In the storm

It happened again.  Just when I needed it to.

I’ve been living inside a bit of an internal storm — dealing with some decades-old issues inside of my head. This storm has had me tossing and turning at night and carrying excess stress and pain during the days.  In fact, for the first time since December, I am experiencing an auto-immune flare.  I am attributing all of the symptoms — pain, fatigue, and inflammation —  to this internal storm.  The mind and the body are interwoven.

Now, if you know me, or live near me, you may or may not be aware of the storm.  You may be able to see the cloudiness in my eyes, unless of course you see me at times when I have drawn the shutters.  You may have seen me trudging along in my boots with head bent against the assailing wind.  You may be able to see that I have boarded up some windows, and taken my defensive stance against this storm.

So this morning, jaw set and coat wrapped tightly around me, I obediently, but with suspicion, opened my Sermon on the Mount Bible study. Today’s Scripture:

Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.

Matthew 7:24-25

In my defensive stance, I said, “Yeah, yeah, rock…sand…storms…whatever.”

I prepared for my students this afternoon.  I vacuumed the carpet.  I responded to a few emails.  Then, I decided to work through the Whispers of Hope: 10 Weeks of Devotional Prayer study for today.  The Scripture for today:

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.

He alone is my rock and my salvation; I shall not be greatly shaken…

my mighty rock, my refuge, is God

Psalm 62:1-2, 6

And that’s when it happened.  My defenses dropped.  I pulled back the blinds just a little…just enough to peek out and see the Rock sitting under my house.  The freezing rain and forceful winds were doing their best, but the Rock remained immovable.  Unshakable.  And for just that moment, I breathed in and out.  My muscles relaxed just a bit.  I loosened my coat, took off my hat, and noticed that my Rock is holding me in the palm of His hand.

I’m going to sit in this moment for a bit.  Let the storm blow.  I will not be greatly shaken.

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