During this time of transition, my husband and I are visiting many churches — some of them because he is speaking there, others because we want to get to know the area and find a church home, and still others because we want to learn where those we are serving with are worshiping. Today was option three.
We worshiped with one of my husband’s coworkers at an area church that is focused on outreach — they are very intentional about connecting with the community in very tangible ways. Pretty cool place.
The message today was centered on how to have love that lasts — sure, marital love, but also love between friends, between parent and child, etc.
I will take a short commercial break to let you know that my husband and I, along with a half-dozen other couples, were asked to stand in the aisles of the church and dance. It’s not what you think…the pastor had all the married couples stand like they often do at weddings. Then he asked those who had been married five years or more to remain standing, then those who were married ten years or more, etc. Finally, all the couples who were married more than twenty-three years were invited into the aisles. Music was played. The couples danced, and then were invited to sit as the years ticked on. You know the drill. The final couple standing had been married forty-three years! What a blessing!
The pastor then suggested three methods for planning for a ‘love that will last’.
- Worship God
- Work on yourself
- Serve your spouse
Three steps. Should be easy, right? Read them again. Not so easy.
However, I have to say that after twenty-four years of marriage I have to agree with his strategy. Although we are flawed human beings who have not always put God first in our lives, we did marry with the intent of serving God together. I believe that this foundation is the sole reason that we are still together after all these years. It hasn’t all been a walk in the park. There have been some (very) difficult days, weeks, months, and even years. The grace of God coupled with our commitment from the beginning to hang in there, no matter what, has held us together.
Now, I may have started this marriage thinking that both of us were perfect and that we were perfect for each other, but I have since faced reality. I will admit that I noticed his flaws before my own. Shocking, I know. But I remember quite clearly one day, in a living room with sculpted brown carpeting, when I was very upset with my husband. He had the audacity to suggest that he was not the one who would ever make me happy. What? Well, then, why in the world did I marry him? Amidst my fussing and fuming, he reminded me that the only one who would truly bring me contentment would be God, since He is the only one who is not selfish or flawed. Well, then.
It may have been about that time that I began to look in the mirror. Small glances at first. A lot needed to be addressed; it would take a life time. I’m still working on it.
As far as the third area that the pastor suggested, I must say that my husband has always been better at serving me than I am him. In fact, it began on the night that he proposed to me. He washed my feet, yes, literally washed my feet with a basin and a towel, and then told me that he wanted to serve me for the rest of our lives. And, so far, he has done that. Even during the ugly times, he has put me, and the children before himself. He has gone without to make sure that we wouldn’t have to. He has stayed up late and gotten up early to make sure that we could all sleep as much as we needed. He has worked his tail off to provide for us. But most importantly, he has served us by serving God first. We haven’t all always appreciated that, but it was precisely the right thing to do.
I don’t know if I will ever be as much of a servant to him as he has been to me. I still get distracted by protecting myself, you know, kicking butts and taking names. But, it is getting easier all the time to take care of him, especially when I realize how well cared-for I have been.
This morning was a good reminder of how blessed we have been. I am glad that we have this grace period to pause and take stock. We are rich to have a love that lasts.
Matthew 19:6
…what God has joined together, let no one separate.
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