hamburg, we mostly just stared out the windows, trusting our driver to drop us at the hotel that was expecting us.

It wasn’t long before we found ourselves walking into a small but clean and recently updated establishment. The desk clerk found our reservation, told us where to go for breakfast in the morning, and advised us of a few places we might find something to eat for dinner. We stumbled to our rooms, freshened just a bit, then used Google maps to locate a shawarma restaurant just a couple of blocks away. We quickly outed ourselves as Americans when ordering– mostly pointing and nodding to the restauranteur who didn’t speak English– and then enjoyed a huge plate of food.

Full and exhausted, we made our way back to our room and dropped off to sleep.

Now, I won’t go blow by blow through our six days in Germany, but I do want to remark on some things that we noticed.

First of all, almost everyone we encountered spoke at least a little English and demonstrated a willingness to help — the hotel clerk who advised us where to get an outlet adapter when the one we brought didn’t work; the rental car agent who displayed curiosity about our quest and switched the car’s display into English for us; the gentleman in Grabau who, spotting someone he didn’t recognize, pulled over and chatted with us as we walked through the town; the server in Berlin who hung onto my passport that I left behind and delightedly returned it to me when we came panicking back to find it; and the waiter in Nuremberg who tried to tell us that the German meal we were ordering was an enormous amount of food and that we likely wouldn’t finish it.

The mammoth "two serving" meal in Nuremberg.
The mammoth “two serving” meal in Nuremberg: pork loin, potato dumplings, bratwurst, sauerkraut, pork shoulder and potato salad.

Even those who didn’t speak English were eager to engage — the inn owner, Mr. Vogt, in Unterschwaningen, the ancestral home of my father’s family, who, through Google translate, shared that his family had run the inn, the only one in town for the past two hundred years, the waitress in a cafe who was willing to get us some oat milk once she knew (again, thanks to Google translate) what we were talking about.

We also noticed the bikes! While it was around 40-50 degrees Fahrenheit most days that we were with you, countless folks made their way through the cities and even the countryside on bicycles. From the northern seaside city of Kiel to the resort town Baden-Baden in the Black Forest of southwest Germany, folks dressed for the weather, stayed in the bike lanes (which were very consistently everywhere), and pedaled their way from place to place. Some were toting children, some were making deliveries, some were dressed in work wear, most were bundled up with coats, hats, helmets, gloves, and often glasses.

One of many pictures we took of folks on bikes — this one, I believe, was in Berlin.

Perhaps because so many folks traveled by bicycle, and because of the storied German efficiency and engineering, the roads were virtually flawless! Well-marked and exceptionally well-maintained, these roads made it quite easy for two folks who have done very little international traveling to find our way in and around Hamburg, Nuremberg, and the surrounding towns and countryside.

Now let’s talk about the food. Where do I start? First of all, I have never, and I mean NEVER, been so excited to eat a hotel breakfast. In both hotels in which we stayed, the morning spread was remarkable — eggs, bacon, pastries, yes, but also, sliced meats and cheese, fresh fruit, cereal with nuts, seeds, and dried fruits for toppings, potatoes, fresh vegetables, and I could spend a whole paragraph on the coffee, tea, juice, and milk choices. We lingered each morning, savoring the experience. And then — then! — we found cafe after cafe and restaurant after restaurant that also did not disappoint. Every cuisine from the previously mentioned shawarma to curry to hamburgers with sweet potato fries to freshly made soups to the way too enormous traditional German meat-filled meal was outstanding. And I haven’t even mentioned the sandwiches.

One day’s breakfast — perfectly scrambled eggs, sauteed vegetables, fresh fruit, oats with seeds and dried mango and goji berries, and loose leaf tea.

Now, you’ve got to understand that we regularly enjoy a gluten-free and dairy-free diet, but Germany, everywhere we turned was a carb! We couldn’t help ourselves. We had a rhubarb pastry in a small town near Grabau, lebkuchen in Nuremberg, a cherry crumble bar on the way to Baden-Baden, and soup with fresh bread in Berlin. In America, these things, at least for us, are rare treats, but in Germany, they became a daily requirement. But let me get to the sandwiches.

Lebkuchen with oat milk lattes — my great grandmother used to make these cookies every Christmas. These transported me back to my childhood.

Everywhere we went in Germany — on trains, in cities, in the countryside, in shops — people of all ages were carrying small open bags from which they would inevitably pull enormous sandwiches that they would eat as they stood on the train platform, walking down the street, or riding on a bike. Even toddlers in strollers were eating enormous sandwiches! We obviously had to throw caution fully to the wind and give it a try, so when we saw the Kolb Pretzel company selling pretzel sandwiches, we purchased one, had them slice it in half, and enjoyed it as we walked through a Saturday morning market. Exquisite!

Kolb Pretzel sandwich — wow!

I’m starting to ramble on now, so let me return to the purpose of our visit. We wanted to visit the ancestral homes of our families — the Kolbs, the Meyers, the Rathjes — and we did! As we toured the small farm towns and small cities that our forefathers and mothers used to live in, we tried to imagine them there under the same castle we were exploring, worshiping in the church where we were standing, walking the same path we were on, taking in the beautiful pastoral scenes, and living their lives. Most remarkable to us was the thought of how bold and brave they were, most of them during the mid to late 1800s, to leave what they knew, the beautiful familiar, and to venture out — how? on foot? by train? on horseback or carriage? and certainly, undoubtedly via a long ship voyage — to a land they had never seen and could only imagine based on the words they had read or heard from others who had gone before them. What made them leave? A family issue? A government or political demand they could not abide? A dream for something different?

John standing in front of the Lutheran church in Grabau, Germany — his great grandfather likely worshipped here.

We know some of these answers because of those who have done the research — that’s how we knew to go to Grabau, and Kiel, and Unterschwanigen, and Baden-Baden — but our imaginations and our visit made us wonder even more.

And Germany, I can’t leave this message without saying that we felt your strength and your courage, too! We saw reminders of world wars, monuments to lives lost, evidence of destruction, and an intentional message of resiliency and a firm determination to not forget the past but to forge a different present and future. We saw that not just in Berlin, but everywhere we went — in the ashes displayed at the restored St. Lorenz church in Nuremberg, in the memorials at Kiel, in the words of the gentleman at Grabau who told us that most of the Germans left that village in the wake of World War II. Its current inhabitants, he said, are descendants of the Polish folks who settled there once the dust was settling.

A small piece of the Berlin Wall that remains near Checkpoint Charlie at the border of what was once East and West Berlin.

Germany, you were a fine host. Thank you for accommodating us, for preserving the past for us, for showing us what it looks like to rebuild and move forward. I can only hope that one day we will be back, but regardless, we carry part of you with us, and we might just be packing a sandwich or two!

Tschuss!


In [God] our ancestors put their trust; they trusted and [He] delivered them. Psalm 22:4

You good?

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Every once in a while, a student will go missing from school. I don’t mean in the “she was abducted” sort of way; it’s just that sometimes — there’s really no pattern to it — I will find myself marking a student absent day after day with no clear explanation. I might alert the office, so they can do a wellness check, but often before it has come to that, the student just as mysteriously re-appears.

In the old days, I might’ve interrogated such a student. Where have you been? Did you just decide to take a vacation? Do you know what an extended absence can do to your grades? your progress? your chances of graduating?

That was before I started to understand trauma — before I had seen true poverty — before I knew that sometimes a student has to stay home to care for an ailing parent or younger siblings — before I knew that not all families have vehicles or food in the fridge…. or a fridge… or any place to stay at all.

So now when a student is gone for 2 or 3 or 10 days and then suddenly reappears, you know what I say? Good to see you! I’ve been missing you! If I have a particularly close relationship with a student who has been MIA, I might ask, You good?

You never know what you’re going to hear after that — maybe a quiet Yeah, I’m good, but also maybe my [insert family member here] died, or I was in the hospital, or we moved.

If a student vulnerably shares something like that, I feel honored to be trusted with a slice of their story. And, I hope that my check-in conveys to the student that they are seen, safe, and valued.

All of this is just to say that I, myself, have been a little MIA lately. The last time I posted a blog was February 9 — five weeks ago. Now, I know you are not getting up every Monday morning and taking attendance and saying, huh, I wonder where Kristin is. And you should know that I have not been experiencing any trauma. However, I did want to check in and let you know that this soldier temporary got called back to duty — to a short stint of increased demand where I was tempted to revert to butt-kicking and name-taking and, in fact, gave it a try, only to find out what I already knew — it was not sustainable.

I have mentioned this already, of course, in the first few blog posts of the year. I wrote about the fact that we had a teacher resign over the holiday break and that I was asked to step into two of the classes he left vacant to help prepare our juniors for the coming SAT. I probably already mentioned that I was asked to do this while also filling the role of building test coordinator in charge of making sure all 9-11 grade students take the PSAT and SAT and that all 11 grade students also take the other tests required by the State of Michigan — the MSTEP (social studies and science) and the WIN Learning Assessment which measures students’ work-ready skills.

It doesn’t sound too overwhelming when I put it in a paragraph like that, and my supervisors assured me it wouldn’t be any more work at all since they had lightened my coaching load from eight teachers down to four and had provided me with the support of the person who was the building test coordinator last year.

So, I built out my calendar, as one does, scheduling blocks of time to read test manuals, attend training, observe teachers, meet with supervisors, audit rosters, create training sessions for my staff, and, oh yeah, teach two 50-minute sections of ELA every day making sure to cover curricula I’d never taught before and to develop the skills in these students that my supervisors were confident I could build before testing started on April 15.

Like any good soldier, I got my gear together, rehearsed my strategies, and relied on years and years of training exercises. I put my head down and got to it.

I had moments where I was making it happen. I was checking off boxes and getting shit done. At those times, I had a swagger in my step — the old girl still had it. Passersby might have even heard me say, I got this.

But there were moments that those closest to me saw the set of my jaw, the vacant stare in my eyes, the fatigue coming off me in near-visible rivulets. They heard an errant utterance, they saw the expression on my face belie the words coming out of my mouth, and in one way or another they asked You good, Rathje?

Because clearly, I was not, indeed, good.

And because I trusted them, I took a long look at what was going on, and, instead of soldiering on, I tried something different.

First it looked like a set jaw, a demand for change, a clenched fist decrying an unjust work load, and then, it softened into apology and the admission that soldiering was not a sustainable way of life — not for me and, really, not for anyone.

It felt a little like defeat. Like waving the white flag.

But it wasn’t that. It was truth-telling. It was self-advocacy. It was a victory.

Because when I said (this time, though I had said it before) that I needed an end date — a day to mark on the calendar when I would no longer be teaching, when I said I needed more time to complete the tasks before me, when I said I felt it was too much not just for a middle-aged gal like me but for anyone, they heard me.

I took a chance on asking for what I needed, and I got it.

So, I’m at home this weekend breathing a little more freely, even though I will still spend an hour or two today and tomorrow on managing my work responsibilities. I know that Friday is my last day in the classroom, spring break is coming, and a time of refreshing is near.

So, if I’m gonna be honest, I’ve been MIA because for a couple ticks I was slugging it out — struggling, not coming up for breath — but I’m back.

It’s good to see you. If you don’t already know, this is a space where I feel seen and safe and valued. Thank you for allowing me to trust you with a piece of my story.

Be kind and compassionate to one another. Ephesians 4:32

Reflect and Grow

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Hey, 2026,

It’s been a minute since we’ve spoken. I know that first conversation we had might have felt a little off-putting. I’ll admit that I was coming in defensively and demanding a lot. The last few years have been quite difficult, after all. I circled back a week later, and acknowledged the fact that while I can’t control what you bring, I do have control over my responses to you. Now, a month into your tenure, I’m feeling the need for a check-in. I’ve got some feedback on how it’s going — some affirmations, for sure, but also some areas where we’d hope to see some growth moving forward.

We can start with the snow day count — well done! This performance has exceeded my expectations. Although extreme weather could be a sign of irreversible climate change, I did welcome the days to be at home, to rest a little, and to get caught up on some work.

Speaking of work, I’ve been pushing pretty hard, as you know, because I’ve been covering a teacher vacancy, but I’ve got to hand it to you — not only did you allow me to step back into the classroom to support our juniors in the run up to the SAT, you came through with another certified English Language Arts teacher who even has experience in our cultural context. You somehow provided this teacher, who will start with our sophomores on Monday, before the end of January, just as I requested. Hopefully, he will bring some normalcy to our students for the remainder of the year.

Now that I’ve started with some kudos, I must acknowledge that all has not been rosy. You did bring my family another loss — we’ve had one a year for the last three years. Granted, my sweet aunt was 96 and ready to go, but her passing still hurt.

However, that sting was much more bearable than the shock and horror at the deaths of Renee Good and Alex Pretti. It seems unconscionable that regular citizens acting out of care and concern for the foreigner and the stranger would lose their lives at the hands of government agents.

And speaking of unconscionable, I thought we’d seen all the presidential misconduct we’d ever need, but you managed to give us some more — directly from the Oval Office, again! — racist images of former world leaders distributed by the now-more-than-embarrassing leader of the free world. During the opening week of Black History Month, to boot.

Now lest I get busy casting stones without acknowledging my own shortcomings, I will admit that, I, too, have had less than stellar moments in recent days. I have forgotten my training, lost my center, and acted out of character, and not just in the confines of my own home, but in the space where I hope to have the most impact — the classroom. I showed my students a frustrated, tired, unprofessional side of me, and I’m not proud of that. So, I had to put down my shaking fist for a moment — I had to stop blaming you, 2026. I had to stop looking at the failures of ICE, Republican leaders, and even my students, who I briefly tried to blame for my poor behavior.

Look, all of us have good moments and bad moments. We are imperfect humans. I’ve had to remind myself of that this weekend when I’ve found myself bloodied by self-flagellation. None of us meets every moment with grace and maturity. The best we can do — the most we can hope for from others — is best intention, self-reflection, the admission of failure, and a commitment to do better.

What would it look like if those entrusted with making sure that all folks from other countries followed the laws for living in the United States did so with hospitality. What if their intention was to support those who legally entered our country as they navigate their adjustment to the way we do things around here. What if they participated in regular debriefing that honestly evaluated their practices, acknowledged shortcomings, and worked to improve the process in ways that positively benefitted the community?

What would happen if at their worst moments — when, say, a civilian was killed — they would admit their wrongdoing and follow the steps of accountability and restoration? What if those worst moments propelled them to changes that produced some of the best moments?

What might happen if people in positions of power didn’t demonize those who think, look, act differently, but instead worked with intention to find understanding, common ground, ways of living together in unity, despite our differences? What if we had regular community forums to instead celebrate those differences, to find solutions to problems, and to build strong relationships?

What impact might it have if a middle aged white woman went into her classroom on Monday, admitted to a roomful of teenaged students of color that she lost her shit on Friday and that it wasn’t, as she might’ve suggested, their fault, but hers. What if she used her admission of culpability to build a culture of error in that classroom — where students, too, can admit that they have been wrong, and where they can shed their shame through vulnerability, and be brave enough to try again?

What impact might it have if, instead of waving our fists at everyone else, we opened our hands and asked for forgiveness for the things we, ourselves, have done wrong? How might that change what happens this year?

Right now in Italy, young people from all over the globe are coming together in the spirit of sportsmanship to compete in the snow and on the ice. They have worked hard for years to make it to the Olympic Games and we are inspired by not only their athleticism, but their tenacity, their sacrifice, their willingness to set other things aside for this one goal — the highest level of competition with other humans from all around the world. For sixteen days we will watch people of different races, faiths, and backgrounds share space — racing side by side, watching one another’s efforts, and even congratulating those who bested them. It’s a picture of shared struggle, shared victory, shared humanity.

We can learn from them, can’t we, 2026? Can’t we learn to exist side by side with people who are very different from ourselves — can’t we find ways of working together, of inspiring one another, of celebrating together? Can we respect the humanity in front of us, even if we haven’t made it to the Olympics?

Let’s try for more of that, shall we? I know we’ve got it in us.

if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18

Of Snow Days and Coming Off the Bench

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

I’m sitting in my living room looking out at my snow-covered neighborhood. The temperatures are so low that we’ve only had school twice in the past 10 days, and it seems likely that we won’t have school for the next couple as well. Every educator loves a snow day, but if we’d had this many in my teaching days, I might be getting a little antsy by now. This many days out of school would mean my scope and sequence, my pacing, and my lesson plans would all need adjusting. The plans I wrote for two Thursdays ago would no longer be relevant. The lesson I was going to lead with today would need adjustment before we went back.

However, considering the current circumstances, I am thankful. We’ve missed four days of school out of the last two weeks, and I have been using the time — almost all of that time! — to get caught up and to get ahead.

Why? Because once again I am coming off the bench. The next day we have school, I will be teaching.

Last May I taught what I thought was my last English Language Arts lesson. It probably revolved around revising and proofreading since my seniors were getting ready to submit their final high school paper. My husband, ever thoughtful, sent me flowers to mark the day. He, more than anyone, knew I’d been teaching in one venue or another since the fall of 1988 when I did my student teaching at a high school in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. While not all of those years have been in a classroom –I stepped away once to stay home with my young children then again to recover from a significant health challenge — I have spent almost all of those years teaching, writing, or instructing in one way or another.

When, due to autoimmune disease, I hung up my hat (and gave away all of my teaching gear!) in 2014, I really thought I was finished with the classroom, that I had entered retirement at the age of 48. Last spring, after five years back in the game, I really believed I was moving into the season of instructional coaching and that my days managing a roomful of teens were over. I thought I had secured my spot permanently on the bench.

Both times I was mistaken.

This past fall, I onboarded two certified ELA teachers — exactly what we needed for our small school. One would teach freshmen and seniors, the other would teach sophomores and juniors. I was so excited! Both were experienced; both were people of color! It was like a miracle!

Throughout the fall, since they were on my coaching load, I observed them teaching many times, and met with each one at least weekly. Together we began to build what I hoped would be lasting relationships.

One is getting settled into our culture. One resigned over the holiday.

This is what education looks like right now. We have more classrooms in America than we have teachers, so folks can decide midway through the year to take a different path. It can be liberating for a teacher — to know that if your current setting doesn’t fit, you have options. It can be demoralizing if not devastating for students.

In this case, the sophomores and juniors, who were without a science teacher for most of the fall semester until we found a strong candidate in mid November, are now without an ELA teacher. To complicate matters, the SAT is in less than three months. For the juniors, this the highest-stakes test of their educational career so far, and half of the test focuses on mastery of English Language Arts skills.

How, how I ask you, can we hope to overcome literal centuries of educational inequity for students who routinely experience staffing shortages throughout their educational journey — not to mention inequitable facilities, insufficient supplies, inadequate transportation, poor nutrition, and other realities of institutionalized racism. What can we — those who envision something different for these folks — do?

I came back from the holiday break with a directive (not to mention my own ass-kicking, name-taking internal drive) to support the students through the end of the semester — to make sense of where they are, to grade the work they had completed, to give some kind of a final, and to help as many as possible receive credit for the class. Three weeks and four snow days later — done, done, done, and done.

Somewhere in the course of those weeks, my supervisor communicated that I would be taking over the junior classes in the run-up to the SAT. I was to provide high quality instruction that would prepare these students to do well on that assessment. My internal desire is to also give these students — these kids who have marked time first in their Earth Science class and then in their ELA class — a good experience. I don’t want to merely get them through to the SAT; I want them to fall in love with a book, to learn the power of a growing vocabulary, to see what happens when you write down what you think, to understand the complexity of language and how it can reflect the complexity of our inner lives.

So, when the first snow day happened, I spent the day updating the grade book for these students and unpacking the curriculum I would be teaching. I will admit to a significant case of the grumpies as I began that morning. I might have been muttering under my breath about the audacity of a teacher to leave three weeks before the end of the semester without finalizing grades. I might’ve been clenching my guts in anxiety over how I was going to manage high quality instruction while still being our school’s testing coordinator (managing the SAT, MSTEP, and WIN Work Readiness tests). The neighbors might’ve heard me sputtering for the morning, but when I rounded the corner and moved from cleaning up the mess to planning for instruction, my mood shifted.

I opened up the curriculum for the class, determined I would use the text Their Eyes Were Watching God, purchased the audiobook so my students could hear the rich dialect as they followed along and annotated the text, dug into the unit plan that focuses on “figuring out yourself in a complex society” and I. was. stoked!

The ideas started pouring in. I began to picture the faces of my students engaging with the text, describing for me things that are obscure compared with things that are pervasive. I saw the connections to their lived experience, and I was energized. How would I change the classroom set up, what visual aids would I need? What tools would I use for motivation? How would I begin to build strong relationships? The gears were fully in motion.

And then we had another snow day, so I spent two days of what I thought would be a four-day MLK weekend visiting my mother and then found out that we would have another snow day to make it a five-day weekend! On that day, I prepared a final exam.

When we did have school two days this past week, I spent it giving that final exam, entering grades, and convincing these students who I had not yet taught to turn in one more assignment to get themselves across the finish line.

And then we had another day off for extremely cold temperatures. I used that time, too! Each day I tick a little off my to-do list. I’m not sure how I would’ve gotten all of this done — or how I would’ve mentally made this transition — without the time off from school!

As I finish up this post, snow is falling. Forecasters predict anywhere from 2-7 inches followed by more windchills of -20 degrees. Although no official announcements have been made, I’m going to guess I’ll have the next couple of days at home. I already know how I’m going to use them.

I’m going to audit the grade books of the teachers in our building and close out the semester. Then, I’m going to continue preparing for testing season and getting myself fully prepared for my juniors — they deserve a teacher who has intellectually prepared with them in mind, not someone who has slapped something together on short notice.

I’m thankful for the gift of all this time, and for the years and years of training that have taught me how to use it.

This old girl has still got the moves, kids, so get ready. It’s almost game time!

Before they call I will answer;
    while they are still speaking I will hear. Isaiah 65:24

Would you or someone you know like to come join our team at Detroit Leadership Academy?

Want to help me supply snacks and incentives to my students?

Reply Requested: Singapore and the Archives

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Dear Reader,

I’m breaking from my recent rhythm of ranting about the new year in hopes that you can answer some questions for me. I’ve been writing this blog for going on twelve (12!) years. In the beginning, most of my readers were folks who knew me and who were following my journey through a recent chronic illness diagnosis and my resulting exit from teacher life. I was writing my way through a major transition and my readers were empathizing and cheering me on. Much has changed since then — while I still write about my journey into a healthier existence, I more often write about my life back in the world of education, about current political issues, or about my inner journey to emotional healing. My readership has changed, too!

WordPress has an app where I track my statistics — how many people view a particular post on a given day, what country each reader is from, and what was the referral source. I will admit to being a bit of a data geek, and recently I have noticed an odd trend. In the past few months, the overall activity on my blog has increased — overall views have more than tripled — and it doesn’t seem to be because my recent content has been more engaging, more inspiring, or more colorful. No. When I look at the stats, it seems the increased viewership is coming (at least partially) from abroad and the engagement is with stuff that was written a year, five years, or even twelve years ago!

Most notably, I’ve seen a surge in views from Singapore! Substantial clicks are also originating in India, Germany, and China! This information has me over here scratching my head.

In full transparency, I can locate Germany, India, and China quite easily on a map, but while I’ve heard of Singapore, I definitely needed to go to Google to learn that it’s an island nation off the south of the Malay peninsula (home to Thailand., Cambodia, and Vietnam). While its inhabitants are Chinese, Malay, and Indian, one of its official languages is indeed English, so some folks there can easily read this blog, but why, reader, why would you want to?

Where is Singapore?

What does this middle aged white woman from the United States have to say to you? And, frankly, to those of you from India, Germany, the United Kingdom, and other places around the world? What is resonating? I’m dying to know!

The statistics tell me you are reading those early posts about chronic illness but also posts from the Covid era; about racism but also about minimalism. It looks like you’re interested in my teaching but also my exploration of emotions. Even my readers from the US right now seem less interested in what I’m currently writing and more in the archives.

I’d like to open this up for discussion. Would you be willing to engage with me?

I met with a long-time friend over the weekend for coffee. We’ve known each other most of our lives, but we’ve recently been reconnecting. We talked and talked for a while, as you do when you are catching up. I gave her my “latest” then said, “I think that’s all I have. What’s going on with you?” And, being asked, that dear friend trusted me with part of her story. And, in her sharing, in my sharing, we found areas of connection, of commonality, of shared experience.

So, I’m asking you — where are you from? what’s going on with you? where do you find connection with me? Maybe your responses will lead to a further conversation. I hope so! I know I have something to learn from you!

To share, you could use the comment feature on Word Press, or you could follow this blog on Facebook and comment there. Let’s see what happens, shall we? Maybe someday I’ll even travel to Singapore!

Whether or not you decide to share, thank you for taking the time to engage with my writing.

Hold on…

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

I am not sure I made my expectations clear. When I wrote my letter to 2026 last week, I thought I spelled out the fact that I was looking for something different than years past — something better — but perhaps I was not specific enough.

When I asked for no falls, no cancer or chronic illness diagnoses, I guess I should have specified that aging family members experiencing strokes was also off the table. Maybe when I asked for grace for those who are already suffering, I should’ve included a request that they have access to the meds and the care that they need.

Now, I will acknowledge that while I haven’t received the snow (or snow day) that would’ve been not only acceptable but welcome, I was not disappointed in the unseasonably warm temps we experienced this past week.

However, my staffing vacancy has not been resolved unless you count the fact that I am — while also attending to my myriad other responsibilities — cleaning up the former teacher’s grade book, giving assignments, communicating with students, and preparing for the more formal transition when we will indeed have a highly qualified replacement, before the end of January, even. However, I probably should have made it clear that I was thinking that replacement wouldn’t have the exact same name and birthdate as me.

And, when I asked for sanity in the political realm, perhaps I should have started by defining some terms. By sanity, I mean “reasonable and sensible behavior or thinking.” Since all of the words in that definition are abstract let me provide a concrete example. A reasonable way to arrest an unarmed protestor who is driving a car is perhaps to, I don’t know, aim your gun at their tires to stop them rather than, say, at their head. And perhaps a way to stay out of wars is to speak respectably to the leaders of other nations, inviting them to civil conversations, and not, say, threatening to “do it the hard way.”

I was encouraged by crowds gathering in Minneapolis, Minnesota to mourn the loss of life of a civilian who was committing no crimes and then almost immediately discouraged by a subsequent shooting of similarly innocent civilians in Portland, Oregon.

This violence stems, of course, from racist and xenophobic rhetoric (which I also asked for an end to) that comes straight out of the Oval Office, where the president has, for example, called Somalian immigrants “garbage” and has said that ICE agents, those responsible for these and nine other shootings since September, “acted in self-defense,” which you’d be hard pressed to agree with if you examined the collection of videos that have been compiled.

All of this can be downright discouraging less than two weeks into a year that many of us were hoping would be different — and by that I mean the good kind of different, not the insane kind of different.

Ugh! I can’t stay in this angry space for the whole year! I can’t keep seeing headlines, shaking my head, and sputtering!. Instead, I am going to willfully point out some bright spots from the past seven days so that I can keep myself grounded in hope, in the belief in human decency and resiliency. For that, I have to turn my eyes away from national headlines and take a look at the spaces where I spend most of my time.

I will start by sharing the fact that I work with an amazing staff — there is some kind of magic that brings a team together to work in an under-resourced environment serving students who are significantly below grade level. Every person on the team wants to be there — and, we quickly (as you’ve seen) weed out those who are not on board. Because of that, staff meetings are often enjoyable, even fun — a gathering of like-minded folks who want to be together, who support and celebrate one another.

Next, I must mention our resilient students. All of our 10th and 11th grade students had a substitute science teacher for about eight weeks this fall. This same group — which now has a very capable science teacher who has quickly re-established a culture of learning — this very same group of students just found out that they no longer have an English Language Arts teacher, at least temporarily, and how did they respond? They listened to the administrator who delivered the news, they gathered evidence of assignments they had completed, they cooperated with school staff, and they opted in to the temporary plan, and trusted those who said a permanent plan was on the way.

Some of these same students and others — the athletes in our building — worked with the athletic director this week to hand deliver printed invitations to the Friday night basketball game to school staff members. Not only that — the following day they delivered team jerseys to each staff member, took photos with them, and invited them to wear the jersey to the game.

The hype continued to build throughout the week, and many staff wore the jerseys to school and showed up on a Friday at 5:30, after a very long week, to cheer on their students, first at the ladies’ game and then the men’s game. The AD and students had created a VIP section decorated with photos of every staff member in the building posing with a student. Colleagues chatted and laughed together as they watched the games, cheering loudly for every steal, every change in possession, every landed shot, and especially that one sweet moment when a 6’5″ senior who we’ve all watched grow up from a timid impulsive freshmen to the guy who waited for just the opportunity, saw his moment, and slam-dunked like a pro! The crowed (especially the VIP section) went wild!!

Throughout the evening, students boldly grabbed the mic to shout out their teachers, and then, between the games, the whole group — athletes and staff — took to the floor for a photo op. Smiles everywhere!

It’s still January. Nothing has really changed, but all is not tragic.

In a small building on the border of Detroit and Dearborn is a little community that is somehow choosing to keep going. Communities like this exist everywhere, despite corruption, despite tragedy, despite illness, despite loss. Folks who would have every reason to throw their hands in the air and say, “that’s a wrap” are getting out of bed, combing their hair, and showing up for another day, and sometimes, that day, against all odds, turns into a celebration. Even now. Even in places like Minneapolis and Portland.

No matter how politely we ask, we have little control over what 2026 brings, however, we can choose to search out these spaces and these moments. We must, also, call out corruption, gather to protest, and work for the change we wish to see in the world; in order to do all that, we’ve got to hold on to hope.

I am confident that I will see the goodness of God in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

Dear 2026,

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 2 Comments

I realize we are just getting to know one another, and perhaps this is too soon, but seeing as we are going to spend the next twelve months together, I wanted to make my expectations and non-negotiables clear. (It’s something I’m working on.) You see, the last few years have been a little unkind, and I want to be clear from the jump that I’m looking for something different.

Now, you may be coming to this relationship innocently — full of promise and potential — but I’ve heard similar claims before. Fool me once and all that…I don’t want to judge you on my past experiences but, look, if we don’t learn the lessons of history, we are bound to repeat them, am I right?

So let me state it plainly, I will be tolerating no January falls that injure the elders in my life. No new cancer diagnoses are welcome. In fact, make that no new chronic illness diagnoses either. And for those in our lives who are already suffering, let’s agree on a little grace — a little compassion — you know what I mean?

I don’t mind, particularly, if you want to bring a significant snowfall to kick off our time together. I mean, what’s six to eight inches of snow and a school cancellation between you and me? In fact, it could set us off on the right foot together.

I did hear a rumor that you have already provided me with a staff vacancy to work through — so thanks for that. I am willing to overlook this offense if you quickly provide a highly qualified replacement who has a passion for my students. Bonus points if that happens inside of January and if they come with loads of experience. But let’s have no more teachers walking away from their positions before the end of the school year. Got it?

Now, what you could provide is some sanity in the political realm. I’m not picky; it just might be nice to have leaders held to the same levels of accountability as average folks. Also, a return to the constitutional balance of powers might be nice — you know where Congress has to approve things before the president takes sweeping action or where the Supreme Court holds him accountable when he doesn’t. That type of thing. I’m not crazy enough to hold out for indictments against the president that lead to conviction — I mean we’ve seen how that plays out. I’m trying to keep things realistic here.

What I’m not looking for is more innocent civilians, minding their own business and committing no crimes, being targeted by federal agencies. I’m not looking for racist or hate-filled language from government leaders or the policies that are birthed from such rhetoric. Instead, what I am looking for is the people in positions of power to stand up and do something. I honestly don’t even care how they protest, as long as it looks like elected and appointed officials are not just serving to prop up a very corrupt enterprise. You want to get in good with me? Inspire some justice, some equity, some good old fashioned civil disobedience.

I’m not expecting miracles — just movement. A movement toward policies that benefit the poor, the voiceless, the helpless, the disenfranchised. I’m looking for some legislative moves that benefit those who don’t make six- or seven- or 10-digit salaries, that help those who aren’t necessarily white, that benefit women, and children, for heaven’s sake.

These asks have grown to sound audacious in recent years. I am begging you to provide a different climate — a climate where all voices can be heard, where all bodies are safe, where all children are fed.

I realize I’m coming in kind of pointy here, but if you scroll back through the timelines of the last few years, you may begin to understand how insane it has been. I’m just trying to find some days, weeks, and months that hold some hope.

Hope for healed relationships, hope for improved health, hope for immigrants, for the poor, for the LGBTQ community, for the aging, for my students.

Wouldn’t you like to be different, innovative, dare I say transformational? Imagine what people might say about a year that turned the tables, changed the course, began a new era? A year without gun violence, without scandal, without sexual crime, without devastating fire or flood or war?

I do recognize that you can’t do this on your own. We can’t expect a new year to waltz in here and create all this change by itself. You’ll need partners who are willing to think differently and act differently. You’ll need folks to put in some effort, not to just shrug their shoulders muttering, “well this sucks, doesn’t it?” You’ll need people to envision the possibilities and then work toward them. You’ll need us to believe in One who makes all things new — even when we’ve stopped believing, perhaps because we’ve stopped believing.

So here I am, 2026. I am taking a step of faith, believing that you might be different from the ones who have come before you. I’m committing to doing my part to be the change I want to see in this world. I am trusting not in you — come on, I wasn’t born yesterday — but in the Creator of all things, the great Transformer, to do a new thing. And when He does, I’ll be writing about it. You just watch and see.

[for] He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20

What is Needed

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Often in this space, I write about the students at my small charter high school in Detroit. From time to time, I share their needs and invite you to partner with me in meeting them. One time I mentioned the need for athletic shoes, and a handful of you helped me purchase about twenty (yes, 20!) pairs for our track athletes! Other times, I’ve asked for support at Christmas, and some of you have sent items from an Amazon wish list, purchased gift cards, or simply sent cash. It’s not always the same people — some of you are local to me, some are friends from way in the past, and some of you I’ve never even met — but when I ask, the needs of my students always get met.

This past week, not having the time or inspiration for a complete blog post, I just flung out a request via social media. I said we had 8-10 families with extraordinary hardship that we’d like to send on their holiday break with grocery and gas gift cards. I’ve been coordinating efforts like these for five years or more, and my school community has come to count on the fact that “I’ve got a lot of great friends.” However, every time I ask, I momentarily wonder if the magic will continue — will people see my request? will they want to contribute? Then I usually remind myself that “before I am asking, He is answering,” and trust that God will provide.

This week was no different. That Facebook ask was just a week ago and we have plenty of donated cash and gift cards to support ten families in ways that they are not expecting — what a fun day our principal will have later this week, handing fat envelopes over to families who have no idea they are coming! I can’t know the impact your gifts will have!

So, first, let me say thank you to those who stop by to read my posts about education, my health, politics (gasp), and the things I am learning, but also to those who choose to contribute to students they have never met. I am astounded by your generosity that keeps showing up at just the right time. Even sometimes when I haven’t asked, a need is just around the corner, and you have met it in advance. Thank you for your heart, for your thoughtfulness, for your care.

Now, let me tell what I learned this week about what kids really need.

A few weeks ago, a teacher who is somewhat new to our district, a woman who just has a way of connecting with kids — the kind of teacher who kids show up to school for, the rare one who can get a whole room to lean in and listen as she walks step by step through a procedure, the kind who can glance up from a demonstration and silence a chatterbox without saying a word — this teacher mentioned to me that she’d like to put on a Christmas event for our students, did I think that would be ok?

I, thinking of our students’ physical needs, immediately (and wrongly) assumed that she wanted to coordinate the giving effort I have just described, and I directed her to speak with our principal. I thought it would be a great idea to pass the baton. LOL. It took me a couple of weeks to realize that what she was planning was very different than what I was assuming. She had a vision for a night of games and fun for a select group of students — a meal, prizes, and gaiety. No presents, nope. Instead, these students would “pay” the entry fee of a donated hat or mittens for someone less fortunate than themselves.

You heard me. She wanted our students — all of whom qualify for free breakfast and lunch — to make a sacrifice to be there. And not just anyone could attend. It was invitation only — kids who consistently come to school, kids who lean into learning, kids who lead, kids who volunteer, kids who do the right thing.

This was so far off my radar that I couldn’t picture the impact until I actually showed up.

The teacher asked her church to donate a meal, and churches being what they are, they had a crew walking in with wings, fries, mac and cheese, and green beans in chafing dishes that they placed over sterno pots.

She asked our staff to donate water, cookies, and prizes for the games — each category filled a table.

“What can I bring,” I asked around Tuesday when most of the above had already been donated.

“I have hot chocolate. Would you bring toppings?”

“Toppings? Like whipped cream?” I asked.

“Yeah, and I like mini chocolate chips, and sprinkles, and marshmallows…you know, to make a self-serve hot chocolate bar.”

“Ok, I can do that.” I said.

Since I was headed to the grocery anyway to pick up gift cards with the cash that some of you had sent me, it was easy to throw a few more things into the cart.

“Oh,” she said, “one more thing. Would you go around to the classes on Friday and hand out tickets to the ones who can attend?”

“Sure. Whatever you need,” I said — before I realized that this would mean handing them out in front of kids who were not invited. This was a struggle for me — little miss equity this and access that — but, I did it. It was uncomfortable saying, “I’m sorry, you are not on the list. This is an invitation-only event,” but I had to trust my colleague’s vision.

School was dismissed at 3:30 and a crew of students moved to the gym to set up. They were in charge of decorating and setting up the space for the meal, the games, the celebration. While they were doing that, I retreated to my office to finish an administrative task. When I arrived shortly after 5:00, students clad in Christmas pajamas were personalizing their hot chocolate, greeting their friends, chatting at tables, and listening to Christmas music. You might expect this at any Christmas party, but in this community’s world of scarcity, it felt different.

Teens who are normally just trying to get through the day — to get a ride to school, to find something to eat, to stay warm, to manage all the expectations of all the people around them — were free just to be.

And then, the silly Christmas games began!

Asked to find a partner and line up in the gym, students who typically display reluctance to engage, jumped out of their seats, grabbed hands, and ran to the designated location. They tossed miniature Christmas ornaments into cups, they played a version of Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes, and they raced to steal Christmas bows that were stuck to each other’s shirts (the one who ends up with the most wins)!

They laughed. They played. For a few moments on a Friday evening, they were allowed to be kids.

Students who typically have to put up a hard exterior — who have to save face — in this small group of students felt safe enough to put their guard down and be silly.

And that my friends was exactly what our students needed. They needed a safe space, they needed to feel like contributors, they needed the extravagance of a meal prepared just for them, of a hot chocolate bar, of games with prizes, of a fun Friday night with their friends. I sat and took it in — smiling, laughing, snapping photos — and realizing that I need to broaden my view of what is essential.

Friends, I am likely going to keep asking for contributions, so thank you in advance for tolerating my boldness and joining when you choose, but I am also going to open my eyes to what else my students need. I’m going to look for more opportunities to acknowledge all of Maslow’s hierarchy (not just the the foundation) because the sense of connection, of respect, of fulfillment are just as essential to developing teens as food, as transportation, as shelter, as safety.

Hats off to my colleague for leveraging her community to meet these needs. In doing so, she also challenged me.

God will meet all your needs. Philippians 4:19

Life These Days

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

The question of the moment around folks my age — and for the record, I’m just shy of 60– is “how much longer do you think you’re gonna work?”

My most frequent response is often something like, “I’m not in a hurry to be done. I love what I do. I hope I can stay at it a while!”

This is, of course, not how everyone feels. Many my age have put in a long, hard 40 or more years of work in jobs and careers that have taken a toll — physically, mentally, relationally, or in other ways that might make a person want to walk away.

Let’s be honest, if you’ve spent 30-40 years on an assembly line — you might be ready for a change of scenery. If you’ve led a corporation and had the weight of the bottom line, personnel challenges, and inventory management on your back, you might be ready to sit by a pool, sipping a cool drink. If you’ve been in a classroom for 40 years — attending to the needs of children, designing instruction, managing behavior, and adapting to continuously changing policies, cultural norms, and learning challenges, you might be ready to just have a day that doesn’t involve managing anything but yourself.

And while I have certainly had my challenges and seasons of disillusionment and burnout, none of those scenarios truly describe me. After working in many different settings over the years, I find myself in a role that feels like a culmination — the place I was intended to arrive at, so I don’t find myself asking how much longer I want to work, but rather: When I look back at all I have learned, what do I have to offer these days?

In the early years — the first 3-5 of my career — bravado carried me past insecurity so that I could survive in situations that were way outside my experience. A middle school special ed classroom in Detroit? No problem for this secondary English major from small town Michigan! A self-contained classroom inside a residential facility teaching not only ELA but also social studies, math, science — I got this! I faked my way through and while I can’t say that my students (or I) won any awards, everyone learned something — including me. I learned about being overwhelmed and about working with limited resources. I learned to lean into the uncomfortable and to try just about anything. Did I occasionally lose my shit and come undone in front of a classroom full of typically behaving students? Sure. Did I also take a van load of Detroit teenagers on a day-long adventure to Ann Arbor? Yes, I did! Did we overfill our day with activities? Absolutely! Did we arrive back to school late after dismissal? We sure did! Did those kids and I have a ball touring a college campus, going to a hands-on museum, and eating at Pizza Hut? Yes! Rookie me swung for the fences, folks.

The bravado only carried me so far into my years at home with my own children. In fact, I think it was day one home from the hospital when I called a friend emergency-style to come save me because nursing wasn’t working out according to plan. I wish I would’ve admitted right there and then that I was clueless about mothering, but faking it until I made it was my theme song, and I just kept singing. Before I knew it, I was sitting on the living room floor with three children of my own, reading stories, learning letters, and playing games. Those days were exhausting and precious to me! We had a lot of fun, but I was making it up as I went along, so I certainly made plenty of mistakes. I pushed myself and the kids way too hard, and I expected way too much, but in continuing to give it everything I had, I learned how to schedule out a day that included learning, adventure, rest, and play; how to turn a few hot dogs and some popcorn into a baseball watching party; and how to get through a puke-filled night with little to no sleep. I learned that I could manage much more than I imagined, that I had a lot of people who were willing to help, and that it wasn’t a weakness to ask them.

When I returned to the classroom the first time, it was to a position that was far bigger than my experience — the English Department Chair and Dual-Enrollment ELA teacher at a small private high school. Not only would I, once again, be faking it ‘til I made it, I would be doing so all day long in a new environment while I was also still —at home — learning how to parent my own children who were in the process of transitioning from childhood to adolescence in a new home in a new city in a new state.The lift in both arenas was immense, but I was gonna make it happen. I learned a curriculum, read dozens of books, short stories, poems, and essays and adapted to a modified block schedule and the world of Apple computers while I also navigated the needs and ever-changing emotions of a family that was struggling to find its footing. For nine years, it seems, I was in constant motion — either preparing to teach, teaching, or grading in one space or cooking, cleaning, driving, scheduling, or otherwise parenting in another. Those years seem like a blur as I look back, probably because I never stopped running.

And then, all the motion came to a halt. Readers of this blog know that those years ended in an autoimmune diagnosis and an exit from the classroom followed by convalescence and a [next chapter] of re-learning how to live which landed me where I am now.

I came into this season humbled by the knowledge that I did I have a limit, and that I did not indeed know everything. When I was offered the position to teach ELA at a small charter high school in Detroit, I was grateful to be in any classroom at all. The fact that it was familiar territory — teaching seniors about college and the skills they would need to be successful — meant that I would NOT have to fake it til I made it. I could just be the authentic me, sharing what I know and loving the students who were in front of me. Granted, I still had much to learn — our school has an instructional model that was new to me, and I would, for the the first time in my career, have a coach, but none of that was overwhelming. In fact, it was comforting to know that I had support and that I wouldn’t have to find all the answers on my own.

That was over five years ago, and now I’m no longer teaching but coaching other teachers who may be in their very first year or nearing their 10th or 20th year. Some of them are faking it until they make it, some are disillusioned, and some are managing a lot in other areas of their lives.

I have a front row seat to their experience and that’s why I’m asking myself this question: What have I learned and what do I have to offer these folks?

I’ve learned that showing up and doing your best goes a long way — even if your best isn’t amazing, it’s likely good enough.

I’ve learned that being brave can lead to remarkable opportunities that change you forever.

I’ve learned that others are willing to support you if you are willing to ask.

I’ve learned that family is much more important than work and that your health needs to take priority over any perceived deadline.

I’ve learned that who I authentically am is much more valuable to my students and the people I love than getting every decision right or accomplishing every task.

I learned these things the hard way over the last many years, and maybe these folks — the people I rub elbows with every day and those that I coach — will have to learn them the hard way, too.

I think what I have to offer right now is the empathy and compassion gained from my own journey. I have a rare opportunity to offer support and encouragement, and the wisdom that comes with each of these gray hairs.

I’ve got perspective — each day is important but no day is definitive.

I’ve got plenty of gas left in the tank to come alongside the members of my team, to see their passion, their frustration, their hope, and their fatigue. If they are willing to keep showing up, I will, too.

Maybe I’ll get a chance to share what I’ve learned. More likely, I, too, will learn something new.

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

Capacity

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Did you ever wonder what your capacity is? How much you can truly hold, carry, manage, or deal with? Have you, like me, recently found yourself staring that limit right in the face?

Yesterday, I walked into my principal’s office for a meeting we had scheduled. She was wrapping up a conversation with a student who had lashed out at a classmate because she “just couldn’t do it today” — she couldn’t handle his joking, couldn’t deal with the annoyance.

“Every other day I can just ignore him, but today wasn’t that day.”

“You didn’t have the bandwidth?”

“Nope.”

“I get it. I’m glad you’re talking about it. We all have days when we have reached our limit.”

At the age of nearly 60, I’ve had loads of days where I have reached my limit. When I was a child, I might’ve reached my limit quite quickly — I might have fallen to pieces simply because it was time to leave my grandparents’ house. When I was in high school, like the student above, a classmate’s comments might have pushed me over the edge.

But here’s the thing about life, as you move through it, you build muscle — and capacity — and you are able to manage much more than you ever thought possible. Still, everyone of us can find our limit.

I mean, everyday life can be seemingly at the “this is working” phase — you’ve finally found something that resembles work/life balance. You can meet job demands and also attend to the laundry, meal prep, family needs, and even routine maintenance of the house and the car. In fact, you can also easily manage your role in meeting the ongoing life and healthcare needs of an aging family member. You’re feeling pretty good because you also managed to budget for and schedule your participation at a weekend family vacation/celebration in the first quarter of the school year and you’ve plotted out on the calendar how to keep all systems functioning while you are away.

But then.. just as you are packing your suitcase, a major household system (think HVAC, plumbing, or electrical) has a major issue.

“No problem,” you announce boldly. “We’ve prepared financially and we can deal with it fully when we return.” You’ve been through enough difficult situations in your life that you know this isn’t the end of the world. A frustration? Yes, but meltdown worthy? No.

You merrily leave for the event, and upon your return home just a couple days later, you realize that said major household issue could possibly still be an issue, but it’s late, and you’re tired, so you try to get some sleep.

You wake the next day, to “knock out” a deliverable on a pre-arranged work-from-home day, only to realize it’s not the kind of thing that can indeed be “knocked out” in a day, so you lift up your concern to a supervisor who directs you to “just A, B, and C”, so you spend a few hours doing A, B, and C, and then your supervisor’s supervisor drops into the group chat and says, “No, A, B, and C won’t work. So, I’m just going to complete this deliverable so that you can run with it,” and your face falls flat. You close your laptop and go for a walk.

Did you let your supervisor know that you were annoyed? that it bothered you to spend time on a project that was subsequently dismissed? Did you perhaps have a tone? Did you perhaps register your complaint a bit too strongly and too repeatedly?

Perhaps. But have you hit capacity? Not even close. You can’t even count how many frustrating days you’ve had at work, how many hours you’ve spent on projects, or how many times you’ve had to toss the product of hard work.

However, while you were elbowing your way through your work day, your husband was discovering that the major house issue has actually turned into a much more major house issue involving multiple contractors, several estimates, insurance adjustors, and scheduling.

“Ok,” you say, taking deep breaths, “we are still ok. We’ve gotta keep doing yoga, keep eating right, keep walking, keep writing, but we’re ok.”

Your husband, thankfully, continues to manage most of the house details, while also meeting his own professional responsibilities, and you pinch hit when needed while juggling the demands of yours.

The next weekend arrives and while he stays home to continue project management, you head north to support the aforementioned family member. The weekend is less than demanding, and you catch up on sleep, before returning home in time to eat, rest, and return to work on Monday morning.

The work week starts out typically, but on Tuesday, things start to pile on. The family member needs additional medical tests, you learn the work on the house isn’t scheduled to start until December, and as you leave work, you find yourself driving through a torrential downpour so that you can make an appointment for a routine oil change. After waiting for an hour and managing various pieces of correspondence, you learn from the technician that it’s time to replace the tires and she has prepared you with three separate quotes. You can feel your affect going flat just as you receive a notification on your phone that the storm has caused a power outage at your house.

And that was it.

You hit capacity. You couldn’t talk about it. You couldn’t process it. You had not one shred of bandwidth.

You drove the 20 minutes home in silence, made your way into the house, and plunked into a chair by the window overlooking your husband who was trying to start an uncooperative generator.

You needed food. And sleep. And something to shift.

Somehow, the two of you found your way to a vehicle, drove to a restaurant, ordered food, ate it, and returned home. You had cleaned up and crawled into bed just before the lights came back on and the furnace kicked in.

[Thank God.]

The next day the repair date was moved up to the first week in November.

[Exhale.]

The family member was seen by the doctor and a plan was put in place.

[OK.]

The tire replacement was scheduled.

[We have a plan.]

Just enough shift happened, and somehow, everything seems manageable again.

For now.

Take it from this old head, wherever you are in life, trying times are going to come and test your capacity — you may lose your mind when someone eats a bag of corn chips that were intended for the evening meal, but the experiences of today are building your capacity for the difficulties of tomorrow. And, be assured, tomorrow will certainly have difficulty — maybe just an irritating boy at school, possibly just a flat tire on the way to work, hopefully just a major house system repair that can be done and dusted in the space of a month. We need those light and momentary troubles so that we can manage it when the shit gets particularly real. And that will happen, too, I’m sorry to say. That will happen, too.

And at those times, you may find you have reached capacity — you may find you don’t have words, or reason, or the ability to make a meal. I pray you discover you are not alone or without hope. I pray that something shifts and you find that once again have some capacity.

[Indeed…] in this world you will have trouble, but take heart [I have endless capacity,] and I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Typical, 2025 version

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

It’s been a pretty typical week for 2025– a virtual genocide continues in Gaza (albeit with talks of a coming ceasefire and hostage release, all of which we’ve heard before), the US government is shut down, four people were killed in a church shooting an hour away, and Jane Goodall — a universal treasure– passed away. Oh, and I’ve spent the week trying to provide an equitable educational opportunity to six sections of high school science students.

Here’s what’s going on — I am the instructional coordinator in a small charter school on the border of Detroit and Dearborn. You could drive right by us and not know we are there. We operate out of a run-down former Catholic elementary school which we rent for a rumored gasp-worthy sum from the Archdiocese of Detroit. The parking lot of this building, which our busses have to traverse twice a day, is literally crumbling under our feet/wheels. To come onto the property each day, I have to ignore the willful negligence that would allow a literal lake to form in the center of the asphalt, but I digress.

We aren’t glamorous is my point. The building is too hot in the fall and spring because we have no air conditioning and too hot in the winter because of the antiquated boiler system we use to heat it. Windows need repair, and the gym, which we use as cafeteria, gym, and auditorium, is way too small to host any kind of athletic competition. If you could, based on facilities, choose to teach anywhere else, you probably would. Or, if you could choose to teach students who read at grade level or who have involved parents or who come to school prepared to learn every day, you would probably choose to do that.

But we aren’t that school.

Nevertheless, we have almost 300 students who deserve a high quality education. And we can’t provide that — we can’t get them up to their current grade level, we can’t adequately prepare them for postsecondary education or the work world, we can’t give them an opportunity to change their circumstances — without well-trained teachers, and I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but there isn’t a surplus of those lying around.

This is my 6th year at my school, and every single year we’ve had at least one, if not two or three, classes covered by long term substitute teachers or, more recently, online alternatives, and that’s not because we aren’t doing everything we can to find teachers — we are!

So here’s what happens — each spring we post all of our openings, then we interview all summer, we make offers to the most qualified people, we believe we are fully staffed for the fall, then days before school starts, we realize that one or more of our teachers has changed their mind and moved on — maybe for more pay, maybe for a different environment, maybe for a promotion. The reason doesn’t matter. We suddenly find ourselves with a hole to fill.

Now, because this is our reality, we do always staff 2-3 permanent building substitutes. These folks are salaried employees who come into the building every day. They are typically not certified teachers or subject matter experts, but they are committed members of our team who know and love our students. We also have a creative leadership team that has found myriad work-arounds over the years.

This year’s shortages were looming all summer — we found and hired multiple math and science teachers only to have each of them move on before the first day of school, so in the final hours we made a plan. Our Geometry and Algebra II courses would be staffed by a returning qualified educator. Our financial literacy course would be taught by a permanent employee who also runs his own business. Algebra I, Principles of Physics, and Chemistry would be covered by a company called Elevate K-12. This company hires certified teachers who live in other locations to zoom into our classrooms and provide high quality instruction. For these classes, we provide an in-person facilitator — a member of our team who knows the students and manages all on-location needs such as attendance, providing physical materials, and managing any student behavior issues. This is our second year using Elevate, and although last year’s start was bumpy, I must say that we have found our rhythm.

With all of those classes covered, we still had three sections of Biology and three sections of Earth Science to cover with days remaining before students would arrive. With no applicants in the hiring stream, we turned to an agency that provides long-term subs to area schools. (You read that right — the teacher shortage is so profound that agencies exist solely to provide long-term substitutes.) That agency sent us two people to interview. We chose the one who had some experience in a high school science classroom, and she started right away.

She did a good job of getting to know the people, finding her way around the building, fostering relationships with our students, and showing up for work everyday…until she didn’t.

And now we are looking again.

The students have not had a teacher now for seven school days. They have had members of our team covering, and I have been providing assignments (without instruction) and grading papers. Even if I could stay in the classroom every day, I don’t know enough about population dynamics or the chemical composition of the sun to guide these young minds through their learning. And I can’t stay in the classroom anyway — I have a whole job of coaching and supporting the other teachers in the building in their quest to meet the needs of our students who have profound knowledge gaps and who nevertheless have dreams and goals and deserve every opportunity to make them happen.

No, we need to find someone qualified to teach these classes.

My principal sent me a calendar invite to join her for an interview on Thursday — someone the agency sent to take over these courses. He was a career scientist — full of content knowledge. However, although he’d done some one-on-one tutoring over the years, he’d never been in a classroom, never kept a grade book, never presented with a slide deck. We’re starting week six of classes on Monday and we need someone to jump in there, hit the ground running, and salvage what is left of this semester for these kids.

So we’re still looking, and I’m still giving assignments and grading and encouraging students and their substitutes to stay the course. This is where we are, and this is what we have.

Meanwhile, a few states away, grown men who have their education can’t agree on how to fund the government while they are simultaneously allowing millions to be spent rounding up undocumented immigrants.

I wonder if they care that 411,549 teaching positions in the US remain unfilled or filled by folks not fully certified. I wonder if they care about the students impacted by those vacancies, many of whom are from low-income homes that struggle to meet their everyday needs for food, housing, and transportation. I wonder if they think about that when they are deadlocked on their decision over spending for healthcare that will most certainly impact these same families.

I wonder who we have become and how this has become just another typical week.

Do you wonder, too?

Seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Isaiah 1:17

If you or someone you know (certified or not) has a background in science and a heart for kids, click on this link and tell them I sent you. (We have openings at our elementary school, too.)

Support That Claim

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Click the arrow above to listen to me read this post. Printed text has linked content, some of which supports my claims.

Since we discussed bullying in my last post, perhaps we should also discuss another adolescent behavior — making unsubstantiated claims.

Guys, I’ve been hanging out with teenagers and children since 1989 when I taught my first class of mostly male 7th graders in a small school on the east side of Detroit. From there to suburban Detroit to a couple small towns in south central Michigan to St. Louis, Missouri, to Ann Arbor, and back to Detroit where I teach now, one hallmark behavior of all the teenagers and youth I have worked with is blurting out accusations without proper evidence.

I’m walking down the hall and a senior runs up to me frantically, “Mrs. Rathje, can you talk to Mr. Smith. I’m failing his class, and I did my work. He’s just not putting in the grades.”

A young man says, “We would’ve won that game last night, but the other team cheated.”

Someone else says, “My parents won’t pay for me to go to the prom. Can you help me out?”

These are all claims that one might be tempted to immediately believe. They might reply, “The teacher can’t do that! I’ll make him post his grades immediately.” or “They cheated! What did they do?” or “What a shame! Of course I will get you some money for prom.”

But critically thinking adults know that before they believe a claim, they need to ask for the evidence.

“Come with me to that teacher and let’s see what work has been recorded and what work has not.”

“Tell me more about the game. Who scored? How? What did your team do?”

“I know you want to go to the prom. What conversations have you had with your parents? What kinds of things do you think you need?”

Often, when we ask a follow up question we find out that the student did indeed do some of the school work and that the teacher had put in those grades, however, the student had missed some other critical assignments that he may or may not have been aware of. The team may have suffered a loss, but the other team may have simply outplayed them. The prom-goer might have assumed the parents couldn’t afford to pay for any of prom, but after a brief conversation, the student learns that they can cover the needed clothes, just not the admission ticket.

Teenagers (and other folks who have not matured beyond adolescent thinking) make unsubstantiated claims for lots of reasons. Often they are panicking — about their grades, about finances, or about feeling slighted — or they are feeling insecure — about their performance, their identity, or their social standing. One of the most important roles of the adults in the room is to identify that dysregulated emotion and to help ground the developing mind in reality.

Critical thinkers have to ask questions. If we see in the news that a man was shot and some are suggesting that a particular group was responsible, we have to ask the question, how do you know that?

If a political leader claims that a well-known and widely used medication causes neurodivergence, adults need to ask for the studies that prove this. Those in the room who know the claim to be false need to stand up and say, “Um, sir, that simply has not been proven.”

Most people from time to time make an unsubstantiated claim. I might say, for example, “prices are sky-rocketing; retailers really don’t care about the average consumer.” I may really feel this way, but unless I have evidence of retailers making decisions — setting prices — with blatant disregard for consumers, my claim is unsubstantiated. It might seem fairly harmless for me to say this in a fit of exasperation, but I may impact others simply by making the claim. Some people who trust me and know my track record of being thoughtful and researched may actually believe my unproven rant and form an opinion about retailers based on my spouting off. They may even change their shopping behavior because of their belief in my momentary rant.

And I’m just an every day middle-aged woman from the midwest. What if I had a national platform — what if I held a position of leadership or even power? What if I, standing on a national stage made the claim that a large northwestern city was under the siege of war? Would my constituents believe me? Would they form opinions about that city? Would they act on my claim? Would anyone in my orbit have the courage to demand that I provide evidence before broadcasting such incendiary language?

In a typical day, the average person is peppered with claims — from their coworkers touting the most efficient way to get the job done to their social media feeds spouting the latest health fad to their television news shows (whichever angle they are espousing) delivering their packaged opinions, to their neighbors and family members simply sharing their thoughts. It can be exhausting to interrogate every single claim you hear, but responsible adults must.

What complicates matters is that all of these claims are being made at a time when 54% of US adults (aged 16 to 74) read below a 6th grade level and 21% are functionally illiterate. More than half of the adults you encounter in a day may not be able to comprehend the evidence that supports some of the claims being made or may not have the critical thinking skills required to interrogate them.

However, some of us do! Some people have positions in rooms where very big decisions are made based on unsubstantiated claims, and they have the knowledge and ability to ask hard questions, to challenge authority, to stand up to crazy.

And they — we — must.

Whatever room you are in, whatever claims are being made, you have the responsibility to identify the dysregulation in the room and ask the questions that ground people in reality.

For the love of God and all things holy.

Ask for the evidence. Question the claim.

…examine everything carefully; hold fast to what is good. I Thessalonians 5:21

Of (not politics, but) Bullying

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

Some people don’t like it when I talk about politics….I get it. If, as Wikipedia* states, politics is “the set of activities that are associated with making decisions in groups, or other forms of power relations among individuals, such as the distribution of status or resources,” I can see why the topic might make some people feel uncomfortable.

I mean, why would you want to examine the reality of which folks hold the power, which groups benefit from the decisions of those folks, and which groups are historically and perpetually disenfranchised by those decisions. That examination could lead to unsavory images, to be sure, and we wouldn’t want anyone to have to see that, so, let’s not talk about politics.

Instead, class, today let’s talk about bullies.

Every single school I have been a part of has had its bullies.

They don’t have to be the stereotypical intimidatingly oversized thugs that might be populating on your brain screen. In fact the bully of my first class was quite undersized. Physicality is not essential to the bully. Rather what characterizes the bully is the behavior that seeks to dehumanize, belittle, embarrass, or otherwise harm others and the presence of, at first, a yes man, then a crew, and ultimately the compliance of the larger group in allowing the bully to continue harming others.

It often starts with the bully targeting someone who is demonstrably “weak”. The bully might make fun of the disabled, denigrate immigrants, or even make jokes about someone’s weight. He (or she) looks around for a target then slings a grenade with the intent to do harm. But the harm is not where the power lies.

No. The power lies in the reaction to the harm. He gets a laugh at the expense of the disabled, a snicker at the expense of the immigrant, a guffaw at the expense of the overweight. And those responses are the fuel for the next attack.

Still high from the reaction of the yes men, the bully begins to scope out his next target — maybe someone with a little more clout — maybe a classmate or a peer. First he spreads rumors to harm his target’s reputation, he engages in name-calling to dehumanize his foe, he might even accuse others of wrong-doing, whether or not there is credence to his claims.

Throughout all of this, those around him, seeing the power he is building, have to make a choice — do they want to land in the bully’s sites or take a position at his side?

That’s a tough call, especially if you are in middle school or still have the insecurities that you had when you were in middle school. You might not think you can handle humiliation. You might not think you could weather the name-calling. You might not think you could bear up under the rumors. So, you chuckle at his antics, you move to his side of the room, you excuse his behavior as harmless, and you turn your eyes away from the victim.

And you continue to live with that decision because it still feels safer than having him turn the attention on you.

But then the assaults escalate. The blows become physical. And he’s going after someone who is or who used to be your friend. He might even attack a member of your family. Then you have to face a crisis of identity — who do you want to be? Do you want to stand behind this guy, smiling for the camera in your suit, waving your flag of allegiance, as he takes shots at not only the least of these but also at your neighbor, your brother, your friend, or your mom?

This moment happens in every bullying movie you’ve ever watched — The Karate Kid, when Danny LaRusso takes the blows of Johnny Lawrence almost to his peril in the final match, Mean Girls when Cady, who was once part of Regina George’s crew, finds herself a target when the burn book is circulated — the individual who had chosen to capitulate or even join a bully has to decide if they are going to stand up.

The rare ones who, despite their inner terror, find the courage to say “Not here, not today,” rise up from their devastation and face the bully. In the movies, this usually results in the bully walking away in shame or, in the most ideal of scenarios, having a change of heart and determining to be a different kind of person.

This sometimes happens in real life, too, although not inside the space of 90 minutes, and certainly not when the bully has been allowed to gain control beyond the schoolyard and into the community. No, in those cases, one person standing up will not be enough. To stop a bully who has, through all the text-book tactics of instilling fear through intimidation, established a culture of systemic compliance to the most ludicrous of actions, the community must come together and take a collective stand. They must, united, shout “Not here, not today!”

One person might not stop a bully, but a lot of single people, together, can do almost anything.

The bully can’t continue unless the community lets him.

Certainly the community will wake up and put a stop to it — it’s not politics, after all, it’s just refusing to let one person dehumanize another.

Defend the weak and fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. Psalm 82:3

A couple of notes:

*If you were a student of mine in the early 2000s and cannot believe that I actually cited Wikipedia, see also lecture #497 entitled “Anybody Can Change”**.

**And when I say “anybody can change”, I do mean even bullies.

Also, if you listened to this post, you might be interested to know that the text version has several embedded links.

Back to School: Before and After

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

I write a post like this almost every year — scroll back, you’ll see! Each fall, I can’t stop myself! I’m still filled with the child-like wonder and excitement of going back to school. I mean, yeah, I had outfits picked out, bought a new pair of school shoes (okay, two pair!) and kept them fresh for day one (and two!). I had my classic teacher terror nightmare — only this year it wasn’t me showing up naked, late, and unprepared, it was my teaching cohort! And I’m here to tell you that the stress was not less!

I get so excited about the return to school because it holds so much possibility — imagine the potential for transformation!! And in any story of transformation you need the “before” pic. Let me see if I can paint it for you.

The students first showed up on the Thursday before Labor Day. I can spot the freshman from a mile away. They shyly and awkwardly accompany their parents and older or younger siblings. They stand quietly as their people sign them in, looking around to see who else is there, who is looking at them, who is judging them, who can see their insecurity.

Sophomores roll up with slightly more confidence, sometimes with a parent tagging along ten paces behind. These students steal glances, seeing what looks familiar — teachers, friends, anything.

Juniors have just a hint of swagger — they know the drill — they know who’s who, what’s what, and where’s where. They quickly run through the requisite stops — schedule pick-up, bus sign up, sports physical — then find their friends to take laps inside the building, check out new students, get into a little harmless mischief, or do a little peacocking.

Seniors? You can’t tell them nothin’. They have their hair done, are wearing a dope ‘fit, and have texted their friends to arrive at the same time. They run this place — they are beaming and bouncing. This is their year and they know it.

And that’s all on the Thursday before school even starts — before the three-day weekend, before reality hits, before they have to arrive on time, sit in an assigned seat, do the coursework, take notes, stand in lines, or listen intently.

But all that has begun now, too. We have finished a week of students being in the building, running to get to class before the bell, asking permission to use the bathroom, looking for a snack, trying to hide their phones, getting caught with their phones, turning over their phones, and waiting to get their phones back at the end of the day.

They came in on Tuesday, and we were ready for them.

Our teachers had on shirts emblazoned with our Activate Excellence motto, arriving early to put finishing touches on their rooms and man their stations in the gym for arrival. We had some teachers collecting phones, some handing out schedules, and some stationed as greeters. There were hugs and fist bumps and hand shakes with our returning students, so it wasn’t difficult to pick out those who are new to our building — freshmen, of course, but also quite a few transfers.

In Detroit, a district with over 50,000 students, most high schools have enrollments of over 700, and some have over 1000. Our charter high school is small — under 300 students — so we often get students who found those larger contexts to be untenable. Maybe they were overwhelmed. Maybe they didn’t find a connection or friend group. Maybe they got into a fight and are now dealing with the aftermath. Whatever the reason, we often end up with a unique collection of students who for whatever reason couldn’t or didn’t want to make it happen somewhere else.

We’re a charter school — so students choose to come to us. Granted, sometimes that choice is because they have run out of other options, but I like to think they choose us because we are a small community. Everyone knows everyone else — no one goes unseen. If you came to school without a jacket, someone saw that. If you look particularly down or quiet on a given day, a person noticed. You’re hungry? You know who to ask for a snack. You don’t have a ride home? Chances are you have a connection with a staff member who will help you figure it out.

Changed your hair? We saw it.

Grew up over the summer? We know.

Your ability to manage conflict is improving? We give you kudos.

Let me give you a glimpse at an “after” pic.

For the past four years, we have had a student in the building who was classified as “homeless” and qualified for resources under the federal McKinney-Vento Act. Last June, this student graduated despite having transportation challenges, learning difficulties, and very little family support. Staff at the school made it possible for him to attend prom and participate in all senior activities, and the young man was repeatedly overwhelmed with gratitude. When he walked into our decision day celebration in early May, he hugged several of us and wiped away tears. When he arrived at prom, he approached staff members, tearfully repeating, “I can’t believe this is actually happening!” and when he showed up for graduation, he could barely find words. He savored every moment, and his classmates and teachers saw it for what it was — the realization of a dream.

On that day, he didn’t know what his summer or future would look like. Because of his situation, he was having difficulty getting access to the documents that would make him work eligible, but late in summer we received word that he had what he needed and had found employment in a hospital. This past week, he reached out to one of our staff members and said he was working a lot of overtime and was looking for an affordable apartment.

The staff member reported this in our group chat, and I must say that in the middle of a school day at the end of the first week of school, when everyone is getting tired and ready to go home for the weekend, that little notification reminded us all what a special place we work in.

Just four years ago, this young man was one of our awkward freshmen — he missed a lot of school days, and we noticed. He often came unprepared to learn, and we said something. He had the support of a friend who got him to the building every day, but he came late and left early. It was frustrating, to be sure, but we found ways to work with him. He had the support of the social worker, the principal, the resource room teacher, and literally every single adult in the building. It was not uncommon to see him checking in with one of our custodians who might as well be everyone’s momma.

And now he’s a high school graduate, he’s got a job, and he’s looking for an apartment. If that’s not a transformation, I don’t know what one is.

I guess that’s why I get excited every September — that’s why I can’t stop writing about it. Every day is a miracle waiting to happen. I can’t believe I get to do this. Just like my student, “I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

[We] will see the goodness of God in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

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Finding a Footing

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

At the end of the last school year, as I waved goodbye to students and wished my colleagues a safe and restful summer, I was envisioning long days of reading broken up by an hour here or there with my hands in the dirt — weeding our garden, tending to our plants, and bringing in the fruits of our labor. I saw days on the beach of a great lake and others poolside with our granddaughters.

While I did manage to experience all of that, much of my summer was not what I was expecting. At all. Particularly not when, just a month ago, I was searching for an assisted living facility for my stepfather, helping my brothers move him in, being present for his rapid decline, then processing with my mom and siblings through his passing.

The flurry of activity was unanticipated and un-mooring. I’ve felt a little tossed about for several weeks, so the return to the rhythms of back-to-school prep of the past many days has been a welcome and anchoring exercise.

As I’ve been walking the hallways of our school buildings, I’ve been wondering if our students, too, have felt a little at sea. What has their summer been like — have they been working? helping out at home? have they had plenty to eat? time and space to rest? have they experienced loss? or trauma? joy? or celebration? Has their summer been what they were expecting? Are they, too, in need of the rhythms that will bring stability?

Because I’m not teaching this year, but rather supporting our teachers and students from a more global perspective, I’ve been managing tasks all summer like updating scope and sequence documents for various courses, familiarizing myself with the curricula taught in our building, creating Google classrooms for all of our teachers, updating our school’s testing plan, organizing and auditing the curriculum I created, and managing several other tasks. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve also been preparing presentations and materials for the teacher orientation that begins this week.

As I’ve been checking all these boxes, I’ve needed some support (and grace) from my supervisors to reconnect with the world of school, to remind me what each of the pieces are exactly, to steady me as I find my way back to the vernacular of academics — to norms and standards, to unit plans and instructional strategies, to engagement and discourse.

I’m guessing that our teachers and students are going to need support (and grace), too. Certainly their summers have been far from the academic realm — less structured or predictable. Sure, some of them have punched a clock or had regular eating and sleeping habits, but many will have had no routine at all. Surely few, if any of them, will have sat in a desk, attended to a slide deck, navigated to a Google classroom, or submitted a document for review.

Transitioning away from my erratic summer to more routine work has not been easy nor has my body been quick to adapt. While I’m being quite diligent in getting back to eating three meals a day at the designated times and observing my normal bedtime, my body is still on high alert after weeks of urgent phone calls, last minute trips, and unexpected decisions. My digestive tract is suffering from role confusion, and my sleep patterns remain inconsistent.

Perhaps the bodies of my students and teachers, too, will be a bit out-of-kilter. Perhaps they will find it difficult to endure a seven hour school day, to sit upright for long stretches, to use the restroom at designated passing times, to make it from breakfast to lunch without a snack, to remember to get a drink between classes, or to stay awake for the entire day.

I’m finding a few things helpful in my regulation. First is seeing my people. As I’ve gone into our buildings over the last few weeks, I’ve reconnected with my colleagues, many of whom have offered hugs both of “I’ve missed you” and “I’m sorry for your loss.” We’ve shared stories and laughter as we’ve navigated our tasks.

I’ve found stability in the familiar — the drive, the building, and the faces.

I’ve found comfort in the physical — walking into my office, arranging my supplies, moving books, and touring classrooms.

I’ve found security in doing what I know how to do — creating a document, sending an email, meeting a deadline, planning a presentation.

I’m thinking about how I can use my experience of re-entry, my realization of what I’ve needed to re-acclimate, to support my teachers and students as they move from what also may have been erratic to what is more routine.

We already engineer the first week to be less about curriculum and more about connection. We are a trauma-informed organization, after all, and we know that Maslow comes before Bloom. We have a system of delivering school-wide norms and expectations, and we support teachers in integrating warm-ups, games, and getting-to-know-you activities. The first week is all about learning names and building community. It’s an opportunity for our students to get a literal or metaphorical hug– to reconnect with their teachers and classmates.It’s a time to situate themselves inside of the familiar — not only the building and its classrooms but the bell schedule, the movement patterns, the physicality of being in the space, and the kind of routine assignments that warm up muscles and build confidence.

How can I normalize the weirdness of it all — how our bodies and minds take time to adapt, how we may feel irritated, foggy-headed, tired, and out-of-sorts? The best way I know is to name it — call it out — talk about it.

Our teachers and our students may need the leaders in the building to acknowledge the heavy lift of transition — of moving from the summer-realm to the world of school. These worlds are not the same, and the move can be jarring. For me, back to school has always been a comfort — school is a place where I know how to be, what to do, and how to succeed — but it’s not like that for everyone. For some, school is an increase in stress, a place of conflict, a world of insecurity.

So, in my new role, I think one thing I can be is present — observing what is happening for teachers and for students, being willing to acknowledge that what they are experiencing is real. Of course you’re tired! Coming back to school takes a lot of effort! Yes, this is a lot of information to take it all at once, and our summer brains are not used to it.

I can also offer compassion. I get it! My body is still adjusting to the school day, too! I can cover your class while you run to the restroom. How can I support you in getting your documents completed on time? Would you like to tell me about what you are experiencing?

That’s the benefit of my role — I’ve got a head start on my teachers and my students. I have had a preview of what they might experience in the coming weeks. Now that I am feeling a little more stable, I can lend some of that to them as they transition. I can be a reminder that they will soon be settled in as well.

That, and I can make sure that my snack drawer is full, because I can bet that soon I will be hearing both teachers and students say, “Mrs. Rathje, you got anything to eat?”

I’ll be ready for them; I’m getting closer each day.

put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12

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It’s complicated

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

The seemingly unintelligle words of hospice — one month, a few days, 48 hours, probably today — all started making sense and then were undeniable. My stepfather took his last breath in the early morning hours last Saturday. In the days that followed, we gathered, made arrangements, gathered again, handled details, cared for our mom, and came to terms with the fact that my stepfather, Roger, is no longer here.

We’re still working on that last part, of course, and for me, the essence of our relationship makes it little complex.

While many found him charming, Roger and I had what was often a prickly relationship. We didn’t agree on hardly anything — politics, the setting on the thermostat, the way to wash dishes, vacuum a floor, wipe off a table, or do just about anything. I found him to be demanding, opinionated, and critical. I often felt great irritation toward him over our 50-year relationship, probably because I always felt that he usurped the position that should’ve been held by my father who I have long-adored and often idolized, likely because he and I haven’t had many opportunities to interact on politics, the thermostat, or dishwashing.

Because of this complicated relationship with Roger, it came as a great surprise to me when I found myself feeling tenderness, compassion, and love for this man as he declined, as he lost his agency, as he forgot where he was, as he was unable to breathe, as he was confined to bed — a man who rarely sat still, who worked and golfed and bowled and rode a motorcycle halfway across the country. I was stunned to watch my heart shift from irritation to caring, advocating for, and comforting this man who has been an annoyance in my life for most of my life.

When my mom married Roger, she had four kids aged 8-14. He had two kids aged 8 and 10. Together there were three boys and three girls — just like the Brady Bunch, which was in vogue at the time. For a few years, the eight of us took vacations together and hung out together, but as we turned into teens and then adults, we were rarely together. In fact, my three birth siblings and I have only managed to all be together on a dozen or so occcasions in the last 30 years, and the six of us “kids” hand’t been together in the same room for close to 40 years before we all gathered on a Monday night for pizza a year ago.

Who knows how this happens — people are busy with their own lives, and if one person doesn’t act with intention, folks never come together. But last year we did, and then, miraculously, Roger took his turn for the worst just as we were scheduled to all be in the same state again this past month.

We all worked together — getting him moved in to assisted living, taking phone calls, running errands, and sitting by his bedside. We took shifts. His daughter, who claimed the overnights, fell asleep holdng his hand that last night, saying, “Good night, Dad. I love you” and reading him the 23rd Psalm.

We crammed in a small room at the funeral home — writing an obituary, picking out flowers, deciding on printed materials, then shared a meal with our mom, who kept saying, “I can’t believe this is happening.”

And then, on Wednesday, we all rolled in — the six kids, and our kids, and even some of their kids. Because of the nature of this complex family, some cousins met each other for the first time. Some nieces and nephews met their aunts and uncles for the first time.

Families can be like this, can’t they? Frustrations can lead to fractures and before you know it, you’re meeting your brother’s kids for the first time, marveling at their kids, and watching your own kids (and nieces) interact with their new-found family with curiosity and grace.

I probably won’t ever understand the complexity of Roger — why he was the way he was — but I can celebrate the fact that despite my irritation with him, he remained invested. He cared for my mom to the end (even if that in itself was complicated) and he cared for all of us in his own way, too.

Mom and Roger married when I was 10, and maybe because of “ew — cooties” or that previously mentioned loyalty to my dad, I rarely let Roger touch me — not a hug or a pat on the back, let alone a kiss on the cheek. So imagine my surprise when near the end, I found my hands on his waist steadying him, or when I agreed to scrub his back when he couldn’t shower himself, or when he grasped my hand to say goodbye, or when I kissed his head to reassure him when he was afraid.

We don’t know the love we have inside of us that is sometimes buried under hurt or anger or a little girl’s longing for her actual dad, but it is there, and it surfaces when it matters — when you need to sit beside a hospital bed, empty a urostomy bag, or say “I’m sorry this is what’s happening right now. I know you want it to be different.”

It doesn’t mean I don’t love my dad or that you could ever take his place. It means that I saw you show up and hang in there, even when I found you to be annoying, critical, demanding, and cootie-infested.

It’s complicated, that’s true. Much of life is.

Rest well, Roger, I’m pretty sure it was complicated for you, too.

Love one another. John 13:34

Rapidly-shifting Reality

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Three weeks ago, I made a phone call. Just a simple call.

My stepfather had just returned home from the hospital again — I’ve lost track of how many times he’s been in and out in the past year or so — and this time he was prescribed 2L of oxygen to be worn 24 hours a day. He has COPD, among other health issues, and he’s been on a slow decline for a few years. When he came home with the portable oxygen tank, the nurse from the home health agency who had been doing weekly visits on my parents for the past many months, just happened to be at the house accompanied by her clinical director who planned to evaluate the need for more services. She saw my stepfather enter the house, assisted by my brother, and rewrote the script in her head.

She’d been planning to offer palliative care services to support him through this ongoing and prolonged illness, but when she saw how difficult it was for him to just enter the house, she suggested to my mother that perhaps it would be wise to enlist the help of Hospice. “It’s different now,” she said. “Hospice isn’t just for end of life; it can provide prolonged in-home care so that your husband doesn’t have to travel to the doctor or hospital any more. We can manage his care right here.”

My mom called me, told me what was going on, and I asked, “what do you think?” She admitted she could no longer do it alone, which my siblings and I had been suggesting for months. “Well,” I said, “it might be nice to have someone coming to the house regularly that can help us make decisions when it’s time to make other changes. Would you like me to call them?”

“I think so. She said so much. Maybe you can hear the details yourself.”

So, I made the call.

Hospice would be covered 100% by medicare. They would adjust their visits as needed. They would handle all medications and would assist us in the transition if the time came for my stepfather to move to a facility.

I called my brother, who has been the point man through our whole journey, and he agreed that I should set up an appointment.

Hospice came to the house the next day. We signed my stepfather up, and the visits began — a nurse, an aide, a social worker. The door on the house was continually opening, and my mother was overwhelmed.

The following Monday, I sat down at my desk to complete some tasks for work and texted my siblings. “Hey guys, hospice is up and running. I won’t be able to come this week or next to help out, but I will be available by phone.”

I opened some documents, started working, and then spoke to my husband, “I think I’ve gotta go up there.” No one had called. Nothing had changed, I just felt myself pulled to my suitcase and mentally moving toward my vehicle. I called my mom, “How about I bring you guys dinner and stay til tomorrow afternoon? I can just provide you with a little support.”

“I hate to have you drive all the way up here, but that would be great.”

By early afternoon I was on my way.

I brought dinner. We ate. I got them both their meds, did the dishes, and made sure they were all set for the night before heading to the guest room.

Around 4am I heard yelling. I ran to my stepfather. He’d had trouble standing to go to the bathroom and was having some respiratory distress. I administered his new emergency med regimen, then helped him stand. He stood right there by his chair for several minutes so he could catch his breath, and then slowly, so slowly, used his walker to get to the bathroom. It took us 20 minutes to travel 20 feet. Once there, he was unsteady — teetering. I had to use my body weight to brace him so he wouldn’t topple into the bathtub. He did what he came to do, then we stood there for a moment, so he could steady his breathing before the trip back to his recliner.

It had been an emotional event for both of us, and neither of us got any more sleep.

The hospice nurse came that morning. My brother, mother, stepfather, and I spoke with her about what options we had. If I hadn’t been there for the incident the night before, what would our 100 pound mother have done? The nurse suggested she send over the social worker that afternoon to walk us through some options. Also, since my stepfather was having difficulty standing up from his chair, she recommended we purchase a lift chair.

That afternoon, the social worker came and talked my brother, my mother, my stepfather, and I through our options. We could keep him at home and hire additional home health aides (we were already paying for eight hours of assistance a week), or we could move him to adult foster care, a nursing home, or an assisted living facility. But before we made any decisions, we needed, she said, to meet with a lawyer who specializes in elder law. Any of these options would be quite expensive and we should have guidance on how to protect our parents’ assets before we acted.

We had a plan of action, so my brother ran a mile down the road to our small hometown’s furniture store to purchase a lift chair. While he and my other brother arranged to bring it home, I ran to the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions. We met back at the house, brought in the chair, and while all of us were rearranging furniture and tidying up the space, my stepfather attempted to move from his walker to sit into his new chair. Up until recently he had been independently getting in and out of his chair without difficulty, so none of us thought to stand near him, and down he went. We all rushed to see that he was ok, my brothers lifted him back to his feet and got him in the chair, and we all looked our new reality right in the face.

That reality would start changing day by day.

The next morning, the hospice nurse stopped by the house to assess any damage from my stepfather’s fall. We’d been up again in the night — for breathing issues, for trips to the the bathroom, for confusion. She examined him, found the cut on his arm from where he’d hit the coffee table and a large bruise on his backside from the point of impact. She assessed his breathing and other vitals then met my mother, sister-in-law and I in the kitchen.

She used words we hadn’t heard before rapid decline…24-hour assistance… and about one month. We tried to comprehend this adjustment to our new reality.

And the scramble began — some siblings investigating elder lawyers, the social worker and I investigating facilities. Phone call after phone call, text message after text message. Eventually a couple tours. Finally an open bed. Then digesting the cost, then agreeing to the terms. All the while, on-going conversations with my mother and stepfather about what is happening and why…over and over and over.

Four days after I had decided that I was too busy to go up to my parents and then pivoted on that decision and went anyway, we were loading my stepfather, his clothes, his walker, and his newly acquired lift chair into our vehicles and transporting him to his new residence.

He didn’t love it, but we couldn’t see another way.

That was two weeks ago.

Hospice has continued to use incomprehensible words…rapid decline, days, family should come.

Family has come. Someone is beside him now.

It won’t be long.

That’s a reality.

From his fullness, we have all received grace upon grace. John 1:16

Rested and Ready for a new Rhythm

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

I wrapped up school year 2024-2025 –watched another group of seniors cross the stage into adulthood, entered final grades, and cleaned up my classroom.

Next, I joined my husband in clearing the clutter in our home.

Then we left town for two short treks — one to play with our granddaughters in Ohio and another to lie on the beach of Lake Huron. We crossed the miles listening to podcasts and chatting about everything from family to politics to music to our future. With our grand girls we lazed in the pool, played Uno and Skip-Bo, and were entertained by intricately choreographed dances. Near the beach, we ate well, slept long, took leisurely walks, and lost track of time.

They were luxurious and welcome — these two little trips back to back — and now we are re-entering real life. Since we’ve returned home we’ve been in the business of unpacking, doing laundry, tending to yard work, and taking stock of the new rhythms we are noticing since a) my husband transitioned from an almost four-decade-long career in church work to a private counseling practice and as b) I am making the shift from classroom teacher to full-time instructional coordinator. Some of the work each of us does in our new roles is similar to what we have done in the past, however, the routines and workloads are quite different. While he has been adapting to his new rhythm for over eighteen months, my real shift begins this week as I embrace the responsibilities of my new role.

How will it be the same? How will it be different?

What won’t change is my morning commute — I will still drive 30 minutes east from Ypsilanti to the edge of Detroit. I will park my car in the same spot, work with many of the same colleagues and students, and follow the same daily bell schedule and school year calendar. I will also continue to serve on our school’s leadership team, meeting at least weekly to plan initiatives and events, troubleshoot current issues, and collaborate toward best practices for our building.

However, many things will change — I will no longer have my own classroom. I will no longer have my own students or a grade book or lesson plans or the responsibility for all that happens inside a teacher’s classroom through the course of the day — behavior management, attendance, organizing materials, and managing the constant flow of information.

I will have plenty of new responsibilities on my plate. In addition to coaching the instructional moves of a handful of teachers like I did last year, I will also be partnering with those teachers to unpack curriculum, analyze assessments, and plan instruction. Further, I will be our building’s testing coordinator, responsible for all things PSAT/SAT, ACT Workkeys, and MSTEP.

All of this, of course, is in the interest of our students. I came to this position because I recognize the systemic inequities in American education that have benefitted some students (mostly white and affluent) and have disadvantaged others (mostly low-income and/or students of color). I wanted to lend my years of experience and expertise in service of closing the gap that continues to widen; I wanted to provide a high level of instruction and rigor for students who have, through no fault of their own, fallen multiple grade levels behind their peers who live sometimes just a few miles away.Over the past five years, I feel I have had limited success. I have, within my classroom, provided glimpses of rigor, moments of engagement, and small gains for individual students.

However, individual teachers in isolation cannot overcome centuries — literal centuries! — of harm. They do make a difference, of course, but for the sweeping change that is needed, we need a broader — a more systemic — solution.

I joined the team at my school in August of 2020. Covid had sent all of our students home the previous March, and because of the disproportionate impact on low income communities of color, particularly Detroit, our district provided instruction virtually for the entire 2020-2021 school year. The administrative team was making it up as they went along, and I — a teacher returning to the high school classroom after a six year hiatus — was enthusiastic about giving it my best. I popped into Zoom rooms, chatting with any students who would talk to me, leading lessons, and providing office hours every afternoon. We didn’t close any systemic gaps that year; we merely did what we could to slow the ever-widening distance between our students’ academic progress and that of those in neighboring districts.

The following year (2021-2022) , fully masked, we returned to in-person learning, bouncing back to virtual instruction several times throughout the year. It actually took us that year and the next (2022-2023) to re-establish routines within the building. We were on pretty solid footing as we started school year 2023-2024, but some mid-year leadership changes kept us from moving too far forward.

The standardized test scores told the story — about a tenth of our students were proficient in English Language Arts and none — 0% — were proficient in math. Our staff took in those realities as our newly appointed principal delivered them before the return of students in the fall of 2024. She gave us the hard truth and then cast a vision for us — we, the staff and our students, would activate excellence. We could no longer allow this to be the reality for the students in our building — things were going to change.

And, over the year I did see evidence of shift — in attitude, in practice, in thinking. However in order to overcome systemic inequities of the proportions that I have witnessed, we need a reimagining of what school likes like in our context. The principal sets the tone, and she has. The leadership team has come alongside our principal, supporting her vision, agreeing with the need, and implementing strategies. Staff members have also caught the vision, to a degree, but the kind of transformation that is needed is going to take the whole team — every teacher, every paraprofessional, every custodian, every social worker — to activate excellence, consistently and continuously, day in and day out.

Certainly in my own classroom, I have strived to provide excellent instruction, to have high expectations, and to inspire my students toward greatness, but I will admit that my efforts have sometimes been inconsistent. I have grown tired, and I have from time to time been merely mediocre. However, as I step into this role, I have been given an opportunity to activate excellence beyond my classroom — taking care to do my very best with the responsibilities I have been given, and to bring other staff members along with me.

I will push my team of teachers — some of whom are experienced, some who are brand new — toward excellence. Together, we will grow this year, beginning by building relationships, but then quickly moving into strategies, into accountability, into doing whatever it takes to activate excellence for our students — to give them the tools they need to move forward into their futures.

It’s a big job, but I’m rested, I have the vision, and I’ve been equipped. May God grant me the strength to persevere, the compassion to both see and inspire my team, and the heart to sustain my insufferable belief in restoration.

He is faithful, and He will do it. I Thessalonians 5:24

Clearing the Clutter

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment
Click to listen. Sources and resources linked in text.

My husband and I just completed the minimalist challenge. For the month of June, each of us found items around the house that we were willing to toss, donate, or sell — one item on the first, two items on the second, three items on the third, and so on. (The last time I did this — in 2014 — is chronicled here in my blog, starting with this post.) As we’ve been purging — through our clothes, our kitchen, our books, our garage, and our storage — our kids, our friends, and our siblings have said, “How? You guys are already minimalists!”

And it’s true! We moved halfway across the country twice — paring our possessions each time — and we are pretty committed to hanging on to only what we use, but still we were able to find [over] 465 items each. No, we didn’t count sheets of paper or even individual pens and pencils, but we did count individual books, unused kitchen utensils, extra T-shirts, pairs of shoes, decades old journals, dusty trophies, and extra picture frames. The first 10 days we hardly had to move beyond our bedroom closets to find items we were no longer using!

So what inspired us to do this now? It’s a good question that could probably be answered by looking back at our experiences over the last year or so.

Maybe it began when we started spending more time with our aging parents. As their health declines, we’ve heard them say over and over, “What is going to happen to all this stuff?” We look around the room, around the house, around the garage, and we wonder the same thing — what indeed will happen to it? Last summer, I was staying with my mother while my stepfather was in the hospital, and I posted two treadmills that hadn’t been used in decades on a Facebook free group . Within a day someone had come to get them, and I registered the relief on my mother’s face — she was so glad to be rid of them! A few months ago, as we made room for a hospital bed, we found a new home for a large desk. Again, my mother said, “I’m so glad someone else could use it!”

While I have been with my mother seeing all her “stuff”, my husband, in the aftermath of his mother’s passing, has been sorting through all of her stuff. He’s touched countless items that had accumulated in 88 years of life and has often come back to our place with treasure or two but also with an intent desire to eliminate excess — to rid ourselves of anything that we do not need.

After all, extraneous stuff leads to clutter that can prevent us from seeing the things that are important to us.

This “stuff processing” has been happening against a political backdrop that is itself cluttered with a different shocking headline seemingly every day. It can be hard to sift through all the noise to find the issues — particularly the ones that seem meaningful to us. From the recent bombing of Iran and the role of the US in Gaza and the Ukraine, to the pending legislation that threatens to cut Medicaid, raise the debt limit by $5 Trillion, and increase the budget deficit by 2.4 trillion all while providing tax cuts to the wealthy (5 Calls), we find ourselves wanting to register our protest, and one way that we are able to do that is by considering where we want to spend our money and what we want to spend it on. What do we need? What companies do we want to use to meet those needs? What do we want our money to support?

We have been re-evaluating almost every expenditure, and it turns out that when you take a step back and look carefully at your life, you truly don’t need much.

Living in America has taught us otherwise, hasn’t it? We are barraged with ads from morning to night showing us “stuff” that we “need” that we can purchase with a single click. We don’t even have to leave our homes — a package will arrive sometimes the very same day! Wouldn’t our lives be just a little bit better with that new outfit, better shoes, handy tool, or sweet technology?

Purchasing is so easy that we don’t often consider the cost — to our bank accounts (a mere $20 once a day adds up to $600 a month) or to the environment (A report by Oceana estimates that Amazon alone created 208 million pounds of packaging waste in 2022.) Further, we don’t often look at who is profiting — is the handy new travel bag I’m considering made in the US? in China? What are the workers being paid? Who is getting the majority of the money I am spending? What are the other impacts of this purchase? What materials were used? Do the materials hurt me or the environment?

Each purchase, though easy to make, can have complex meaning, if we are willing to take the time to consider it. And I guess that is what we have been doing — considering each possession, each purchase. We want to be careful that our lives don’t become so cluttered that we fail to see what is important.

Each of us, in sorting through our stuff will deem different items to be of value.

What does it say about me that I still (after eliminating over 900 items from our house) have a few dozen writing implements on my desk, a stack of empty notebooks waiting to be written in, and more greeting cards than I could ever possibly send?

Why did I choose to hold on to those things and not the journals I have written in for more than thirty years? Why did I feel ok about letting go of crystal that we got for our wedding but not a jar of paper clips? Why did I keep baby blankets that haven’t been used over 25 years but toss plastic mixing bowls that I used last month?

It’s interesting to see what matters when you start combing through the stuff.

This latest round has trimmed away some excess, but I feel there is more that needs to go — but what leaves next likely won’t be possessions, those are fairly easy to eliminate. No, next might be attitudes and judgments, habits and pastimes.

It’ll be easier to see what needs to go next now that we have cleared some of the clutter.

Let us lay aside every encumbrance…and run with perseverance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1-2

“Money” Moments

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Eight days. That’s it. Eight more days with this group of seniors, and then, I might possibly be done with my years as a classroom teacher.

I’ve known this was coming. Last summer I took the role of Instructional Coach at the same school where I’ve been teaching since 2020. I interviewed, accepted the position, and came to terms with the fact that I would not be in the ELA classroom even for school year 2024-2025. But, things being as they are in the world of education where teachers are hard to come by, my replacement was not found. So, a long-term substitute took three sections from my previous load, and we crammed all the seniors into the two classes that I would cover.

It was my idea. I’ve been teaching senior English on and off since the fall of 2005, and angsty as they are, these are my people. They are wrestling to find their path from childhood to the world of adults, and that path (let me assure you) is quite circuitous. One day they are presenting their goals for their future via slideshow from the front of the room, the next day I stop them from throwing paper wads at each other. One day they applaud a peer who got accepted into college, the next day I’m having a conversation with them about how we don’t always have to announce when we smell someone’s body odor or flatulence. One might stop by to explain that they’ve been absent because they’ve been “going through it” and another might blurt out “you got any snacks?” in the middle of a lesson.

Yes, they get under my skin. Yes, they do indeed at times offend my sense of smell. Yes, they do give me a challenge every day of my working life, but these students, year after year after year, these seniors, have helped me to learn, to grow, to evolve.

One of this year’s seniors interviewed me this week for an article he’s writing for another class. His questions showed me that he sees me: “Mrs. Rathje, why do you take so many steps each day?” They showed me that he wants to make a connection: “What made you want to be a teacher?” And they showed me that he wants to gauge my commitment to him and our community: “Do you like teaching here?” That conversation gave us an opportunity — to sit one-on-one, knee-to-knee — to see each other not as teacher and student, but as two humans who are sharing the same space for a small season of time.

That is the money of teaching, friends — those intermittent interchanges that happen when you least expect them. These moments are what I treasure most from all my years in the classroom.

All year, I have navigated two roles — instructional coach in the AM, ELA teacher in the PM — and since I’ve known it was a transition year, I have tried to see ways that I can experience these same kinds of moments with the teachers that I coach. Most of the time our relationship looks like me observing a class then meeting with the teacher afterward to provide feedback — data and my observation of moves that were impactful and less impactful. Many of the teachers in our building lack experience, training, or certification, and my role is to facilitate their transition to being more experienced, more skilled, more effective. This path, too, can be circuitous. Teaching is hard work — all day long our teachers lead classrooms full of students at various levels of skill and engagement with the task of capturing the attention of 100% and providing them with high-level instruction, all while following our school’s instructional model and managing multiple interruptions.

One day I observe a teacher greeting his students at the door, providing them directions as they enter, and ensuring that all students are engaged in the day’s learning. Three days later, I notice that same teacher hasn’t replied to my email, is late to a meeting, or didn’t notice the student sitting in his room who was supposed to be in a different class.

Just like with my seniors, I am not looking for perfection; I am looking for growth.

I must confess this is hard for me. Any student I’ve ever had will tell you that my expectations are high, and if they are high for students, they are exponentially more so for the teachers of those students. I didn’t come out of a medically imposed leave from teaching to do a substandard job for students. No. I returned to the classroom in the middle of Covid because of the vast inequities in America’s school system. I came back to push the bar higher for students who have been historically underserved, under-challenged, and undereducated. I am not trying to enable low expectations for either my students or their teachers.

Yet…

Yet, I have learned from a couple decades worth of students (not to mention my own children), that folks don’t want to meet your expectations unless they know that you love and accept them for who they are. If I don’t love and accept you when you are late to class, smell of weed, and don’t know what unit we are on, what are the chances that you’ll be able to hear my expectations let alone take a swing at them. If I don’t hug you in the hallway, why should you listen to me when I approach you at your desk. If I can’t hear your request to use the bathroom or get a drink of water, how will you hear me give you feedback on a paper.

Over the years, it’s gotten easier for me to love a kid, even when they are disruptive, even when they are failing, even when they skip my class. I used to be very judgmental, but I’ve learned that judgment pushes kids away; love draws them closer.

I was tempted to judge one of my teachers recently. I was walking to my classroom one morning when I noticed a group of students standing outside a classroom instead of going in. “What’s going on here?” I asked, “why aren’t you all going in?” The students replied that the principal was inside speaking with the teacher. They intimated that the teacher was “getting in trouble” for something. I was curious, but instead of getting more information, I moved the students to my classroom to give the teacher and the principal room to speak. For all I knew, the conversation was of a personal and unrelated nature, and it was none of my or the students’ business.

However, later, when the teacher wanted to speak with me, I found out that they had been reprimanded. They had made a poor choice in the heat of the moment and things had escalated into the realm of unprofessionalism. We were sitting one-on-one, knee to knee, and this teacher was expressing regret and shame and the desire to undo what had been done. And in that moment I knew what to do. Years of parenting and teaching missteps had taught me that what this teacher needed was not judgment, but love. So I gave it. I heard the confession and acknowledged the regret, “Oh, wow. Yeah. That’s unfortunate.” I affirmed the teacher’s record, “This is not your typical m.o. I’ve seen you many times manage similar situations with finesse.” I heard their concern about the impact of this action on their relationship with the principal, “I see what you mean, yet I believe our principal to be fair, and I know she values opportunities to restore.” I encouraged the teacher to give the situation some space and then to circle back to the principal for a follow-up conversation. I finished with, “This moment does not define you; it’s unfortunate, but it’s over. You’ll get past it.”

In that moment, I saw it. I was going to miss my classroom for sure, but I wasn’t going to miss the money moments. They might be fewer and further in between, but I would still get opportunities to experience rich human to human interactions with the teachers I would be coaching. Even better, I might be showing them the impact of such conversations in a way that could inspire them to seek opportunities to engage similarly with their own students.

I am certainly going to miss my classroom, but here’s to loving my new students.

For of his fullness, we have all received grace upon grace. John 1: 16

Here’s the thing(s)…

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

*A quick note, sources and resources are linked in the text.

I’ve been kind of quiet in this space lately. It’s May, and I’ve only posted six times so far this year. For a girl who posted almost daily when this blog began, six times in four months is virtually silent.

But here’s the thing….

Just kidding…there isn’t one thing that is keeping me from putting words on the page (or rather the screen)…it’s more like a steady stream of things that seem to keep coming at me (at you?) in such a way that I can’t really focus. I can’t keep my eyes on one thing for long enough to form a thought, let alone an opinion.

At work, I’m down to just a few weeks with my seniors, and their excitement/ambivalence/annoyance would be a lot to process and respond to on its own, but we’ve also had Family Conferences and Decision Day. Each of these events takes a team effort to prepare for and execute. (You know the drill — communications, set up, station assignments, and the running of the actual event, and although neither is my responsibility, I am a member of the team.) I also have had the responsibility this year to recognize students of the month (one for each teacher in the building) and honor roll recipients. This entails identifying honorees, pulling them from class for a photo, and sending those photos to someone — preferably not myself — to have them loaded into a Canva document before they are printed out and posted in the hallways. In addition to all of this “normal” school activity, the authorizer of our school charter is visiting us this week for an educational program review that we learned about just several weeks ago. Such a visit, like school accreditation, requires the submission of countless artifacts such as lesson plans, IEPs, coaching trackers, professional development documents, etc. I was part of a team that pulled all those together and submitted them electronically. This past week leadership and staff met to prepare for the visit that will be spread over three days — all while school is in session, you know, the actual teaching and learning part. Spring is always busy at school, but this year is exceptionally so.

At home, things are a bit more relaxed –we have no major repairs pending, and we’re happily in the midst of installing our garden — but if home life includes extended family, then I have to disclose that my mother and stepfather have had some pretty difficult challenges for all of 2025 that just right now seem to be stabilizing if you don’t mention the fact that at least one of them is recently ready to start exploring assisted living facilities, which takes the coordination of six adult children to do lots of fact finding. I would also be remiss if I did not mention that my dear Aunt Margaret, after many years of relative health, has taken a sudden and recent decline.

All of this is, of course within the realm of “normal” adult life. You have also had busy seasons at work and at home — they come and they go — and although they are at times taxing to navigate, we somehow make it through to the other side in time for the next wave of whatever it is that is coming.

But these are not the things that are blurring my focus. No, they take time, of course, and energy, but they are manageable. I think what has me off balance may have many of us off balance — the continuous stream of government actions that may or may not impact us directly, but nevertheless are jarring to the brain and that lead us, at least me, to at times retreat, to dissociate, to not want to process or deal with any of it.

In 2018, presidential strategist Stephen K. Bannon bragged about that administration’s strategy to “flood the zone” with initiatives. The idea was to roll out a constant flow of orders and directives to throw “the opposition” (you know, other Americans) off balance so that they could not respond (Source). Since that administration regained the presidential office this past January, this strategy is being used again, only to the nth degree.

In the first 100 days of this administration (in just under four months) we have been overwhelmed by actions such as: the pardoning of those who invaded the US capitol on January 6, 2020; the freezing of funds for cancer research, Meals on Wheels, and disaster relief; the implementation of tariffs on every country in the world, the pause in tariffs, the subsequent roll-back of said tariffs, and currently, the exponentially high tariffs on China (which will certainly impact most of us); the firing of countless federal employees followed by the attempt to rehire some of them; the withholding of funds to public universities who refuse to comply with the administration’s agenda; the deportation of countless immigrants, some whom are legal residents, with some being sent to foreign prisons; the continuing and hard to follow involvement in the ongoing conflicts in Israel/Gaza and Russia/Ukraine; the president’s attendance at the funeral of the Pope followed by his posting of an image of himself dressed as the pope on social media; and this is just scratching the surface (Source). You might be shouting at me right now, “what about the…[fill in the blank].”

Frankly, I’ve got to look at what is happening on the national scene through a peep hole with one eye covered. I can’t look at it in full — and that’s exactly the idea. This administration is using the everything, everywhere, all at once strategy to keep us all in this state of slack-jawed disbelief.

And that is where I find myself, only I’ve moved from stunned to numb. I feel detached from reality, not wanting to engage because I can’t keep up. But that is what this administration has said it wants — to “flood the zone” so that we become overwhelmed.

But here’s the thing — the actual thing — we can’t do that.

We can walk away. We can take breaks. We can sit for two hours after a long day and work on a 1000-piece puzzle depicting van Gogh’s “Irises”, or take a walk through the park plucking lilac sprigs, inhaling their beauty on a glorious spring day, or lose track of time choosing the latest fiction from the library shelves, or binge-watch “The Four Seasons” on Netflix, but then we’ve got to re-engage.

We’ve got to notice the actions that are being proposed — such as cuts to education, to PBS, to NPR!! — we’ve got to let our voices be heard — through letter writing, phone calling, boycotting or participating in peaceful protests. What we tolerate, what we look away from, what we allow — these are the things we accept.

And, overwhelmed though I might be, I cannot accept funding cuts to public education — not when I see the inequities that already exist. I cannot accept the devaluing of other humans — not immigrants, not members of the LGBTQ+ community, not minorities, not women, not anyone. I cannot accept that as the profits of billionaires increase their taxes are not commensurate, especially not at the expense of the poor. I cannot accept a disregard for the fragility of the environment — when we know better we have to do better.

We are indeed looking at a flood of issues, and each of us also has our own life to manage. None of us can stop a flood alone, but we can each do our part — we can warn the others, we can grab a bucket and start bailing, we can plug a hole, we can help those who are drowning.

Together we can weather a flood.

Beloved, let us love one another. 1 John 4:7

Educational Break

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

On Thursday afternoon, I tidied my classroom, finalized some grades, and walked away from school and toward my Spring Break. The mere thought of not having to set an alarm for 10 days would’ve put a pep in my step if I’d had any pep left at all, but I did not.

All teachers are exhausted by this time in the year. Even though we had Christmas break, even though we might’ve had a long weekend or even a full week off in February, we’ve been, since September, coordinating learning for our students, planning multiple presentations each day, keeping records, reporting to our supervisors, and (and this is the most draining part) making countless in-the-moment decisions:

What is the first thing I need to do when I walk in the door?

Do I have an extra stapler, know where more chart paper is, and can I laminate another hall pass for Room 117?

No, you can’t go to my classroom unattended; yes, I can get you a bandaid; no I don’t know where Mr. Smith is,

You can’t go to the bathroom right now, but ask me again in 10 minutes.

Yes, you can take that pencil, borrow that book, eat that snack.

You sit over here; you stay there.

Yes, your topic sentence is solid, but no, that is not an adequate example.

You’ve used AI here, and you must re-do the assignment.

You’ve used AI here, and you cannot re-do the assignment.

Yes, you can turn it in late. No, the deadline has passed.

Yes, you can work with a partner. No, you can’t get the answers from a peer.

This is non-stop all day long, but teachers, while keeping this decision-making machine running, must also, intervene in interpersonal conflicts, address misbehavior, meet demands for mandatory documentation, and, oh yeah, provide high quality instruction.

And most of us are happy to do all of this. We see each piece as necessary for supporting human development, for preparing the next generation of humans for meaningful life in our society. We’re teaching our students to co-exist with one another, to manage themselves, to hold themselves accountable, to read, to write, to identify a career, and to begin to take steps toward attaining that career. We’re in this work because we like kids but also because we believe in the power of education to create possibility for students of all backgrounds and abilities and to create a better future for all of us.

In the school where I work — a small charter school on the edge of Detroit, where 99% of my students are Black, where 100% of the students qualify for free breakfast and lunch, where almost all of the students are below the national average in reading and math scores by no fault of their own but because of centuries-long inequity in education–the teachers, like me, believe in the transformative power of education. We see it as an opportunity to not only change lives but to save lives.

In addition to the exhausting work that teaching is in any context, teachers in buildings like mine have the added weight of wondering if our kids have enough to eat, if they have a home to sleep in, if their home is safe, if they will have what they need for the next 10 days, or if they will be alone, hungry, cold, or in danger. Our students have the same needs as any students in the country, but they have additional needs as a result of poverty that stems from systemic inequities that go back through the history of our nation — school segregation, red-lining in real estate, unconscious bias in hiring practices, and other elements of historical and current systemic racism.

So, you might imagine how I am feeling, heading into a much-needed break while simultaneously worrying about my students’ welfare, to learn that the president of this country has ordered the Director of the Department of Education to dismantle it.

You may say, “Settle down, Kristin, most funding for education comes from the state.”

That is true, most money for education comes from the state — but do you know what does come from the federal government? Funds that make a difference for students like mine. For example, Title I, which provides $18 million to low-income districts. It’s not enough to make up for the economic disparity between neighboring districts, but it’s a start. The Department of Education also provides IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) funds to the tune of $15 billion to help districts provide additional resources to students with learning disabilities, cognitive impairments, and other diagnoses such as autism. Source.

Furthermore, the US Department of Education manages Federal Student Aid for post-secondary education, providing over $120 billion annually in grants, loans, and work study that allows students like mine to dream of a career. And not just students like mine — I myself relied on federal money to get my degrees, didn’t you? Source

Can you imagine what might happen in communities across the country if high school seniors no longer have access to the FAFSA? if they can no longer apply for federal dollars to fund their education through grants and/or loans? Tuition alone for Michigan State University is over $16,000 a year. Add in room and board and your talking about $35,000+. Most students need at least four years to get a basic degree. Who among us can fund $140k without the aid of at least a student loan?

Now, the State of Michigan is prepared to fund up to two years of community college and up to $5,500 per year at state universities, but states rely on the federal mechanism of the FAFSA to distribute those funds. If the DOE is dismantled, how long will it take for states to pivot to their own systems to ensure that students who need these funds get them? And, where will students borrow the balance that is not covered by state funds if they don’t have access to federal student loans?

How many students will take post-secondary education right off the table — including trade school programs that prepare our electricians, plumbers, welders, builders, and the like?

As I consider the potential outcomes of such action, the faces of my seniors are appearing in my mind — J. who wants to be a programmer, who has already completed several summers developing coding skills, L. who plans to be a nurse, K. who wants to be a truck driver, and S. who plans to become a police officer. None of these students can take one more step without the FAFSA and right this minute the Secretary of Education (who has zero experience with issues that impact schools) is busy laying off DOE employees under a directive from the president.

I am exhausted, and it’s my Spring Break, but I can’t just sit by and watch this happen.

So, I’m doing two things: First, I’m writing this post, and second I’m committing to use the app “Five Calls” to involve myself in the American process.

Here is how it works. Download the app, select the issue you are concerned about, and enter your zipcode. You will see a timeline of updates on that issue and a list of representatives from your district. One click later, you will see a page like this:

You click on the number, wait for an answer, read the script, and and click a blue button to register whether you left a voicemail or made contact, and the app sends you to the next number.

In just a few moments this morning I made three calls.

This may seem like something small — just like my boycotting may seem small and ineffectual to some –but if we truly believe that our government is of, by, and for the people, then we, the people, need to get involved. We need to do something when we see that our government is not representing all of the people — particularly when they are taking steps to further disenfranchise the most marginalized among us.

Look, you’re probably exhausted and overworked, too. You might feel like this is not worth your time, but perhaps you can take a journey back to your high school self, remember what it feels like to have a dream in front of you — of a career, a family, a whole adult life. Remember what that feels like? Don’t we want to make sure that every kid in America has an opportunity to pursue their dreams?

If you believe in the transformative power of education like I do, I urge you to make 5 calls — today, tomorrow, and until our voices are heard.

It’s a small decision you and I can make that could make a monumental difference for our kids, our country, our future.

Speak up … defend the rights of the poor and the needy. Proverbs 31:9

Re-post: For a Pair of Shoes

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

**I wrote this is Spring of 2024, and here we are in Spring of 2025. Track season started Monday, and we have a handful of kids who need running shoes. If you would like to contribute, an address is at the end of this post, or you can choose to reach out via message.

I’d been watching the girls’ basketball team all season — from the first game of their first season ever, where very few showed any evidence of having played the game before, where one girl received a “traveling” call for carrying the ball football-style while running down the court, where our players froze in place as the other team stole the ball, where the referees pulled our girls aside to teach them the rules in the middle of the game. From that game forward, I had been encouraging the girls, both on the court and in the hallways, letting them know I was seeing their progress. They were not only learning the game –the skills, the rules, and the strategies — they were also building confidence, stamina, and resiliency.

Many on the team were girls I had had the previous year in my reading intervention class. They had been freshmen– freshmen who had spent most of middle school on Covid lock-down, freshmen who had missed some social development experiences, freshmen who had very little capacity to manage challenge, difficulty, or conflict. So when I saw them during that first game, barely hitting double digits on the score board, I wondered if they would make it the whole season. Could they take the losses they would certainly face? Could they [and their coach] see this for what it was — a building year. Could these young women show up every day, practice the basic skills of basketball, and arrive at the end of the season better for it?

Only time would tell.

But here I stood at the end of the season, watching this same group of girls prepare for one of the last games. As the other team was rolling into the building, our girls were practicing an inbounding strategy while the coach called cues from the sideline. The girl with the ball slapped it loudly, and the four on the floor quickly shifted to their new positions to receive the thrown in ball. I stood on the sidelines, recording the scene on my phone, grinning with pride.

I was there to sell concessions, so I was in a little room at the corner of the gym with one eye on the game and one eye on my concession window, when I noticed that one of the players, the center, was shuffle-jogging down the court. I had noticed that she wasn’t a very fast runner earlier in the season, but I had assumed it was as fast as she could move given that she was about 5’10” and probably close to 200 pounds or that she simply didn’t have the stamina to run up and down the court for an entire game. Being the first season, the team only had about ten team members total, and typically only six or seven of them were eligible to play on any given day. Whoever showed up typically played all four quarters — that’s a lot of running for anyone, even those who are are in top physical shape.

But for some reason on this day when I noticed her shuffle jogging, my eyes moved toward the floor and I noticed that her shoes appeared to be untied. When I looked a little closer, it appeared that they were not actually untied, but in a permanently knotted state of floppiness. She could neither tie nor untie them., so the laces flopped as she ran, and the shoes, a pair of high tops that appeared to have seen some days on and off the court, seemed to be of little support in her efforts to improve her pace.

Is this the pair of shoes she’s been wearing all season? Why didn’t I notice this before?

Now look, every day at my school I see need. I see students who need food, who need new clothing, who need a haircut, personal hygiene supplies, pens, pencils, or even a water bottle, but this pair of shoes got to me.

This girl, who against all odds shows up for school every day, goes to basketball practice every day, has a C average, and dares to put herself in front of an audience of classmates, teachers, and parents, has been doing so inside sneaker head culture where the shoes on your feet can be linked to your status, your belongingness, or your ridicule. (It would take another whole post to examine the complexity of sneaker head culture within the context of high poverty neighborhoods, so let me just say that yes, a student may have brand new Jordans and still experience housing insecurity or food insecurity. It is what it is.)

This girl, despite her classmates’ comments and/or ridicule, has enough grit and determination to continue to show up on the court in these beat up kicks for the entirety of the season. That should tell you something about her.

So, I’m standing, watching the game from the concession stand, a game in which an adult in the stands got in an insult contest with one of our sophomores that escalated into a fist fight that DID NOT disrupt the game play — nope, our girls kept right on playing as security officers wrangled a punching mass of bodies out of the gym–a game in which they were down by double digits, came back to tie and go into overtime, a game where they lost by two points at the buzzer, and I’m taking in the wonder of these young ladies who could barely bounce a ball at the beginning of the season, who were making eye contact and passing, who were boxing out under the boards, and I’m understanding the impact of it all on their development — their ability to overcome difficulty, their ability to stay the course, their ability to trust themselves in difficult times.

I was overwhelmed.

A couple weeks later, after the season had ended and track season was getting started, the same group of girls was walking down the hallway, headed to practice.

“Ya’all on the track team?” I asked.

“Yes, of course!” they replied.

“Excellent!” I said.

“Are you going to come to our meets?”

“Definitely!”

And during this quick exchange, I noticed that all of the girls had on the same shoes they had worn to run up and down the basketball court all season — including that beat up pair of high tops.

And something inside me snapped.

A few minutes later I saw the track coach, “Hey,” I said discreetly, ‘I notice that K’s shoes are not really appropriate for track. I’d be happy to anonymously fund a new pair for her. Is there a way to make that happen?”

“I’ll figure out a way,” she said.

A few days later, I mentioned the situation to our athletic director. “I don’t know how many students you have that could use running shoes or spikes for track, but if I gathered a few hundred dollars, could you put it to use?”

“I would love that,” she replied. “Let me take a little inventory and see how many pair of shoes we need.”

So here I am telling this story, friends, because this is what I know how to do. I know how to tell you that having athletics is transformational for all kids — but for my students, who have experienced poverty and trauma beyond what I can imagine, who have every reason to give up hope for a brighter future for themselves, sports can offer an opportunity to practice navigating low stakes wins and losses and build the muscle they need to weather bigger wins and losses outside of sports. For my students, the power of athletics is essential.

My school is doing what it can to build programs. Two years ago, the only sports we offered were boys’ basketball, football, and cheerleading. Last year we added track. This year we added girls’ volleyball and basketball. In the fall, we hope to have a cross country team.

Teachers show up to coach, to run a clock, and to sell concessions because we see the impact of these programs on the educational engagement and morale of our students. If they aren’t passing classes, they don’t get to play, so they get more invested in their classes. When they are invested in their classes, they learn more, their grades improve, and they have more opportunity for their future.

It’s not hard to connect the dots between athletic programs and successful adulthood. We’ve known this for decades. All students should have access to programs that lead to a hopeful future, and they should have everything they need to participate in such programs.

So I’m asking, friends. I’m asking you for help — again. If you love sports, if you love kids, if you have an insufferable belief in transformation, please consider joining me in building an Athletic Shoes Fund for my students. Funds will be used to provide athletic shoes for students like K who cannot otherwise purchase their own.

Email me at krathje66@gmail.com for details on how to give or simply send a check with “DLA Athletic Shoes Fund” in the memo line to Detroit Leadership Academy 5845 Auburn Street, Detroit, MI 48228.

And if this isn’t your project to give to, I hope you’ll keep cheering us on as I keep on sharing our stories.

Why boycott?

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Note: If you are listening to this blog post, several links are embedded in the print if you are interested in reading further.

Many years ago, not long after I met my husband, we began discussing a topic I’d never really considered before — boycotting. As I’ve mentioned here before, I grew up in a family that rarely, if ever, discussed politics. I remember when the Watergate hearings were on TV, but I have no shred of memory of how my parents felt about Nixon or the scandal. I have no idea, even, how they voted..

So when I met my husband, it was a little surprising to hear open political discussions — in the back yard, over dinner, on a car ride — about elections, of course, but much more specific issues such as unions, public assistance, and even (gasp!) abortion.

When I learned that in my husband’s family everyone drove American made cars or were required to park across the street when visiting, it made sense to me. My father-in-law was a retiree of General Motors and brand loyalty mattered. However, when my husband said he didn’t want to shop at Walmart, I had to ask why. He explained that Walmart was anti-union, and as a child of an autoworker, he had learned the power of the union to protect and support workers. He preferred not to support a company that wouldn’t allow its employees to organize. I didn’t feel passionately about it at the time, but I could get behind it.

As the years have passed, I’ve learned more about how Walmart underpays its employees while the owners become billionaires, I’ve grown my own distaste for the company and have shopped elsewhere. (This Time article chronicles some of Walmart’s journey including attempts they have made — under pressure from boycotting! — to improve.)

Of course, Amazon is similar in its practices. While it has made moves to reform, well-documented accounts cite drivers not being able to stop on their routes to use the bathroom and how they adapt to this expectation by carrying urine receptacles in their vehicles or by wearing disposable undergarments. Other accounts cite unpaid overtime, unsafe working conditions, and low wages, all while corporate profits rose to $88 Billion in the first quarter of 2025.

Amazon, Walmart, and other large companies are known for using employees — many of whom are low income and/or people of color — working them just up to the number of hours that don’t require them to pay benefits like insurance and sick leave and hiring for “provisional” employment and firing before the employee qualifies for permanent status. As a result, many employees of these companies remain on state and federal assistance while their CEOs pay a lower tax rate than the average American.

I have seen many of my students lured into jobs at Walmart, Amazon, and McDonald’s, promised pay raises, promotions, and an actual future, only to realize just weeks or months later that they had been misled.

So, what’s a middle-aged, middle-income woman like me supposed to do? How can I show that I don’t stand for this kind of corruption, that I don’t agree with these unfair practices? I vote with my purse. I’ve been doing this for years — avoiding companies that I don’t want to support and purchasing from those that I do. For many years this has been an isolated act that helps me feel like I have integrity. I doubt that I’ve made much impact, but I’ve slept better at night.

But this year, in 2025, anything can happen! All kinds of everyday people, using the engine of social media, can rise up and say, “You’re not getting our money!” If you take away your DEI programs, “you’re not getting our money.” If you won’t pay your employees a fair wage, “you’re not getting our money.” If you stand behind causes that harm our fellow Americans, “you are not getting our money.”

In 2025, I am not standing alone! People across the country are cancelling their Prime memberships and refusing to shop at Target, Amazon, Walmart, and other retailers. Last weekend, many refused to spend any money at all for 24 hours. This week, thousands are abstaining from Amazon purchases, and this is just the beginning!

Organizations like the People’s Union have coordinated efforts to systematically send a message to corporations that will hurt their bottom line without jeopardizing the jobs of those who currently work for these entities.

And the beauty of this protest is that it doesn’t cost anything, you don’t have to go anywhere, no one gets hurt, and if you don’t like it, you get to make your own choices. That’s what is great about living in the United States — we still have the freedom to say what we want, to spend what we want, and to support what we want.

For me, that means speaking up about inequity wherever I see it — in education, in health care, in commerce.

Now, I’m sure I still spend money, unwittingly, at businesses that have practices that don’t jive with my guiding principles, and if I learn about them, I will shift. It’s as easy as that.

What do I hope to accomplish? I truly hope the combined efforts of all those who are shifting their buying habits (some sources say 24% of Americans so far in 2025) will get the attention of these corporate giants and they will begin to change some of their policies. I think this could happen, because although the pen is mightier than the sword, money is what really talks.

If this movement can sustain itself long enough for these large corporations to notice changes in their quarterly earnings, we just might get their attention. And if we get their attention, they may hear our message — you can’t abuse people and still get our business.

It’s a small action of many that stands up for those whose voices are not being listened to; it’s an expectation that in a country that professes that all are created equal, that all would be given equal opportunity. Period

That’s reason enough for me to boycott.

uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed; rescue the weak and the needy;
    deliver them from the hand of the wicked. Psalm 82:3-4

Home On Their Own

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

I’m at my parents’ house this weekend. I’ve been here quite a bit in 2025. In their early 80s, they have been having health issues for years, but this is the first year that we’ve seriously considered that living on their own might be just beyond their reach, especially since my mother fell and broke her femur last month.

However, nothing convinced my mother that she wants to stay in her own home more than two and a half weeks in hospitals and rehab. Although (or perhaps because) she worked in a hospital for over 40 years, she does not like being a patient, particularly not one who can’t get out of her bed unassisted.

So, she learned how to get up by herself, how to use a walker, how to transfer into the shower using a special bench, and how to pull on pants healing-leg-first. She allowed my brothers to carry her in a chair up the seven stairs into her house and acquiesced to hiring a home health aide to come to the house for four hours five days a week.

That lasted one week.

Having allowed this aide to make her breakfast, do her laundry, and clean her floors, my mother has determined that having her just two days a week will be adequate. She and my stepfather can manage the rest of the time on their own.

My husband continues to remind me that our parents are adults and can make their own decisions. And I’m working hard to stand back and let them.

It’s a little like parenting teenagers except I’m older and a little wiser. I think I know better than my parents, but I’m trying to be willing (along with my five siblings who seem much less controlling than I am) to let them call the shots and, as my oldest sister says, “let the changes be their idea”.

She’s right, of course.

When I look at my mother and her fierce determination to be at home and take care of herself, I know that I will be just like her in 20 years or so. I won’t want my kids calling the shots. I will need to see for myself when I’m out of my depth, and I’ll want to be the one to yell “help” when, and only when, I’m about to sink.

I don’t want them to get there, of course. I don’t want to watch my parents flounder, but who I am to determine how much struggle they can manage? Who am I to say when enough is enough?

I’m just a kid looking on, watching my parents navigate their reality.

And right now their reality looks like side by side rocker recliners in front of the TV watching cooking shows, Perry Mason, football, Jeopardy, and Wheel of Fortune. It looks like excitement over a chocolate shake or a delivered chicken chimichanga. It looks like rearranging the furniture to accommodate walkers and canes and oxygen machines. It looks like my brothers and sister-in-law dropping by several times a week to bring in mail and groceries, to pay bills, to manage household maintenance, and to simply check in. It looks like me coming on weekends to work on projects, to problem-solve, and to bear witness.

What it doesn’t look like right now is me taking charge, me kicking butts, me taking names.

It looks more compassionate than that — more understanding — more loving. It looks like running to Meijer two days in a row to get the items that weren’t on the list my sister-in-law took with her the day before. It looks like picking up a McDonald’s milkshake at 2pm and a Wendy’s Frosty at 5pm because I was asked and someone who is all but confined to a recliner doesn’t need my judgment. It looks like bringing all the towels in the house to the living room so that my mom can sit in a chair and identify which towels go upstairs, which go downstairs, and which go to the rag pile. It looks like making a pot of chili, instant chocolate pudding, and scrambled eggs and toast– “I’ll take mine with strawberry jelly.”

For a while last night I sat with my mom on the edge of her bed showing her how to operate the television my brother installed — how to use the remote, how to access Netflix, how to navigate with the Roku to watch her regular shows. She did a lot of nodding then asked me to write it down step by step, which I did. I placed the instructions, laminated with packing tape, on her bedside table under the remotes.

This morning I found them sleeping side by side in their recliners. Evidence suggests that my mom tried to sleep in her bed but just couldn’t get comfortable and so carried her pillow back to the chair where she finally nodded off. They were still sitting their unmoved at 11am when I finally decided to make them some breakfast, deliver their meds, and load my things into the car before my trip home.

My exit was made easier because my brother and his family showed up. I didn’t have to leave them alone in their chairs, even if I did know that that would be their eventual reality. I got to leave believing they were in good hands, not worrying if one of them would fall, if they would forget their meds or my stepfather’s breathing treatment.

I called, of course, when I got home. My mom picked up and said, “hold on a minute, let me get to my chair.” I felt myself get tossed into the bag attached to the front of her walker, heard the step-slide as she crossed the floor, and, moments later, she said, “OK, what’s up?”

I knew she’d have to get back out of her chair to heat up dinner, to change into pajamas, to go to the bathroom. I knew it was gonna be a struggle every step of the way.

Everything is going to be a struggle for a while, but they want to give it a try.

This is me trying to be ok with that.

Honor your father and mother. Exodus 20:12

Team Effort

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

Although my mother is in a rehab facility two miles from her home recovering from a broken femur and the surgery to repair it, although my stepfather needs almost ’round the clock support to manage his physical and cognitive health issues, although there are appointments on the calendar and decisions to be made, I returned home last week and went back to work.

I felt ok returning because my parents are in the hands of a very capable team.

Two of my brothers are moments away, able to (mostly) cover the day to day, but the needs are increasing as physical and coggnitive health diminishes, and it’s nearly impossible to manage all the pieces while you are running a business or managing a division. Another brother is a moderate drive away, and he’s not working at the moment, but he has a family, two grandbabies on the way, and commitments he made before the current status emerged.

Two sisters are states away — time zones away — and they chime in to group chats and email threads; one is spearheading the investigation into care options, the other is providing funds for incidentals. They both stopped their lives and showed up for a week last summer to offer support during the last high intensity moments. Our sister-in-law has, for over a year, been managing the lion’s share of doctors’ appointments and errand running.

Right now, my daughter is boots on the ground, going back and forth between her grandma and papa, filling requests, attending to medical needs, purchasing groceries, and doing laundry.

I’m not close enough to my parents to pop over, but in between answering emails, attending meetings, leading classes, and grading assignments, I field texts and phone calls from siblings, agencies, and, of course, my parents.

Each of us has a role to play.

We’re trying to determine next steps. Should they/could they be in assisted living — are there any openings? what is the cost? would they be together? apart? Could they/should they remain in their home — what supports would they need? how often? for how many hours? what is the cost? what changes would have to be made?

It’s an all-out team effort. And, thankfully, everyone is here for it. Because even though each of us has a whole life of our own, we are doing our best to share the load. This is not always the case, especially not in blended families.

We’ve seen it, haven’t we? Siblings who refuse to speak to one another because of something that happened in 1995, or 1974, or 2021. Children who won’t show up because of the ways they felt mistreated or neglected by their parents. The hurts are usually real and the feelings valid, and our family is not immune from dysfunction, so the fact that everyone is able to show up and contribute is a testament to the maturity, healing, and selflessness of each individual.

And we’re learning.

We’re learning about how memory loss can change personality. We’re learning how the feeling of helplessness can look like anger. We’re learning how to take phone calls in the middle of the night with understanding and compassion. We’re learning to take a step forward, not knowing if it’s the right step, but being prepared to change course at any time.

We’re learning about each other — how one is a quick responder, an in-the-moment solver of every kind of problem, a leader who can make the decision when faced with myriad options, how another is a patient presence, willing to just hang out during a losing football game, nodding off in a chair, but staying to the end, ready to go to the grocery store three days in row, willing to heat up a meal or help a senior pull on a pair of socks. A third consistently has a can-do attitude — I can run the vacuum, I can mop the floors, I can stay the night, I can try to bring some humor to the situation. The fourth speaks up for the parents — almost without fail — what do they want? what do they need? are they comfortable? are they able to be together? The fifth speaks sparingly, and sometimes just one-on-one, but she seems to be observing what is happening, offering what she has, and watching for how she can make a contribution. And the last? She has a lot of words — in emails and texts and phone calls and google docs. She’s sharing information like she’s getting paid by the word — documenting the moments of each day so that everyone is in the loop, sees what’s happening, has all the information.

It’s almost like a hiring agent built a team specifically for this task, like the members have been training for these roles their whole lives. The time has come, and everyone is playing their part.

Tomorrow, several members of the team will show up for an assessment by a home health care provider who will determine exactly what is needed, whether or not they can provide it, and what exactly it will cost.

When I called my mom today to ask how she is feeling about this meeting, she said, “hopeful.” She really just wants to be at home, and we really want to make that happen for her, but even though we have a whole team, it is hard for us — the adult children — to know what is best. So, we’ll see what the experts have to say — this provider, our mom’s surgeon, her OT and PT team. Then, with our parents’ input we’ll make a decision.

Then we’ll see how it goes.

Then we’ll communicate with one another.

We’ll decide whether to stay the course or change direction.

It’s gonna be a journey. It’s nice to know we’re in it together.

from the whole body…each part does its work. Ephesians 4:16

I told you so.

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 2 Comments

See? I told you so! Anything can happen in 2025!

You can have your whole week planned — your students will do a peer review on Friday, you’ll sleep in on Saturday, and then you’ll pack a bag and head south to your grand girls to play for the weekend.

But instead, since it’s 2025, your mother will fall down and break her leg on Thursday, you’ll put some sub plans together, pack a different kind of bag to head north. You’ll sit in a hospital room, watching the second hand click so that your mother’s turn for surgery will come at 5:00…no 6:30. Really, it’ll be at 7…we just got pushed to 8, but it’s still gonna happen…no sorry, an emergency brain surgery just bumped her place. We’re moved to 9am tomorrow.

You’re watching her writhe in pain even though they’ve given her NORCO and morphine, then you see her finally settle when they administer dilaudid.

You drive 45 minutes, picking up a chocolate shake on the way, then deliver it to your stepfather who has probably not left his recliner today. You tell him to take his meds, then put on your pajamas, crawl into bed, and set the alarm. You don’t ask if the cat has gone outside. You don’t remind him to put on his oxygen.

Meanwhile, your husband is following through on the initial plan, packing a bag and preparing to drive south.

The alarm blares and you jump up, do a little yoga, gather the items your mother asked for, tell your stepfather that no, you won’t be running to get a coffee, but he should take his meds, take his inhaler, and get himself some breakfast. The last you knew he was still driving, still running to get his own coffee, telling you he can manage on his own, but his wife of 48 years, his primary caregiver, just fell and broke her leg two days ago, he has memory issues, COPD, and a urostomy, and he is quite confused.

He takes his night meds instead of his morning meds. He doesn’t use his inhaler. He doesn’t go get coffee or something to eat. No.

So, while you are waiting through your mother’s surgery, chatting with your younger brother, reading a book, completing a crossword, your stepfather is home struggling.

You call to tell him that his wife is out of surgery, and he says great, but he’s having trouble breathing.

Part of you is worried, but part of you thinks he just wants some of the attention for himself. All of you just wants one moment that isn’t a crisis.

“Do you have your oxygen on?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Ok, put it on. Keith is headed your way soon.”

You and your brother grab a lunch then head to your mother’s room to see her post op. As she’s wheeled in, sound asleep, your brother’s phone rings. Your other brother is with your stepfather, trying to get his oxygen on him, administering an inhaler, making him something to eat.

You stay at the hospital. Your brother goes to the other crisis.

And it’s just Saturday afternoon.

Your husband will watch one grand girl play basketball. He’ll watch the other one play in a school hallway then throw up in the middle of the night. Then, he’ll watch their parents leave on vacation. He’ll go to procure gatorade, make toast, cuddle on the couch, and play games.

You’ll advocate for your mom over the next two days and slowly come to terms with the fact that your stepfather indeed cannot remember which meds to take, which inhaler to use when. He spends 23 hours a day in a recliner because that’s what he has the strength and capacity for, not simply because he’s a selfish asshole.

Although your fatigue is growing, so is your compassion. Your words get softer. You start putting the meds right in his hand. You refill his juice for the 17th time today, and you pick him up one more chocolate milkshake.

Although the experts point out the obvious — your parents need assisted living — and although you and your siblings are trying to make that happen, you also hear their desire to stay at home. Can’t they get chair lift for the stairs? Can’t they get in-home care?

So, you text in the group chat with your five siblings, each of whom are contributing in one way or another. You create a Google doc to keep track of everything that is happening and share it with the group. You assure your mom you won’t make decisions without their input. You’ll try to help them keep their cat. You know this is hard. You know it’s been hard.

Because she voted for the incoming president, you sit beside her and watch the inauguration. Because she’s frail you shut your mouth. You don’t react to the audacity, to the misrepresentations, to the falsehoods. Instead you watch her fall in and out of sleep while the crowd boos former presidents and then applauds the renaming of the Gulf of Mexico. You don’t so much as cuss under your breath or facepalm. You just quietly take it in.

And as you’re driving home, you don’t listen to news. No. You listen to the sermon you missed on Sunday. You sing along with worship music. You’re so exhausted you miss your exit and have to turn around. You pick up dinner, meet your husband — who has picked up groceries — at home, unpack, put on pajamas, eat dinner, and try to stay awake for a movie.

You’re not surprised when you wake up to see that a newly appointed government official used what looks like a Nazi salute. You’re not surprised by the immediate executive orders that have been made. No. We’ve seen this coming.

And, it’s 2025. Literally anything is possible.

A girl could grow compassion for her step-father. Six siblings who have spent little time as a group for the past 40 years could come together to care for their parents. An arctic blast could close school for a couple of days and give a girl a chance to do some laundry, to binge-watch a period drama, to put together a puzzle, to catch her breath.

…with God, all things are possible. Matthew 19:26

In 2025…anything is possible

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

The turn of a calendar page, particularly from December to January over the line of a year, can signal a fresh beginning. We can get our hopes up that this year life will be different — the bills will all get paid, the friends will all get together, our health will improve, and we’ll witness less violence. But we weren’t even to the dawn of the first day of 2025 when we were reminded that terror still exists; we weren’t two solid weeks into this new year before we had to admit that tragedy will still come. Grief will be part of 2025 just as it was part of 2024.

It’s not what we want — we who make resolutions, who join gyms, who buy dot planners, who clean out our closets. We don’t want to read that teenagers were killed as they celebrated, that houses of thousands have burnt straight to the ground. We don’t want our loved ones to be sick, our friends to be overwhelmed, or ourselves to have anxiety about the future.

But reality is what we have. Our parents are admitted to the hospital, a strained relationship marches right into the new year, an appliance breaks down, work stress increases over night, and you suddenly notice a crack in your windshield.

Turning the page on a calendar isn’t magic. No. It’s just a moment in time.

So, shall we throw our hands in the air? give up hope? trudge on knowing that there’s nothing we can do?

You already know that’s not what I’m about here. You know I’m the one with an insufferable belief in restoration. You know I believe the pain could go away, the relationships could be renewed, the bills will get paid. You never know — your savings might grow in 2025. Your appliance might start working again. You just might figure out that impossible issue at work.

But it won’t happen just because you turned the page on a calendar. No. You might have to take action. You might have to start exercising and do the PT they showed you how to do. You might have to forgive someone and change your own behavior. You might have to stop buying that bougie coffee you love so much and put that money in the bank. You might have to call a repairman. You might have to ask for help.

We don’t love asking for help — we who like to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, we who kick butts and take names, we who take pride in getting shit done. We like managing things on our own, thank you very much.

We don’t love interruptions to our routine — broken equipment, illness, accidents. We like things to go as planned.

But in 2025, just like in all the years before, interruptions will happen. The sink will get clogged, a copier will get jammed, and the traffic will back up. In those moments, you might find a solution on your own, but you might have to network as a team with a spouse, a sibling, a coworker, a qualified professional.

Or, you may just have to wait it out.

But friends, don’t lose heart. Things are not worse than they have ever been. Nope. Since the dawn of time, the struggle has been exceptionally real. And people just like us have found a way to come together, to find solutions, to face the unexpected, to overcome difficulty, to not lose hope.

I am not sure how they did it in days of yore — I’ve heard tales of women gathering over quilts, of dinner parties where folk discussed issues and devised strategies, of community organizing in dusty offices under glaring light. I’ve read of sweeping movements that have made dramatic change in the culture, in policy, in the everyday lives of people.

I don’t know if I have the steam for all that, but I do have what it takes to get out of bed every morning, to write a few words on the page, to practice yoga, and to put this hopeful hunk of flesh in my car, drive 30 minutes east, and show up for my students. And, I can also find the wherewithal, when the unexpected happens, to pivot. When a call comes early in the morning, I can point my vehicle in a different direction and show up for my family.

I think that’s what I am bringing to 2025 — the knowledge that things are going to be as they always have been and the willingness to keep showing up anyway.

My goal is to show up without judgment and full of hope.This is the challenge, isn’t it? to show up without an attitude, without preconceived notions of what others should or should not be doing, with a heart that says anything is possible. Already this year I have shown up once or twice annoyed, irritated, and wringing my hands — this would all be different if only they would …fill in the blank.

But it’s still January, and I can’t expect to be hitting my goal with 100% accuracy from the jump.

It wouldn’t be a goal if I could already do it.

So here’s to 2025 — may we keep showing up full of hope. After all, anything truly is possible.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him. Romans 15:13

Ten Years Later #11: A String of Miracles

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

This is the last of the “Ten Years Later” series that I had intended to be a weekly feature in 2024. The year, as most are, was more than I had anticipated — more struggle, more loss, more healing, more restoration, more hope. This post, written and recorded in January 2023, sums up the vibe I want to carry into 2025 — the continuing hope that all things can be made new.

We purchased the gifts and wrapped them. We planned menus, purchased loads and loads of food, and baked ourselves silly. We cleaned the house and made all the beds, and then we waited.

As we sat on the coach, staring at Netflix, the texts started to come in.

“We’re checked in at the hotel! See you in the morning!”

“Our flight just landed!”

“We should be there in an hour!”

And then our family started rolling in — from Ohio, from Massachusetts, from Missouri.

We hugged, we laughed, and we ate.

We puzzled; we played games. We did crafts, watched movies, and traveled to celebrate with even more family.

It sounds like what most families do over the holidays, but I suppose many families, like ours, can get together like this only because of a string of miracles — only because of choosing forgiveness, of going to therapy, and of healing and time and the stubborn belief that things get better.

Didn’t you, too, have the holiday where everyone was yelling at each another?

And the one where no one spoke a word?

And the one where everyone walked out of church sobbing?

And the one where some decided they just. couldn’t. do it — not this year.

And then there was the covid year (or years — who remembers?) where we packed presents into flat rate boxes and stood in line for hours at the post office, hoping our parcels would get there before Easter. The year (or was it two?) where we sat in Zoom rooms with family members, some of us trying not to hog the air time, others trying to endure those who were hogging the air time.

It seems after all those difficult years we might have stopped believing that we could once again be all in one space, laughing, eating, agreeing on what to watch, moving upstairs to open the gifts, and leaning together over a puzzle, snacking on chips and rock candy and cookies.

But we didn’t stop believing — really — did we?

Didn’t we keep hoping for the day when all the therapy would pay off? Didn’t we long for the moment when we all laughed at the same joke, all smiled at the same memory, all managed to load ourselves and our gifts and bags full of food into cars only to discover most of the way there that we had left the main dish warming in the oven and no one lost their shit but we rebounded easily, picking up take out on the way?

Didn’t we imagine it could happen? Didn’t we dream it?

And so I’m sitting here pinching myself, trying to believe that it actually happened. And someone in the Christmas 2022 group chat sends a text checking on someone else who left the festivities feeling subpar. Another sends a pic of a present that broke upon opening, and everyone laughs. More pics are shared, more laughter, and then a commitment to what we will do next year.

They want to do it again next year.

I need a moment to just take that in.

Every family relationship doesn’t get this gift, does it? We don’t all get the moments we prayed for.

Don’t we all have at least one relationship where we do all the initiating? where tender topics are avoided? where our hearts ache with disappointment at the end of each phone call? where we can’t shake the feeling of being unwanted?

In fact, I was sitting in therapy the very day that the last of our family left, on the come down, for sure, and all I managed was, “our Christmas was amazing, but this one relationship over here still sucks and that’s all I can think about.”

And over the hour of belaboring the one less-than-stellar relationship I have spent most of my life bemoaning, my therapist offered suggestions, role-playing, expectation-setting, and the like, and near the end of the session, I began to realize that the beauty we experienced with our family at Christmas didn’t come without the hard work of many — of all of us, really.

I can’t expect this other relationship to magically transform on its own. If I want something different, I’ll need to return — to my knees, to forgiveness, to therapy, to the stubborn belief that things can get better.

It’s risky — even just the hoping for change — because happy endings or even happy moments are not guaranteed. I might experience disappointment — again.

But I might risk hoping, and a series of miracles might just happen. We might laugh at the same joke or smile at the same memory. We might play a game together or lean toward each other over a puzzle. We might agree on a movie. We might enjoy a meal.

And it might be amazing.

Witnessing the string of miracles that led to an amazing Christmas has me thinking that I just might risk hoping again.

[He] is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of”

Ephesians 3:20

Last-minute Christmas Prep

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You are all but ready for the holidays, but you’re starting to feel a little edgy because the gatherings are starting to happen? Me, too! Seeing all of our people can tricky — especially at the holidays.

It’s not because of the presents or the food or the clothing we choose to wear, it’s because of all the meaning we attach to the smallest of things. We come carrying the historical experiences we’ve had with each important person in our life, and our brains use some kind of warped algorithm to assign emotional value to every holiday interaction:

the language in that text,

the gesture she made when she said that thing about you know what,

the fact that she said nothing about you know what,

the size of the gift,

the absence of a gift,

the appropriateness of the gift,

the inappropriateness of the gift,

that phone call,

the lack of a phone call,

the food that was served,

the food that wasn’t served,

how much he ate,

how much he didn’t eat,

the church service,

the hymns we sang,

the hymns we didn’t sing,

the outfit they wore,

what they didn’t wear,

who showed up,

who didn’t show up…

It’s all laden with our individual and collective histories of hurt, joy, regret, longing, grief, love, loss, and all the other emotions that seem amplified around the holidays.

And why are they amplified? Maybe because holidays are times of expectation — we build them up to be the pinnacle of our human existence. When did you see your first holiday commercial or store display this year? When did you hear your first Christmas carol? When did you purchase your first Christmas present or attend your first holiday party?

For months we look forward to this season with expectation, creating scenarios in our minds, imagining who will be with us, how they will react to the gift that we bring, how we will embrace and enjoy one another’s company, and how perfect the experience will be. But when each of us arrives lugging our history and our expectation, there is bound to be disappointment.

I will be so busy tending to my historical hurt — the disappointment of Christmases past when I wasn’t with my father, the longing for the holidays my grandparents created, the belief that I didn’t fit in with my family — and trying to process my current reality — the work stresses, health issues, and dysfunction in relationships– that I don’t realize that you, too, are tending to your historical hurt and current reality, which may be very similar or very different from mine.

And, since my gaze is at least partially turned inward, I might say something that is less than thoughtful or even insensitive and you may feel hurt. And since it’s a holiday, you may contain your reaction to a mere shifting of your eyes, but I will see it, and, being focused on my own hurt, I won’t see that shift as you reacting to my insensitivity but will assign it some other type of meaning — I might assume the worst about you rather than taking accountability for my own actions.

And it doesn’t take many of these small interactions to lead to a tense and emotionally charged holiday gathering, even among the most civilized and emotionally evolved among us.

Before you know it, someone says, “What do you mean by that?” and storms away to a different room or out the front door. Or, they contain their hurt inside, plastering over it with a smile, but carrying the hurt to the car with them and taking it out to nurse and nurture in the privacy of their own home so that it can be brought back to the next holiday gathering. It’s not what we are hoping for, but it’s what we often do.

Hurt people hurt people, and if we are being honest, we are all hurting.

We are all longing for someone to say:

I’m really sorry about that thing that happened to you,

I didn’t mean what I said — I was angry when I said it,

I want to heal with you,

Will you forgive me?

Can we talk about it?

How can I help?

I’m proud of you,

I support you,

I love you.

We often approach holidays playing defense — putting up our guard, expecting the blows, preparing for the worst.

What if we tried a different way? What if we planned ahead and practiced checking in, listening, caring, and supporting? What if we processed our historical hurt through writing or therapy before we loaded up the car? What if we were vulnerable and admitted to a few at our gatherings, “I’m struggling. This season is hard. I’m sorry if I seem distracted.”

How might these little moves have a significant impact on our experience of the holidays?

And while we are at it, can we plan to overlook any insensitive comments someone else might make, any seemingly judgmental facial expressions, any downright rude comments? Can we chalk them up to the heightened emotions of the holidays and not give them too much weight? Can we decide in advance not to gather these infractions up in a bag to take home and examine under a microscope? Can we instead choose to sweep them up with the crumbs from the table and toss them in the trash, not because they are meaningless, but because we are not choosing to assign them any additional meaning?

Can we plan to check in with the oldest, the youngest, the quietest among us? Can we set out to embrace those we know are grieving? Can we provide space for those who need an ear? Can we offer to help? Can we turn our gaze away from ourselves?

Could we give that one extra gift?

…Love one another. (John 13:34)

The Giving Season

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

Since seven (yes, 7!) of our immediate family members have December birthdays, our “season” starts a little earlier than most. We have said for years that we start partying on Thanksgiving and finish on New Year’s Day. This year is no different. The birthday gifts are all but purchased, at least one package has been shipped, and our our living room is staged with “gifts in process” for both birthdays and Christmas so that we don’t miss anyone.

And each morning, I leave my comfortable home that is well-stocked with food, clothing, and this somewhat moderate collection of gifts, cross 28 miles of metro Detroit, pull into a disintegrating parking lot, enter the building, and prepare to meet the reality of the students that I serve.

Today’s reality came in the form of Kaden*, one of my seniors. I was in the gym when he entered from the bus, scowling.

“Good morning, Kaden. Everything ok?”

“I don’t know why we had school today. I almost froze to death.”

“Hey, come here a minute. You only have on a hoodie. Do you need a coat?”

“I mean, I have a coat,” his demeanor was shifting, “we just don’t have a washing machine right now, so I can’t wash it.”

“Ok, but we have coats. I can get you one this morning. Would you be good with that?”

“Yeah, that would be good. I would take a coat.”

Later in the day, I found him, we walked to our clothing closet, and he chose one of several new coats that remained from a large donation we received last year.

We have a fairly decent supply in that closet — coats, shirts, hats, and some miscellaneous toiletries and nonperishable food items — but it goes away quickly because our students are continuously in need of something.

Each day I am asked if I have something to eat — often by students I’ve never even had in class. I try to always say yes and walk students to my stash where they can select a granola bar, some trail mix, or a package of cheese crackers. Most teachers of teenagers probably have a similar routine.

I also get requests for deodorant, for socks, for cough drops, band aids, a toothbrush, or a safety pin — again pretty typical requests for teenagers, and fairly easy to accommodate. These small items solve in-the-moment problems for my students and allow them to get back to learning. I have a pretty healthy stash that many in my village help keep stocked, but when the holiday season comes around, the depth of my students’ need comes into sharp focus.

Before coming to this school, I’d never met families who simply “don’t do Christmas” but here I have met many students for whom December 25 is just another day because their families simply don’t have the financial capacity to purchase anything extra, let alone the privilege many of us have to line their living rooms with gifts, to create an elaborate feast, to deck the halls, and to gather with friends and family.

I have students who are housing insecure — one young woman whose mother died during Covid and who is currently carrying her possessions with her and bouncing between two places to “find a place to sleep”. I have students whose families bounce from apartment to apartment — one young man I spoke to yesterday said “we are definitely moving in a couple of weeks, but I don’t know where yet.” We have families who don’t have reliable transportation — who can’t join the basketball team because they don’t have a ride home after practice and have to take the school bus that leaves at 3:15. I have students who, in addition to coming to school, work to help their parents pay the bills. I have a senior whose very demeanor and aptitude scream “engineer” who is in the manager training program at McDonald’s. He often closes the store and does inventory or other related tasks that keep him up well into the night rendering him incapable of staying awake in school the next day. He’s working this hard, yet he is wearing the same worn clothes and shoes I’ve been seeing him wear since I’ve known him, which is most of high school.

Our students and their families are barely getting by. How in the world can they dream of doing anything for Christmas?

Yet these students keep showing up. They come to school, they log onto their school-issued chromebooks, they complete independent modules to earn their financial literacy credit, they come to my class, bend over their notebooks scrawling out the purpose and audience for their next essay, practice the nuance of Standard Academic English while teaching their middle-aged English teacher the current vernacular. They have big dreams — of being nurses and engineers and game designers and ultrasound technicians — and they need a whole village to rise up around them to give those dreams every chance at reality.

I’m part of their village, and I’m raising my voice to invite you to be part of their village with me.

School leaders have selected nine families who are in dire need of support this holiday season. Because it is already December 6, and we have to get items to our students before they leave for break on December 20, we won’t be filling traditional wish lists. Instead, we have set a goal of giving each of these 9 families one grocery gift card, one department store (Target or Kohl’s) gift card, and one gas gift card. Additionally, I have created an Amazon wish list of items that our students frequently request.

Joining this initiative may be a small part of your holiday giving, but it could make all the difference for a struggling family — it could help them put food in the fridge, buy some new jeans for a child, and put gas in their car so that they can visit a friend. It won’t change their whole world, but it might just change their opinion about the people in it.

All of us have many opportunities to give at Christmas. If caring for my students in Detroit is something you are interested in doing, I invite you to check out that Amazon wish list or to make a donation to our gift card initiative. To do that, you can send a check to Detroit Leadership Academy, 5845 Auburn Street, Detroit, MI 48228 or donate via CashApp.

so in Christ we …form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift … is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously. Romans 12: 5-8, selected portions

2024, How Extraordinary!

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

From day one, 2024 suggested it would be one for the books, but never could I have imagined just how extraordinary it would turn out to be (and yes, I do realize I am writing this with six whole weeks remaining in this storied year).

Now, when I use the word extraordinary, I am not trying to say it has been wonderful or fantastic. I am sticking with the dictionary definition of very unusual. So much about this year — in my personal life, but also in the public realm — has been extraordinary.

It might have seemed ordinary that my 61 year old husband took his pension after a thirty-seven year long career and began a private practice — lots of people do that. But it was rather extraordinary that within two weeks of his new reality his mother was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and my stepfather was diagnosed with bladder cancer. We couldn’t have known when my husband decided to make this major life transition that we would be stepping into more supportive roles with our parents for the next many months and that he would need the flexibility that his private practice has allowed.

It is pretty ordinary for an organization to go through transitions when key people leave, but it is rather extraordinary that within two months of my husband leaving his university role, the board of directors of that institution announced that it would be all but closing within the next academic year. It’s rather ordinary for institutions to have a life cycle, of course, but it is rather extraordinary that this life cycle would be ended when the university was as strong — or stronger — as it had ever been.

I could continue…the whole year has been like this. I mean, it’s ordinary to have family drama, and we’ve had some of the ordinary kind, but since it’s 2024, we’ve had some extraordinary family drama. A friend, early in the year made the observation that when families are under distress or trauma, all the dysfunction shows up to an exponential degree, and I can attest that it is so. (In fact, I may have been a little exponential myself on a couple occasions, truth be told.)

We had some extraordinary moments with my mother-in-law — some of the very good kind of extraordinary moments — before she passed away on October 1. And it was extraordinary to see the friends and family roll in to say goodbye and to honor her life.

I had a couple pretty extraordinary moments with my stepfather during his chemo, during a couple hospitalizations, and during his recovery. And since his chances were 50/50 with the type of cancer he had, it might be considered extraordinary that he is now cancer free!

As we ordinarily do, my husband and I prepared our garden in the spring, sowed seeds for lettuce, radishes, carrots, and beets and planted tomato plants and potatoes. And, as usual, the radishes and lettuce thrived, the carrots and beets struggled, and the potatoes and tomatoes gave a respectable yield. But what was extraordinary was that despite the fact that we didn’t plant pumpkins, have never planted pumpkins, we harvested dozens — yes, dozens — of pie pumpkins, many of which are still in my pantry.

I don’t ask questions. It’s 2024. Anything can happen.

I can take a new role and expect to transition away from teaching, only to find two weeks before school that I will be doing the new role and teaching. I can expect this to be overwhelming only to find that I am thriving — loving the opportunity to do both roles.

It’s very ordinary to have a presidential election every four years, but how ordinary is it that both candidates are basically octogenarians? how ordinary that one of them — the actual president — drops out of the race months before the election? how ordinary that a Black and Asian female would take his place? how ordinary that her opponent is a convicted felon under investigation for myriad crimes? how ordinary that she breaks all fund-raising goals on record? how ordinary that her opponent has two attempts on his life while campaigning? how ordinary that his running mate creates a racist narrative and admits to creating it? how ordinary that a candidate campaigns from a garbage truck, spends thirty minutes of a rally playing random songs from his playlist, and still — still — still gets elected?

That’s extraordinary. And then it just gets even more unusual when he selects someone else under criminal investigation for sex-related crimes to be the United States Attorney General and someone accused of “traitorous parroting of Russian propaganda” to be the Head of U.S. Intelligence!

But it’s 2024 — anything can happen!

I can fly to Philadelphia, visit dear relatives, attend a wedding on the Jersey Shore, fly back home, and test positive for Covid all within the span of a week. That might be pretty ordinary in these post-pandemic times, but is it also ordinary to follow a Covid isolation with food poisoning? Probably not.

This year has been anything been ordinary, and it’s not over yet.

What will the next six weeks bring? I wouldn’t dare to guess.

But I am not afraid — a little obsessive about self-care, but not afraid.

After all, “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9). Since the dawn of time there has been disease, death, corruption, immorality. Perhaps the brazenness of 2024 is what is catching me off-guard, but that, too, is not new.

It’s especially not new to a high school teacher. No, we live in the realm of brazenness, of bravado, of actual crying out loud — these are the hallmarks of adolescent behavior. They are intended to intimidate, to gain control, to encourage onlookers on to “pay no attention to what is behind the curtain,” but don’t make the mistake I made in my earlier days of interacting with teens. Any seasoned teacher of adolescents will tell you that behind the curtain is exactly where you need to look. Usually what you find there is insecurity, loneliness, and perhaps even desperation.

Let’s not let the extraordinary of 2024 keep us from recognizing what is truly ordinary in all of this. Each of us longs for connection, for the ability to trust those around us with our most vulnerable parts, but there is no way we can make connection when we are distracted by name-calling, blaming, bravado, the extraordinary.

One by one we have to refuse to be intimidated in the face of bluster. We have to be willing to risk, to get close, to look behind the curtain.

People are hard to hate close up. Move in. Speak truth to bullshit. Be civil. Hold hands. With strangers. Strong back. Soft front. Wild heart.” — Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness

Ten Years Later #10: Evolution of a Voter

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I’m getting ready to head to the polls this morning like I have in every presidential election since 1984. My practices have shifted quite a bit since those early years. I wrote about it in 2020, and I’m re-posting it here now.

In the house I grew up in, we didn’t talk politics. I knew who the president was, and I knew I should exercise my civic duty and vote, but other than my fifth grade teacher strongly extolling the merits of then-candidate Jimmy Carter, I didn’t know that people held strong opinions about elections or politics.

I was a white girl in middle America, the world was working pretty well for me, and nobody told me I should feel differently.

When I recently watched Mrs. America, a re-telling of the early failed attempts to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s, I was startled to realize that my family and my community had indeed been political in that they had believed an ideology and pushed to maintain a reality that worked for them, even if they didn’t consciously acknowledge or care to discuss it.

I believed from a young age that “those women” who were fighting for the ERA were bra-burning radicals who were bent on destroying Christian values. They were going to destroy the family as we knew it. No one in my family actually said this out loud, but I know I received that message, because as I watched the series, I was transported back in time to interrogate those beliefs and compare them with what I feel strongly about now.

I’ve been doing that a lot in recent years — interrogating firmly held beliefs. As the president’s nominee for Supreme Court Justice awaits a politically-charged confirmation, I find myself looking back on how I became a one-issue voter and how I walked away from that practice.

I remember voting for the first time as a freshman at Michigan State University in 1984. I walked to the neighboring dorm and cast my vote to re-elect President Reagan. It seemed the obvious choice. I’d watched the footage of him being shot as he was climbing into his vehicle, secret service agents swooping in to move him to safety. He’d survived that and resumed his duties. Why wouldn’t I vote to let him continue doing so? I was 18, what did I know?

I don’t think I voted in 1988. I was registered to vote in Michigan and student teaching in Indiana. I probably assumed the vote would do just fine without me for one cycle. I had more important tasks on my list.

In 1992, my husband and I bent over the Sunday newspaper the week before the presidential election, sorting through pages of charts to find the candidates and proposals we would be voting on. We read, discussed, and began our tradition of creating a “cheat sheet” to carry with us to the polls. Sorting through a sea of candidates, many of whom we did not know, we made a decision, as professional church workers in a conservative denomination, that we would vote for candidates who were pro-life.

Our decision to reduce complex candidates and platforms down to one issue speaks perhaps to our trust in our denominational leadership and our commitment to our duty as leaders in that denomination. That commitment to duty convinced me that we had to get things ‘right’. We had to vote the right way, parent the right way, lead the right way, and live the right way.

This whole-hearted commitment to being right made me very judgmental of those who I believed to be wrong. I was not afraid to speak out if I thought someone was going the wrong way or to impose my beliefs on others.

For example, I believed Halloween was decidedly anti-Christian. I was sure to let other parents know that if they allowed their children to participate they weren’t being very good parents. (Yeah, I was pretty fun to be around all of October.)

Similarly, I was firm in my pro-life commitment, so when my husband and I joined our church community to stand on the side of the street and hold signs and pray to end abortion, it seemed fitting that our children should join us, too. And, we continued to vote based on that one issue through many local and national elections.

The intention was good — I stand by that. We believe that life begins at conception, and to turn our backs on the unborn seemed unconscionable. But, just like the ideologies around feminism that my family and community held in my childhood, this belief — that voting for candidates who claimed to be pro-life was an imperative of our Christian faith — needed to be interrogated.

For one, just because a political candidate says he or she stands for something, does not mean that policy will be impacted. Some would wave a banner high just to get a vote.

Also, platforms can be misleading. A candidate may say she is pro-life when talking about abortion, but if she is also pro-NRA, is she actually pro-life? If she believes that American citizens have the right to own semi-automatic weapons, the likes of which have been used in many mass shootings in recent years, is she really concerned about the value of life? Many pro-life politicians have failed in recent months to enact legislation to provide life-sustaining relief to those who have been financially devastated by the pandemic and who are desperate for housing, food, and medical care.

What is our definition of pro-life, anyway?

And then there’s the actual issue of abortion.

I was nine months pregnant with my first daughter, when my in-laws joined us at our place to celebrate Thanksgiving. I sat across the table from my father-in-law, digesting turkey and potatoes, when the topic of abortion came up. I was poised for a fight, to stand firmly on my belief that abortion was wrong, but then he complicated the issue for me. He said, “It’s great to want to stop abortion, but once we protect that unborn child, who will be willing to provide for it? Who will care for the mother? Who’s going to fund that? Are we ready to really be pro-life?”

That conversation has stuck with me for almost 28 years. For many of those years, we continued our one-issue voting strategy, believing ourselves to be right.

But here’s the thing with believing you’re right — you often discover that you are wrong.

You might firmly instill in your children the belief that abortion is wrong, that they should save sex for marriage, and that sexual purity is highly valued by the family and the church, and leave no room for scenarios that you never would have expected.

You might discover that someone you love has been sexually assaulted and is afraid to let you know because you might not value them as much — you might find them broken.

Will they come to you? Will they trust you to have compassion? Will they believe that you love them more than your firmly held beliefs? Or will they feel alone?

You might discover that someone you love has had an abortion. Will they feel judged by you (and by God)? Will they find acceptance and grace?

What is our goal as Christians who vote pro-life? If Roe v. Wade is overturned, will the gospel of Christ be advanced? If in trying to achieve that goal, we find ourselves name-calling and shaming those around us, have we demonstrated the love of Christ, whose name we bear?

Is outlawing abortion the only way to value life? Or is it merely relegating the practice to secrecy where it will be unregulated, dangerous, and further demonized?

For most of my life, I have tried to get it right, but what if I admitted that I’ve gotten so much wrong? What if I acknowledged that I am sorely in need of grace?

What if rather than teaching my children that they’d better get it all right, I ensured them that I’d be with them when it inevitably goes wrong.

Several elections back, I stopped being a one-issue candidate. I found myself taking a long look at the complexity of our society, seeing all of its brokenness, examining the faulty options set in front of me, having complicated discussions with people who matter to me, weighing the options thoroughly, and voting as though I cared not only for the unborn, not only for myself, but also for those who have repeatedly and historically been overlooked, mistreated, marginalized, and forgotten.

I can no longer vote for a candidate who waves the pro-life flag with one hand while using the other to give the finger to millions of already-born humans who long for equality, justice, and a chance to breathe freely.

More than one issue is at stake in this election.

I plan to vote as though I know that.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)

Embracing

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

I’m not really a hugger.. I wouldn’t say I am anti-hug, I honestly just don’t have the impulse — I never think to myself, You know what I could use right now? A hug!

I wasn’t always this way, of course. I remember being quite affectionate as a child. I would run, yelling, “Dad!” and fling myself into my father’s arms when he arrived home from work or a trip or even if I was broken-hearted about something.

I would also, upon arriving at my grandparents’ house, spring from the car and sprint to their waiting arms to get big bear hugs. I was so sure they would be there to receive my affections, so sure they would reciprocate, so sure they would lavish their love upon me.

But life teaches us, doesn’t it, that not everyone loves like a grandparent. Not everyone consistently beams in your presence, overlooks your quirks, or forgives so effortlessly. So, over time, we lose that abandon — that ability to fling ourselves into the arms of another. We learn, instead, to guard, to protect, to hold back.

This is a useful skill for a high school teacher. You have to simultaneously let students know that you love them and that you don’t need them to love you in return. My love for my students is not dependent on their behavior, their mood-of-the-day, or whether or not they even like me.

I’ve grown into this, too, of course. In the early days of teaching, I really did want students to like me. I was fiercely committed to telling them the truth about life, but I was also quite sensitive to their reactions to me. I even, at times, wanted their approval. But over the years, my tough exterior has developed and I am quite impervious to derogatory comments, rude behavior, or the occasional “I can’t stand you, Mrs. Rathje.”

I mean, I’m not going to win them all.

This persona — the I’m fine; you can’t hurt me persona — is effective most of the time. Most days I motor through pretty well accomplishing my tasks, completing deliverables, and managing life without really thinking about my emotions.

Just writing that sentence made me stop for a minute. Is it true that Kristin Rathje, once voted ‘moodiest’ by her senior class because of her inability to self-regulate is now for the most part functioning from a pretty level emotional state? I think it really is. And that is likely true for you, too. Most of us manage most of life — the ups, the downs — from a pretty stable place. Of course we smile when something pleases us. Our eyebrows crinkle up when something doesn’t make sense,. We get annoyed in traffic, and we feel overwhelmed by our workload, but truly, we tend to manage all of that without even thinking about it.

Certainly there are larger emotions under the surface — ongoing hurts that we unpack with close friends or in therapy — but typically, in our daily lives we function in circles that are oblivious to our personal realities because we have developed strategies for keeping them to ourselves.

And for me, the I’m fine; you can’t hurt me persona has worked as a self-regulation strategy. And this persona is not one who would typically want a hug.

When I taught in St. Louis several years ago, some of my students would come into the building each day and hug one another — I didn’t love it. It seemed excessive. You just saw each other yesterday. What’s with the hug? And typically, if students approached me and asked for a hug, the answer was No. I’m not a hugger. They were not impacted by my resistance to hug them. They just found the next dozen people in the hallway and hugged them instead. I felt no shame.

And when I started teaching in Detroit, we were in the midst of the Covid 19 pandemic. We were wearing masks, social distancing (remember that?) and having anxiety about being in the same room with twenty other people. Certainly no one was interested in hugging.

And for the past four years, the only students I have hugged have been graduates who have come back for a visit. Feeling sincere joy upon seeing them after a year or two or three, I hold out my arms, they walk to me, and we embrace. I look them in the eyes, ask, How are you? What are you doing now? and then I listen. Other than that — no hugs. Lots of fist bumps, a few carefully choreographed hand shakes, but no hugs. Thank you, I’m fine.

But guys. The last few months have been different. I might be converting to some type of huggable person — even when I am at school!

It started in the most unlikely of situations. We have a new policy this year in which students have to turn in their phones when they enter our building. Phones are returned at the end of the day. Because of this policy, two other staff members and I set up each morning in the gym to receive students. They walk through a metal detector, have their bag searched, and then report to our station. They hand us their phones, and we place them in pre-labeled envelopes. It’s all pretty systematic, just as we expected.

What we didn’t expect is the relationship capital this system is supporting. Don’t get me wrong — most students are not happy to hand over their phones, and many are finding ways to sneak them past us and to keep their phones with them throughout the day. But relationship capital is being built by our consistency in the same position in the gym every morning. We greet each student with Good morning and their name, we make eye contact, we encourage students to get a breakfast, and then the magic happens — students tell us what happened last night or on their way to school, they share what is annoying them at the moment, or they come up beside us to get their daily hug.

That’s right — I’m giving out morning hugs. They aren’t theatrical, but a small number of students come to each of us daily to get a little one-armed side hug before moving into their day. Also, I have one senior who stops at my door every day on his way into class to give me a hug before entering. It’s not cheesy; it’s not manipulative; it’s just a hug.

And I’m here for it.

Earlier this month, my mother-in-law passed away on a Tuesday morning after a months-long illness. I helped my husband pack his bag and sent him to be with his father and siblings, then determined I’m fine and went to school. I texted my principal to let her know I would likely need Friday off but that I was good for the day.

And I was good — I participated in a day-long training, I texted with family members who were managing the details of travel, and I interacted with students in the hallways. It wasn’t until the end of the day that reality hit me. My principal saw me, met my eyes, and opened her arms. I walked to her and felt the love in her embrace, and the emotions leaked past my persona and out of my eyes.

I was totally into that hug.

When Friday arrived, so did my adult children, one after the other. Each one of them and their partners greeted me with an embrace that said I love you. I know this hurts. We are here. It’s ok to have feelings.

And I trusted that; I leaned in.

When I arrived at the funeral home, the family had just entered the room to see my mother-in-law for the first time since her passing. I walked in to see my husband stepping up to the casket. I joined him, reached for his hand, and silently told my mother-in-law goodbye. From there, I moved to my father-in-law, hugging him cheek to cheek, whispering, I’m so sorry. I then embraced each of my sisters-in-law and my brothers-in-law.

We each reached for each other, saying with words or without, I love you. I’m sorry. I am so glad you are here.

The hugs kept coming all weekend long — Hello. I’m sorry. So good of you to come. Thank you for being here. I love you. Goodbye.

I treasured each and every one of those hugs. I leaned in. I held on. I breathed deeply. I let go slowly.

I think I’m changing, letting down my guard, beginning to trust the people in my life, and it’s good.

Because apparently underneath my tough exterior is a little girl who could still sometimes really use a hug.

“…whatever is pure, whatever is lovely…think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Lesson Review

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Some lessons we have to learn over and over.

Every fall, teachers have to teach students how to enter their classrooms, how to walk down the hallways, and how to raise their hands before speaking in a group setting.

Students, of course, have been taught before how to gather supplies, find their desks, and wait for instructions, but after a long summer of loosened expectations, a short weekend at home, or even just transitioning from one classroom to another, they often need explicit directions in order function in ways that support classroom learning.

They need a review.

Teachers need to relearn every fall, too. Administrators spend much of the first few weeks re-establishing norms like arrival times (teachers must be in their classrooms well before the students), duty stations (every teacher at their doorway during transitions), and procedural expectations (no bathroom passes during the first and last 10 minutes of class).

Teachers know these norms, of course; they haven’t changed since last year, and even if you switched schools, many routines are consistent from building to building. Nevertheless, teachers, too, have had loosened expectations over the summer, have checked out over the weekend, or are simply exhausted and have momentarily “lost track” of the ways we do things around here.

Teachers, too, need a review.

Folks outside of school need to be reminded of the rules, too.. For example, even though we’ve been knowing the speed limit is 65 miles per hour, even though we got a ticket for going 78 last February, even though we had to sit through an online driving course, don’t we find ourselves edging back up to 78? And even though we promised our dental hygienist that we would brush two times a day and floss daily, don’t we find ourselves skipping the floss or (gasp) the brushing from time to time?

I don’t think we [or most teachers or students] are deliberately trying to break the rules or walk a dangerous path. No, I think we are just living in the moment and not considering the impact of our actions on ourselves and others.

My students don’t consider what happens when they walk into my classroom five minutes late announcing, “What up, Rathje?” after the rest of the class has already settled in to our daily routine. They don’t see that they draw every eye away from learning and that they have initiated a series of steps that I wasn’t planning on — first giving them a consequence, then re-establishing the momentum of the class. No, they were merely chatting with a friend in the hallway, trying to grab a last minute drink, or possibly trying to avoid coming to class for as long as possible. They weren’t thinking that they were missing on the first few minutes of learning or stealing a couple of minutes from the teacher and the rest of the class; they thought they were hanging on to a few more minutes for themselves.

Likewise, teachers are not intending to create an unsafe environment when they arrive five minutes past their report time, finish entering grades instead of moving to their threshold during a transition, or allow a student to go to the bathroom five minutes after the hallways have cleared and classes have begun. No, they aren’t thinking of that impact. They are thinking, Surely five minutes is no big deal, or What difference does it make if I stand at my doorway? or But the kid really had to go! But the impact of any one of those decisions could be that students are left unsupervised for just a minute or even five minutes, and without supervision, our students might do something without considering the consequences — shove a friend, initiate a fight, or slip away undetected.

This is why rules and norms exist — to keep everyone safe, to maximize learning time, to create a culture in which people can thrive.

We’ve all got our own routines for similar reasons. I, for example, as you may have read about a thousand times in this blog, have many routines to keep my inflammation in check so that I can continue to be involved in education. The litany includes daily yoga, walking, writing, mental health therapy, physical therapy, Hellerwork massage, acupuncture, a diet that excludes gluten and dairy, intentional rest, and a variety of other strategies. When I follow my routine, I stay safe; in fact, I thrive. Recently, after our teachers had returned to the building and I was leading sessions, helping prepare the building, meeting with teachers, and preparing my own lessons, I remarked to my husband, “I am amazed at what this body is letting me do!” And, I truly was! I had been able to navigate long days and stressful situations including what is the most challenging for me — last minute changes of plans — with minimal stress or impact on my body.

So, I just kept chugging! I was living my best life, oblivious to the potential impact on me or anyone else.

Until last Tuesday afternoon around 5:15pm when I was sitting in a meeting at the end of the day. I’d been at the school since 7:30am — had greeted students as they had entered the building, had read and answered email, had observed two teachers, and had sat through two classes with my seniors who were visited by a college rep. I had helped supervise dismissal and gotten students on their busses and then reported to a meeting with the other leaders in our building. Over an hour into the meeting, I felt something weird in my left eye.

Huh. I thought. What’s that? It was like I had never had ocular herpes, iritis, or episcleritis before. I didn’t think anything of it. That’s a weird sensation, I thought. Probably something with my contacts.

The next morning, around 5:30am, as I was doing my morning writing, I thought, Oh, my eye is still bothering me,. Then, Oh, no! And I ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror. No signs of pink eye — wait, is this an autoimmune response?

Now, I am happy to report that five days later I am still not in a full-blown flare, but let me tell you, as one who has had several full-blown flares, that once I realized that this was a warning sign, I began taking steps.

Step one: Wear glasses. Vanity be damned.

Step two: Bathe the eye in sterile tears at least hourly. I was scheduled to go on a field trip that morning, so I scrounged around the house for every vial of sterile tears I could find. [Picture me on a college campus with 35 teens trying to find a place to discreetly administer eye drops.]

Step three: take Motrin. 800mg every 8 hours.

On that first day, these steps seemed to do the trick, so I got comfortable and ended up staying at the building until almost 5:30 again. It wasn’t until my phone reminded me that I was supposed to be in an online counseling session at 5:15 that I started planning my exit strategy, removing myself from a meeting, packing my things, and texting my therapist to tell her I would have to meet her via phone call.

I climbed in my car, got on the phone, took note of the growing pressure in my eye and made my confession: I am doing too much, pushing too hard, and my body is waving a warning flag.

And in her kindest way possible, she said, as she’s said many times before: What are you able to do to create some space so that you will be able to sustain this position?

I know all the things. I know to do all the things. I just get so excited about the possibilities of what we are doing that I start running at full speed forgetting that this is a marathon and not a sprint. I’ve gotta pace myself, plan my nourishment, utilize my support team, and visit the aid station.

I needed my therapist to point me to the review.

We are three weeks into school, and I find myself standing at my classroom door telling my students, “Good afternoon, grab your notebook and laptop.; get logged in, and…

They are beginning to interrupt me, “We got it, Mrs. Rathje. We’re already there.”

“Excellent,” I say, “that’s excellent.”

They are remembering what they need to do, and perhaps — for now — so am I.

if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding Proverbs 15:32

Camera Roll: Back to School

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 2 Comments

I wish I had a documentary film crew that had followed me over the last 30 plus days, because there is no way I can adequately communicate the amount of training, preparation, planning, sweat equity, and problem-solving I have witnessed and participated in to prepare for this the school year. Nor could I paint a full picture of the first interactions my team and I have had with our students as they have returned to our building over the last week. How could I ever show what I’ve seen with nuance and love and candor? And what is my point in doing so, anyway?

My point, I think, is that I want to both process what I’m experiencing and also share my experience — the ways that my lived reality continues to shape my thinking around education [and educational inequity] and how that thinking connects to my life as a believer in the power of the grace of God to transform lives.

The last thirty days or more has been powered by that belief. I didn’t return to work on July 31 to maintain the status quo. No. I returned with my leadership team a month before my students because this team actually has as one of its core values to be transformative. We all choose to stay with this organization because we believe that the status quo is perpetuating inequitable practices that limit the opportunities for our students and other students in communities across the country. We spent the past month reviewing the data from the past few years that shows us how far we have yet to go to close learning gaps caused by these inequities, situating ourselves within our teaching framework, building strong relationships with one another, and managing the unexpected.

I want to share a glimpse at the intentionality that goes into such work but also to show all the pivots that have to be made to function within and reform a structure that is inherently broken — kind of like trying to re-tool a machine that is continuously in production. The whole works can’t be shut down so that we can fix it. We’ve got to fix it while it’s running.

So I am going to scroll back through my mental camera roll and share a few images to show what this looks like.

In one shot, the teaching staff gathers on their first day together after the summer break. They are munching on breakfast snacks, hugging, laughing, sharing vacation stories, then finding their seats to hear network-wide updates: the fact that student phones will be “away for the day” — collected in the morning at arrival and returned to students right before dismissal — and the “new” dress expectations that students will wear school colors every day — a return to pre-Covid expectations with no hoodies, no hats, no pajama pants, no house shoes. Then, when the large group breaks into smaller teams, our high school teachers hear from our new principal who was once a teacher and then a coach in our building. She shares her vision for the school year — we will activate excellence in all that we do, holding ourselves and our students to a high bar from day one.

I’m seeing our staff show up the Thursday before school starts, many quite early in the morning, to put last minute touches on classrooms and hallways before families start arriving to pick up class schedules, sign up for transportation, obtain supplies and a free haircut, and reconnect with school life. Teachers call students by name, often running to wrap them in hugs. Students, in loud smiling groups, walk through the hallways, fist-bumping, hand-shaking, and laughing.

I’m picturing the hot, sticky day I showed up at our building almost a month ago, dressed fairly professionally because my principal and I were scheduled to interview a teaching candidate. We met to discuss which questions we each would ask and then chatted about other building-related issues while we waited. The time for the interview arrived and passed — still no candidate. Eventually, HR informed us that our candidate was no longer coming. This happened over and over this past summer. It would have been a mere frustration if we eventually found all the staff we needed to fill our classrooms. Unfortunately, it became a necessary pivot point when we realized we would start the school year three teachers short.

Pivot we did. In the last days before school started, we enlisted two ancillary staff to facilitate two classrooms where students will receive instruction in math and science via live online instruction over zoom. We also persuaded a paraprofessional to teach freshman English Language Arts each morning in the same classroom where I will teach two sections of senior ELA in the afternoon [in addition to my instructional coach duties]. In this way, all classrooms are “covered” until we can find certified teachers to add to our team.

The next shot in my camera roll is of students reluctantly turning in their phones in the morning (while some sneakily hide theirs on their person claiming, “I didn’t bring my phone today”).

Another is students struggling to know what to do with their hands, asking frequently what time it is, and clamoring to be first in line when the phones are returned at the end of the day.

In between those two scenes, I’m seeing students attend more to learning. I’m watching them find ways to talk to their classmates at lunch. I’m noticing frustration, resignation, and adaptation. And, I’m also noticing some who are not adapting — they are choosing to transfer to another school, to move to our self-paced online platform that will allow them to earn high school credits from home, or they are staying in the building and acting out. And we’re finding ways to manage each of those scenarios, too.

I’m seeing first-week fatigue — emotional outbursts, heads on desks, and students walking slowly to their busses at the end of the day, but I’m also seeing excitement — when the principal provides teachers with new t-shirts and free lunch on the first Friday, when the football team and cheerleaders wear jerseys for their first game, when the stands at the game are full of staff, students, and families [is it possible that they’ve never been this full before?]. I’m seeing our cheerleaders looking sharp and our team bringing home a win.

I’m remembering the one fight I heard in the hallway outside my room at the end of day two, but I’m also thinking about the three students who were brave enough to demonstrate their singing ability in my class while the rest of the room [instead of jeering or laughing] snapped and clapped along in support.

We aren’t fully staffed, we’ve got a busted up parking lot, lunch doesn’t always arrive on time, and next week our classrooms are going to be uncomfortably warm, but I’ve got a good feeling about this year — about the students who are showing up every day, about little [and big] moments of excellence, and about a front row seat to transformation.

I’ll try to share more snapshots with you along the way.

If you are interested in supporting the work that we do at Detroit Leadership Academy, check out my wishlist.

More than Voting

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

It’s been a politically charged few weeks — an assassination attempt on a former president followed by the Republican National Convention followed by the withdrawal of the current president from the presidential race followed by the nomination for president of the first women of color ever followed by the Democratic National Convention.

If you missed any of that, you certainly have not been on the Internet.

The country is fully engaged (at least virtually) in the conversation around who will be our next president. I’ve seen mentions on my social media streams supporting Trump, others supporting Harris, others bashing Trump, others bashing Harris. This seems to be the way we do politics in America now. It can leave a girl feeling a little icky, if I’m going to be honest.

I sat down the last two mornings with my journal to do some processing around where I am in this conversation and it turned into a recounting of where I started as a voter, where I am now, and why. When I finished with my journal, I intended to write a post called “Evolution of a Voter”, but before I did, I did a quick search of previous posts to see if I had ever written about voting, and boy was I shocked! Almost everything I had written in my journal yesterday and today I’d already written before the election in 2020, and I’d even called it “Evolution of a Voter”!

I read it through and thought, “wait, has my view expanded at all since that time? Has anything shifted further?”

And I think the main thing that has become more a part of my everyday life since 2020 is a deeper commitment to doing something.

For a long time, I was a citizen who voted. And, full-disclosure, I voted almost exclusively pro-life. Other than that, I carried on with my life not really making the connection between what I do with my time and my money and how those choices impacted those in my community. Politics seemed very removed from my daily reality. I voted in every regular election and typically even primaries, but I was not making intentional moves that aligned with my vote, other than to once a year attend a pro-life march in my community.

It was probably in my graduate studies from 2002-2004 when I began to question some of the choices I was making. I started to dig into my motives and to begin to understand the impact of my actions. For example, our decision to place our children in parochial schools was intended to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4), but an unintended consequence was that they were isolated from children from different backgrounds — not only religious, but socioeconomic, racial, and cultural. We wanted our children to be raised in the Christian faith, but we also wanted them to have a diverse group of friends. We wanted to have a diverse group of friends. Our choice to work for the church and send our children to a Christian school was keeping us in a silo, oblivious to the complexity around us.

Our move to St. Louis in 2004, where our children attended public schools — both in an affluent suburb and in the city of St. Louis itself — and also two parochial schools, and where I taught in the St. Louis Public Schools and then a racially diverse suburban Lutheran high school, exposed us all to more complexity — a broader view of the culture within which we lived. We regularly interacted with Christians, Jews, and people of other faiths or no faith tradition at all. We had friends, classmates, and colleagues who were white, Black, Hispanic, and Asian. We encountered people who were in the top 1% financially and those who struggled to feed themselves from day to day. Our church was attended mostly by white people who drove in from neighboring suburbs to the mostly Black neighborhood in which both our home and the church were situated.

Our ten years in St. Louis were transformative. If we had once been siloed, we no longer were. We regularly witnessed financial and racial disparity and the ways in which those disparities were tied to education, health care, crime, and the general quality of life.

That exposure and my current role teaching in Detroit and residing in Ypsilanti have broadened my view of the sanctity of life. If all life is holy, why are some lives devalued and others elevated? And why are those valuations tied to income, race, education, and gender? I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way I can continue to vote “PRO-life” is to get behind candidates that support ALL life.

Now, I hear some of you shouting at me, “What about the lives of the unborn? They can’t speak for themselves! We must speak for them!”

Well…

First, we must speak up for ALL of those whose voices cannot currently be heard — the orphan, the widow, the sojourner (Deuteronomy 14:29) — but also the immigrant, the child in foster care, the homeless, and the felons who are no longer able to vote.

But also, outlawing abortion doesn’t necessarily protect the unborn, in fact, since the Dobbs Decision which overturned Roe v. Wade, abortions in this country have actually increased (source). I suspect a better way to decrease the number of women who obtain abortions, 75% of whom are low income (source) is to do a better job of providing sex education, affordable (or free) mental health care, affordable (or free) child care, and other resources such as paid maternity leave.

If the goal is demonstrating that every life has value, perhaps simply voting pro-life isn’t the best strategy.

Maybe we need to go beyond voting to taking action. Some donate to a local food bank, to women’s shelters, or to pregnancy clinics, and that’s a great start! I wonder what is next. Are any of us committed enough to valuing the lives of others that we might be willing to advocate for policy change, to participate in a demonstration, or to write a member of congress? Even more, are we willing to engage with communities of need, to come alongside those who can’t find affordable housing, who struggle to put food on the table, or who can’t go to work because they can’t afford child care?

I’m wondering if we are willing to go beyond disparaging remarks on social media to actually doing something with our money, our time, and our lives.

I’m just wondering. I’m not doing a great job at the moment. I’m not really going out of my way.

I vote, of course, and we’re making contributions to support our preferred candidates and their initiatives, but I think its time to look for ways to increase my political engagement, my activism, my involvement in the community that might demonstrate my belief that ALL life is valuable.

It’s a little scary. Most things worth doing are.

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
    for the rights of all who are destitute. Proverbs 31:8

Ten Years Later #10, What World Do We Live In? Part 2

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

On Monday I wrote a post about inequity in schools. It’s not the first time. In the fall of 2020, I wrote a piece called “What World Are We Living In” when I first started commuting from Ann Arbor to Detroit to teach in a small charter school and began to daily witness the disparity between the two communities. In the spring of 2023, I wrote the following after a day spent in a suburban school district. I’m posting it again because I’ve spent the last three weeks facing the realities of life in my school — inadequate staffing, building issues, and a paucity of resources — and I feel compelled to share these realities and to call for change.

Last Wednesday, instead of driving to Detroit first thing in the morning, I drove to Oakland County to participate in a day of professional development along with a dozen other teachers who use the Adolescent Accelerated Reading Intervention. I’ve been using the program for a little over a semester with great results, but I have been aware that I might not be crossing all my t’s and dotting all my i’s. Having the opportunity to be a fly on the wall of two separate classrooms as other teachers implemented this intervention would hopefully help me see what I’ve been missing.

The beginning of my commute looked largely the same as it does on my daily trip to Detroit — interstate highway merging onto surface streets. However, I noted that while my regular route takes me past fast food, gas stations, minimarts, and older working class neighborhoods, this route into Oakland County took me past Starbucks, Trader Joes, and nicer restaurants before it led me through residential sections with large suburban homes. And then, when I took the final turn, I saw the school where I would begin the day.

It was a sprawling two-story building on a large piece of property surrounded by multiple well-lit and freshly-lined parking lots. I found a spot, grabbed my stuff, and made my way to the guest entrance at the front of the building. I approached a door, pushed a button, and looked into the camera before I was buzzed in to a glass-enclosed foyer.

There, a staff member looked me over and buzzed me through the second door. She knew why I was there and directed me to room “two-oh-something or other”.

“Which way is that?” I asked.

“Up those stairs and follow the signs.”

I walked up the open carpeted stairway in the expansive atrium to the second floor, also carpeted, and found the group of teachers already in conversation.

They sat in a semicircle in the [also] carpeted classroom. I found a seat in the back of the room in a bar stool height chair next to a tall table. The students had not yet arrived, and the teachers were discussing what was on the agenda for the class this day — one of the final steps of reading a book in the AARI program, mapping the text.

I heard the bell ring in the hallway, and the students started coming in, finding their resources in a strategically placed filing system, then making their way to the table where I was sitting. I relocated myself and began to observe.

Right away I noticed a t I hadn’t been crossing when I looked at the big piece of butcher paper where they had started their text map. My students and I had mapped our own text the day before, and it looked somewhat similar to, if noticeably messier than, the one I was looking at, but there was one big difference — ours was written all in black on white paper. The map in this classroom was color-coded to illustrate its organization — sections of the book written in sequential order were outlined in pink, those written in a compare/contrast format were outlined in green, etc. I mentally thunked my forehead with my palm and said, “the colors! why do I always forget the colors!” And then I noticed the posters hung on the wall in this spacious classroom. At both the front and the back of the room, the teacher had full-color posters representing each of the eight text structures. Oh, I’d like to have those, I thought. If I had full color posters in my classroom instead of the black-and-white print outs I have, I might remember to use the color coding system!

One teacher asked, “Where did you get the posters?”

“Oh, I just printed them on our poster printer!”

Oh, I thought, they have a poster printer.

The class functioned mostly as my class does. The teacher had seven students around the table; one was absent. I have ten on my roster right now; typically one is absent. She used the socratic questioning that I use, and her students engaged as much as mine do, if slightly more politely, but then again, when I had a guest in my room last semester, my students were on their A game, too.

The second building was a literal carbon copy of the first, down to the same double buzzered entryway and carpeted stairs. We gathered in a classroom that “isn’t currently being utilized” where we found flexible seating — restaurant like booths, chairs on wheels at tables, and the one I chose, a rocking pod-like chair, where I noticed I could quietly shift my weight and stay better engaged in the discussion we were having before our second observation. Wow, I thought, I have some students who would benefit from chairs like these.

When the bell rang, we walked down the hall where our second teacher met us at the door and invited us first into her classroom and then across the hall to another room that “isn’t currently being utilized” so that she and her students could map their text.

Like me, she had a projection system where she displayed a slide that she used for her gathering — the time when we engage with our students to set the climate and build community. Her students were seated, much like mine are, around the room at desks. The difference I saw was, again, the carpeted floor, the colorful text-structure posters, and stacks of resources in every corner of the room.

In the room across the hall, we again found flexible seating — bar-height chairs with optional attached desks, lower seats on wheels, and one other form of desk-like seating. Again, full-color posters on the wall illustrating each of the text structures and some key questions to ask during the AARI process.

The students again were on their A-game, and I wondered if that was the case every day, even when they didn’t have a dozen teacher-y observers. I mean, what would get in the way of their learning in an environment like this?

As I drove home, I continued wondering, why do these schools look so different from my school? Why do students in Oakland County walk into a brand spanking new building every morning, pick what kind of chair works best for them, experience the warmth of carpeting, the advantage of full-color visual aids, and, when it’s hot outside, the benefit of air conditioning, while my students just thirty minutes down the road are bussed onto a crumbling parking lot, walk into an aging building with an inadequate gym, some windows that open and some that don’t, no air conditioning, no rooms that “aren’t currently being utilized”, one seating option whether it is appealing or not, and a jillion other obstacles to learning on any given day.

Is it just a case of money?

I spent some time this morning trying to figure out Michigan’s formula for school funding that might explain this disparity — why one child’s experience is so different from another’s when they both reside in the same state. But guys, I don’t understand the model.

It’s complicated and based on per student funding from the state, property taxes, income taxes, and even cigarette taxes! Low-income (and underperforming) districts like mine are supposed to get supplemental funding from the state — which is earmarked, but historically not always allocated. And even when it is allocated, why are most Detroit schools in disrepair, lacking in resources, and understaffed when schools in higher income districts are well maintained, richly resourced, and fully staffed with high quality instructors?

Why do they get the cool rocking pod chairs and my students don’t?

Is it because those students deserve better?

No! All students deserve better! Yet these disparities continue to exist — for going on centuries now.

And why?

The simple answer is systemic racism — in education, yes, but also in real estate, in health care, in hiring, in so many sectors of our society. It’s the historical practice of separating those who have from those who don’t to ensure that those who have will always have and those that don’t never will. And the remedy is anything but simple. It begins with recognizing that selfishness and greed have created the structures in our country that enable some to have a lovely experience and to guarantee that others do not.

Now, if you are in the camp that thinks I am completely off base and that the difference in schools is sheer economics and not based in historical racism at all, I ask you why the establishment is so up in arms about our students learning African American history or looking at history through the lens of Critical Race Theory? If there is nothing there to see, why not let our kids take a look for themselves? Maybe you’d like to take a look for yourself. If so, I recommend you check out the 1619 Project* which is available through The New York Times, on Apple podcasts, or in video form on Hulu. And if you still think I’m out of my mind, come spend a day with me at my school. Get to know my students and decide for yourself if you think they deserve more.

Yes, I feel pretty strongly about this.

It probably won’t come as a surprise that my seniors and I just finished learning about systemic inequities in preparation for reading Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime, where we see through the lens of his experience the structural racism of Apartheid and how it impacted his childhood experience. We learned terms like unconscious bias, prejudice, racism, and systemic racism, and my students created posters to illustrate disparities in health care, generational wealth, criminal justice, and education.

When I returned to my students on Thursday and we started our class with a review of terms, I saw that not everyone understood that Apartheid was like the systemic racism we see in the US. In order to help them fully make the connection, I asked them to recall examples of where we experience inequities in our community. As they started to list them off, I told them about my experience in the Oakland Schools.

I wondered if it was necessary — to point out the details I had experienced. Would I be rubbing it in their faces?

But then I thought, Don’t they deserve to know what the experience of students 30 minutes away is like? especially as we prepare to read this book? especially since some of them are about to go to college and may study beside some of these very students who are walking carpeted hallways, sitting in rocking pods, and enjoying an air conditioned full-sized gym? (Let alone taking AP classes, music, and other electives we are unable to offer.)

I described what I had seen, and I could see their faces register the reality — the reality that their experience is not equal to the students I observed just 24 hours before.

“This is educational inequity,” I said. “It is one aspect of systemic racism. And why do you suppose it’s not easy to change?”

“Because,” one student answered, “it’s part of so many systems — not just education. And they don’t want it to change.”

“Who doesn’t want it to change?”

“The people in power.”

“Yes.” I gulped. “I suppose you are right. The people in power don’t want it to change.”

Pretty astute observation for a kid from Detroit? No. Kids from Detroit have this down, folks. They understand disparity; it’s the world they live in.

And the people in power can do something to change it. We are the people in power, my friends — people who vote, people in education, people in the church, white people — we can make choices that begin to make a difference for my students and their children and grandchildren. If we do nothing, this pattern will continue for more generations, and we shouldn’t be ok with that.

It’s not enough to fight for what’s best for our kids; we have to do what’s best for all kids.

As we established in my last post, I have “an insufferable belief in restoration.” The first step in restoration is acknowledging that our stuff is broken down, dilapidated, and no longer working, so I’m gonna keep talking about what’s broken to those who have the power and resources to fix it.

I hope you’ll start talking (and doing something) about it, too.


Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. Proverbs 3:27

*The 1619 Project is one of many places to start learning about historical systemic racism in the United States. For a list of other resources check out Harvard’s Racial Justice, Racial Equity, and Antiracism Reading List.

**You can support underfunded schools wherever you live, but if you’d like to support mine, here is my current wish list

***Since the first time I posted this, someone donated the funds to pay for full-color posters for my classroom.

Thank you for reading!.

Inequitable Education

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 3 Comments

Across the country, students are returning to school. My social media feeds are beginning to fill with first day pics of kids (including my own granddaughters) in new clothes and bright smiles, ready to launch into another year.

And teachers, like me, are putting last touches on their classrooms — arranging desks, putting up posters, checking supplies– and preparing to share the school year with their students.

And what will that experience look like? It varies widely. All American schools are not created equal.

Some students are born into families who have the means to spend any dollar amount on their children’s education. These students might find themself on brick and ivy campuses wearing plaid uniforms with jackets. They might spend their mornings with highly qualified teachers in experiential labs mixing chemicals or gathering eggs from the campus micro-farm. They might dine on one of many selections prepared by the campus chef for lunch, then work in an outdoor creative writing space before moving to the art studio for some time throwing pots. After the final bell, they can choose to dabble in fencing, interpretive dance, Japanese club, or any of dozens of other extracurricular choices. They can certainly count on an air conditioned ride home at the end of the day.

Many students have parents who send their children to public schools in districts with a strong tax base — the kind of areas that realtors refer to while driving their clients around looking at homes, saying “Oh, the schools here are excellent!” In these schools, students stream in by car or bus, walk through clean, well-lit and spacious hallways, and choose from a variety of electives taught by certified teachers — multicultural literature, environmental science, personal fitness, or Chinese. Further, they can enroll in cooperative programs such as cosmetology, auto mechanics, or computer-aided design, and choose from a variety of lunch options — pizza, salad bar, sandwich station, or hot entree. After school, they might participate in any number of pursuits — chess club, soccer, swimming, musical theater, or the model UN, and then catch a bus or ride home with their parents or friends.

This is America, after all, where the children are our future, where we provide the best education possible, where the sky is the limit — unless you are poor, or live in a less than desirable area.

In that case, you might experience school differently. You might wait for a bus that arrives late or not at all. You might then walk a mile or so to get to school or, more likely, walk the few blocks back home and simply crawl back into bed. If you do arrive at school, you will probably walk through a metal detector, have your bags examined, and then wait in a common area. In that space you will have access to a free breakfast, if you call a cold bagel and a packet of cream cheese breakfast. When the bell rings, you will be released into the building to find teachers of varying skill and experience, some trained and certified, some not, who have been assigned to teach the classes required for you to earn a high school diploma — English Language Arts, physical education, financial literacy, and United States History. Your schedule has been pre-built for you, because there isn’t the funding or staffing for enough electives to provide a choice. You get what you get, and you have learned to not throw a fit. You assume this is just the way it is, because you have no idea what students are experiencing just a few miles down the road — it couldn’t be possible that just one zip code over you could be choosing African American literature instead of the standard ELA III that everyone at your school takes. Surely that kid you sometimes run into at the mall doesn’t have a different lunch than the lukewarm burger and fries you were just served in your gym/lunch room.

I mean, how would you feel if you knew that not every school has a parking lot with a huge crater in the middle that has flooded into a lake for the past four school years? What conclusions would you draw if you knew that not every school has inoperable windows in every classroom or that some schools have air conditioning? How would you process the reality that for many students in America, having a fully-staffed building is just…normal?

I know how I feel about it. I feel angry.

Every time I pull into the parking lot, I have to dissociate just a bit so that I don’t go off on a rant about the crumbling asphalt beneath my feet. Each morning, I shake my head when I see the tax-payer provided “meal” such as a Fruity Pebbles bar and a child-sized juice box. Daily, I ignore the window in my classroom with “do not open” written on a piece of notebook paper that’s affixed to it with Scotch tape. I have to look past all these realities because I have to convey to my students that they are valuable, worthy, and full of potential even when their physical space is telling them differently.

I don’t fault my administration or our school network. They are working their asses off to provide instruction that is trauma-informed, culturally responsive, and well-prepared inside of a system that is, at its heart, inequitable.They are doing everything they can to find teachers, but that is difficult when schools like mine are stigmatized as unsafe, failing, or insufficient because they exist inside of contexts that have been historically underfunded, underserved, under-resourced, understaffed, and undervalued.

How can this be in a country that pays lip-service to the credo that “all men are created equal”? How can teenagers growing up in neighboring counties have such vastly different experiences? How do we let this continue? How can we hope for a better future for our children if we allow these inequities to persist?

The way things stand, wealth begets wealth and poverty begets poverty. Those students with the best resources will matriculate to the best post-secondary programs followed by the best job opportunities. Students with a substandard experience will go on to less than stellar programs and be afforded less impressive opportunities.

Nothing will change until something changes.

I know, I know, you’ve heard all this from me before.

And, if you continue to spend time with me or my blog, you’ll hear it again.

I will continue drawing attention to these inequities until those who have the power and means to do something about it — do something.

Many of you partner with me by providing snacks and needed supplies for my students. Please, continue to do that — you are making a tangible difference in the lives of the small group of students that I interact with each day.

Also, please, please, look around you. Where do you see similar inequities in your community? How can your voice, your vote, your labor, your dollars make a broader impact?

It is very easy to look past inequity, but we must begin to turn our eyes directly at it. We must see how devastating it is to the people it impacts, and those of us who are able must act. Period.

I don’t see an easy solution to the systemic inequities in our country, but I do know there will be no solution until we are willing to admit that we could do much better. We can, and we must.

do justice, love mercy, walk humbly (Micah 6:8)

10 Years Later, #9 Transformation Ready

Featured ~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

I wrote this post almost two years ago when I was preparing to go back to school. It’s good to remember the why behind the intentionality in our instructional model as I transition into the new role that I wrote about in my last post. As I begin to support teachers in their classrooms, I want to remember to articulate how important each strategy is and why.

Over the past week I’ve participated in quite a bit of professional development with the other members of my team. The main focus has been on the brain science behind trauma-informed instruction. We are using a book called Culturally Responsive Teaching and the Brain to learn the why behind some of the strategies we use in our school. A guiding principle in our community is that a large number of our students have experienced trauma or adverse childhood experiences (ACES). Our population is predominantly students of color who qualify for free or reduced breakfast and lunch and who live in the Detroit metropolitan area. Many have experienced racism, poverty, and various other traumas, but even if they hadn’t before 2020, they have certainly experienced trauma (loss of schooling, loss of family members, financial hardship, etc.) because of Covid. Because we know this about the students we serve, our network of schools uses a whole suite of practices that fall under the umbrella of trauma-informed instruction.

We understood from this week’s training that the brain’s ability to think and process information can be interrupted if it feels the body is in physical or emotional danger or if it doesn’t feel a sense of belonging in a community. Brain science teaches us that the brain stem is continuously searching for danger; if danger is perceived, all of its energy goes to reducing the threat through actions many of us know as fight, flight, freeze or appease. So, before we can hope to build community or engage our students in learning, we must first create a space that is safe, predictable, and consistent.

Slide from Champion Education Network, Summer Summit 2022

With that in mind, we have always emphasized common building norms and expectations such as teachers standing at our thresholds to greet students, having a strategically arranged classroom, and using consistent instructional practices such as Do Nows, Exit Tickets, and other practices of the No-Nonsense Nurturer model. We also use the first week of school to set culture and behavioral norms across all classrooms through common slide decks that the instructional coaches and I have prepared for use by ALL teachers. The first period that students are in the building, ALL teachers and students will review the same community guidelines which are focused on ensuring our students that they are safe in our school. The second period that students are in the building, ALL teachers and students will review a second slide deck that communicates school-wide behavioral expectations which focus on ensuring our students that they are partners in keeping our school threat-free for all. Throughout the first week, teachers will ALL play community-building games and review classroom systems that they will use throughout the school year so that students, who are hopefully beginning to feel safe, can begin to feel engaged within their classrooms.

That’s the second function of the brain, the limbic system’s focus on finding relationships and belonging, also a prerequisite for learning. Our network, with the understanding that the highest functions of cognition cannot happen until students’ safety and belongingness needs are met, has initiated the school-wide adoption of a social-emotional learning curriculum that was piloted last year. This program, Character Strong will be used in every classroom every Wednesday. Its content focuses on self-awareness, goal-setting, and community building. The hope is that the more safe, the more connected, the more self-aware our students feel, the better they will be able to engage with rigorous curriculum.

And they do need curriculum! Our standardized test data from last year is not great — I’m not sure that anyone’s is post-Covid! This makes sense! The whole world was collectively in survival mode — our brain stems were at high alert!! It’s no wonder we suffered socially and academically — we were all collectively fighting, flighting, freezing, and appeasing ourselves into a tizzy! This is evidenced by the ways that we treated each other — not as the collective that we are, not as members belonging to each other, but as freaked out individuals trying to scratch our ways to survival.

But guys, it’s time to return to our right minds, and the only we can do that that is by taking actions that remind ourselves (and our brain stems) that we are safe, held, loved, supported and part of a community.

In my classroom, that looks like order and predictability. It looks like standing at my door each morning, greeting each student by name, smiling, and tracking their language (verbal and non-verbal) so that I can attend to any signs of distress and minimize any further triggers. It also looks like an orderly room. I have desks facing one direction; seats will be assigned, but those assignments are flexible based on student feedback. Everyone has adequate space, all can see the screen where I project the goals and content for the day and the white board where I display my students’ learning data so that they can track their progress. We track this progress as a whole class — where are we together? what do we need to do so that all of us can succeed together? We set goals together; we work together; we celebrate together. We are a community.

In my personal life, it looks like continuing my practices of healthy eating, regular exercise, and plenty of physical and mental self care and adding community practices such as a ride-share with a colleague, which will ease the driving burden for both of us and provide time for building relationship in our 25-minute drive each day. We will both have heavy loads at work, so we are intentionally building in support because we are caring for ourselves while caring for each other.

As we move through the fall, using these safety and community-building practices, we will increasingly become available for academic challenge. After learning about brain science and viewing our student data, I identified a couple areas of focus for this year. I will, with everyone, focus in those first two weeks to build safety and community so that I can increase the rigor of instruction and the independence and agency of my learners. I met with my instructional coach (everyone in our building has a coach!) who agreed with my goals and to thought-partnering, challenging, and supporting me as I work toward them. I am very excited about this partnership.

Some teachers I know go back to their classrooms two days before school starts. They arrange their rooms, they make a seating chart, they pull out supplies, and that is enough for them to feel ready. That is not me.

I need every minute of the past week and the coming week to fully shift my mind from the relaxation and freedom of summer to the intentionality and rigor of the school year. I need to remember the traumas my students have endured; I need to be mindful of how my attitude can make or break the culture of my classroom; I need to remember the importance of every moment of instruction and the potential impact it might have on the futures of my students.

My principal says — and she’s dead serious — “We are saving lives here, team.” We are the potential last educational stop for many of our students. What we do and how we act can change or solidify the trajectory of our students’ futures. Our practices, our climate, our culture might just create the safe space in which our students can try to trust, begin to believe, and turn toward a life of transformation — one for themselves, but also one that impacts everyone they touch.

And isn’t that the most powerful thing we can give one another — the space, the safety, the confidence, the support, and the encouragement to be transformed?

I am looking forward to transforming right along with my students.

be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

**I have an ongoing wishlist. If you’d like to support my students check it out here.

10 Years Later, #8 Prepared for What’s Next

Featured ~ Kristin ~ 3 Comments

I wrote this post four years ago, in July 2020, just a few months into the pandemic. It’s the first in a series of five posts that chronicle my decision to return to the classroom after six years away. I’m posting it again now, to affirm that the passion I felt in that season remains strong today. I am getting ready for another, less dramatic, transition, and in the spirit of this 10th year of writing this blog, I’m looking back to remind myself how far I’ve come and to celebrate some wins in the hope that that energy will carry me forward.

*Warning, there’s a teaser at the end of this post to get you to keep reading, so I will put links to the following four posts at the end.

Six years ago this week, I said goodbye to my classroom in St. Louis. I was depleted and sick, and I was certain that I would never have a classroom again.

I’d been struggling with joint pain, systemic inflammation, and fatigue for a year and half — I had difficulty making it through a school day, let alone driving home at night. When I arrived home, I would plunk on the couch or in my bed and accomplish little else until I had to drag myself back to school the next day.

It was a difficult time. Our family had long been experiencing trauma that began with a drastic change in lifestyle caused by a geographical relocation during which my husband went to grad school and I began teaching full time. Our children entered a totally new culture with inadequate support from their parents who were doing their best to fill the demands of the new roles they had assumed. In the years after that major change, our family felt the first hand effects of bullying, social class disparity, eating disorder, depression, anxiety, and sexual assault. All the while, I just kept producing lesson plans, grading papers, and bringing my best to the classroom day after day after day.

Finally my body had had enough. If I wouldn’t sit down of my own free will and assess the damages, mourn the losses, and begin to soothe the hurts, my body would simply crash. And crash it did.

And when, in the midst of that crash, my husband took a new position in Michigan, my medical team suggested that rather than jump right into something else, I should take six months to rest.

Rest. Period.

So I did. I came here to his little house by the river near the end of a beautiful Michigan summer. I took long walks in the park, read books, watched too much TV, put together puzzles, organized and re-organized, and rested.

I didn’t prepare any lessons or grade any papers, but I did begin to write. It was during that period, six years ago, that I began this blog. In the beginning, I wrote every single day as though my life depended on it. In some ways, it did. I had to reacquaint myself with my internal life, had to start hearing my voice, had to start listening to what was happening in my innermost places.

I wrote about my illness, I wrote about coming back to Michigan, I wrote about loss. Many of my posts were a reflection of a renewed commitment to my faith journey, which had also been relegated to survival mode during what I’ve come to call the soldiering years.

It was my writing that started the healing, and through it I chronicled the other steps I began to take — exercise, dietary changes, building community, therapy, and myriad medical and peri-medical approaches like yoga, massage, and homeopathy. I wrote about the ups and the downs — the days when I felt strong and the days that I crashed. I’ve written about victories and grief, sorrows and joy.

And all the while I’ve been healing, and I’ve been preparing for what’s next.

I’ve often told my children and my students that all of life is preparing you for what’s next. Crawling prepares us for walking; school (at least in theory) prepares us for work. Warm-ups prepare you for exercise; practicing scales prepares you to make music. All of life’s experiences are preparing us for the experiences that are yet to come.

Before we moved to St. Louis, I completed my Master’s degree in English education which prepared me to take the position I held at Lutheran North for nine years. Before I met my husband, who had experienced divorce, I had had my own experience as a child of divorce which gave me empathy and prepared me for my role as a stepmother. God has a way of weaving our life experiences together, like a Master teacher, layering lesson upon lesson so that we are always equipped for what comes next.

It about killed me to wait six months to find a job, and I will confess that at about month four or five, I took a proofreading job for a guy working on his master’s in education. His research resonated with my heart for equity, and I loved speaking into his ideas. The feedback I got from that small job gave me the confidence to promote myself as a private tutor where I supported students who struggled with English — reading, writing, speaking.

Many of these students were English Language Learners or were raised in two-language homes, so they needed support with the nuances of English grammar. In order to meet their needs, I became much stronger in my ability to articulate the rules of sentence composition, the parts of speech, and the role of punctuation. This came in very handy when I found myself teaching a developmental composition course at Concordia University — a part-time gig — where I helped freshmen become more comfortable with writing paragraphs and essays.

After I’d been tutoring for a while, I randomly found a job posting on Craigslist to be a ‘tutor’ at Lindamood-Bell. That ‘tutoring’ position tutored me. It allowed me to start part-time while I continued to experiment with treatments for what was once called psoriatic arthritis but which I now refer to as ‘unspecified autoimmunity’. It gave me opportunities for advancement when I felt (and even when I didn’t feel) that I was ready. It challenged me, it stretched me, and it reminded me of the mettle within me that carried me through nine years of teaching high school juniors and seniors. By meeting with students one-on-one, by utilizing a variety of online materials and platforms, by writing instructional plans, by following instructional design, by mentoring other instructors, and by supporting my colleagues, I have been prepared for what’s next.

While I was tutoring, then teaching at the university, then working at Lindamood-Bell, my health slowly improved. As is chronicled in this blog, I have found the best health I’ve experienced in years through specific dietary choices, daily yoga and walking, weekly visits alternating between chiropractic care and physical therapy, monthly Hellerwork appointments, and twice yearly pain injections. I’m healthy, strong, and ready for what’s next.

This whole past six years has been preparing me for what’s next — first the pause, then the dabbling in tutoring and adjunct instruction, then a full-time job with ever-increasing responsibility.

So what’s next?

Could it be that God is planning to use everything I’ve been learning over this six year period of healing and growth in a position that is focused on educational equity — my long-time passion? Is God that good?

He’s that good; it’s almost as if He’d had it planned the whole time.

I’ll tell you more about that in my next blog post.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

If you’d like to read “the rest of the story,” I’ve included links below.

Changing Course, pt. 2

Changing Course, pt. 3

Changing Course, pt. 4

Changing Course, pt. 5