About a month ago I read a book given to me by a pastor friend. I mentioned it in the post, “Praying for Healing.” I was wrestling with the conflict between believing that God can heal me and being content with my current state. I still am, but some shift has happened.
First, I have begun to pray more consistently for my healing. In those prayers, I have imagined what it might look like if I were fully restored to the health that I had just over three years ago. It would be amazing.
Second, I went to my rheumatologist who has declared that my malady is not psoriatic arthritis, but fibromyalgia. She has been saying this for a year, but this time she was more insistent. In fact, her recommendation is that I go to a primary care physician who can prescribe medication to manage my pain. She doesn’t need to see me any more; I just need to accept this diagnosis. Period.
Third, I consulted with my primary care physician, who specializes in integrative medicine. She believes that I can feel better than I do. She believes that I will one day have a regular schedule again.
So, as any rational person would do, I decided to ignore the rheumatologist. I am not going to see her any more. Instead, I am stepping up the treatments suggested by my PCP. And, oh yeah, I’ve been praying. For improved health. For complete healing of my body, mind, and spirit. For an understanding of the pace that will work for me.
For the past month or so, my integrative medicine doc has been prescribing some homeopathic interventions. They are weird. Small tiny pellets that look like the interior of a vintage bean bag come in a small brown bottle. You put 3-5 of these pellets under your tongue, as directed. That’s all. Oh, and you can’t drink coffee. Tea is fine, but something in the coffee renders the homeopathic remedies ineffective.
And here’s the thing about homeopathic remedies — sometimes they cause a mild flare before they improve health. And, guess what. They did. I was on one of the remedies for just a few days when I had a recurrence of the ocular herpes that I contracted about a year ago. It was miserable. I had to see my ophthalmologist and get an antiviral to get it under control. Also, I have had a slow simmer of psoriasis for most of the time that I have been on these treatments.
However, here’s the good news. I am noticing an increase in energy. Now, granted, I did just change jobs, so I might be flying on adrenaline. I did just reduce my hours, so I might not be as exhausted. But, I am pretty sure this is legit improvement. I mean, anyone with chronic illness will tell you that the overwhelming fatigue you feel on a daily basis is not something that can just be disguised by excitement or adrenaline. I have been so exhausted for the past three years that I have been barely able to see to drive home at night. I have had difficulty forming complete thoughts or sentences after dinner. I have hardly been able to walk into the house at the end of the day. But guys, this week I have started a new position. I have met new students and remembered their names. I have helped my daughter load up all her belongings for a cross country move. I have hosted dinner guests. And, I have stayed up late at night to blog, to read, and to manage family details.
It’s something. I’m hopeful. And for even this small improvement, I am thankful.
Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
Psalm 108: 1-4