With all the bravado that’s been oozing from my blog the last couple of days, I was bound to be challenged. A friend posted on my Facebook page ’21 Actual Analogies used by high school students in English essays’ and commented ‘any chance you can string a few together in your next blog?’ Now I realize she was probably joking, but I can’t just let a challenge pass me by, can I?
Besides, I am due for a little fun. Life can’t be all about battles, and transitions, and illness, and such. We do need to laugh.
I actually love to laugh, and I have been told on numerous occasions that I have a rather loud, obnoxious laugh, one that makes my children blush when they can hear it across a crowded room. However, It has never been described as, a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up*.
I have been told on several occasions, though, to quiet down; I shouldn’t laugh so loud. But what am I supposed to do, hold my laughter in? No can do. I love that feeling of laughing until I can’t breathe. So, I’m sorry if I am embarrassing you, or making you uncomfortable, I can’t hold it in or Joy [would fill my] heart like a silent but deadly fart fills a room with no windows*. (I am not making these up.) My kids always said the silent-but-deadlies were the worst.
Speaking of farts, not really, just kidding.
I can see the assignment now, “Write a five-paragraph essay using the strategies you have learned for using similes and metaphors. Include at least three analogies in your essay.” I can imagine the students staring at their blank screens, scratching their heads, coming up with gems like, [I] was confused; as confused as a homeless man on house arrest*. Or, The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object*. The poor teacher. She had written her plan, crafted her assignment. They had practiced, they had done in-class exercises. They had seen numerous examples in that catchy YouTube video. But still, her students were coming up with stuff like, The sun was below the horizon, like a diabetic grandma easing into a warm salt bath*. (Ok, you gotta admit, that one did create a pretty graphic mental picture.)
Aren’t words fun? The reason I am not a very good English teacher is because if my students wrote analogies like these, I would be laughing so hard, I would forget to teach them that the tone of their image has to match the tone of their message. It should not create tension like this: Their love burned with the intensity of a urinary tract infection*. I should, in the classroom, say something like, “The intensity of love has positive connotations while a urinary tract infection has negative connotations. Using an analogy like this creates dissonance, boys and girls. Our analogies should create consonance, agreement, harmony.” But instead, I would be laughing as hard as someone who is about to become a spokesman for Poise pads. (Yeah, that one’s mine.) I wouldn’t be able to pull myself together enough to give the true meat of the lesson.
But we would have fun. And we sure had fun.
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter,
and your lips with shouts of joy.
*All bold statements are lifted from the original post my friend shared with me.