Tag: Christian LIving

My life is an object lesson

~ Kristin ~ 2 Comments

The to-do list is kinda long today.  And, I kinda feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.  It wouldn’t be terrible to crawl right back into bed and read the Jodi Picoult book that I started on Monday.  But, I have been putting off a few things.  I’ve been busy socializing!  So, whether or not I feel up to it, the list has to be attended to today.

I never know when one of these days is going to sneak up on me.  Since I discontinued one of my medications at the end of August, I have actually been doing ok.  I have had a few rough days, a few days when I had to slow down, but for the most part I have done pretty well.  I had almost convinced myself that, you know, I don’t really have an auto-immune disease.  You know, maybe it was all in my head.  Maybe I should, you know, apply for some of those holiday jobs that are being advertised on TV.

Come on, I tell myself, anyone who looks at you can see that you are doing just fine!  You go to the gym, for Pete’s sake.  You look good, girl.  (Just get a different haircut, would you? Justin Bieber has that look trademarked.) Stop your bellyaching and get over it!  It’s the old Kristin way — buck up, take care of this, kick some butts, take some names. I got this!  Exercise, adjust the diet, add the correct supplements, and bam — healed.

And then, I end up on ice. I am doing all the right things and still, it’s not enough. I cannot control this on my own.  

My life is an object lesson. I am a very slow learner.

I cannot do this on my own.  Sure, it’s great to exercise, eat all the right foods, take all the vitamins, blah, blah, blah.  But ultimately, my health is not in my hands. Is it?  If I had a dollar for every time I have written in this blog that ‘I am sitting in the palm of His hand,’  I would no longer even be thinking about looking for employment.  And yet, I still forget and get into my ‘I got this!’ mode.

Now, I am not saying I believe that God gives me the smack-down and puts me on ice to teach me a lesson.  But, let’s be honest, I need a lesson.  If I was my teacher, I would be very frustrated with me.  I actually think God has lifted his hand, with me in it, up close to his face so that he can verify that “Yup, she’s really doing it again.”  And he lovingly smiles and shakes his head and watches while I pull the ice packs out of the freezer and slow myself down enough to say, “I see you.  I hear you.  I do not have this.  You have me.”

So, I’m sitting on ice, looking at my list, getting ready to scratch off one item at a time and try to listen to the still small voice so that I will know when it is time to crawl back into bed with my book and be still and know that He is God and that I am still sitting in the palm of His hand.

Luke 4:40

…all those who had any who were sick with various diseases brought them to Him,

and laying His hands on each one of them, He was healing them.

Hope does not disappoint

~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

So many thoughts in my head this morning.  It’s like I can see words swirling all around inside of my brain and the one that sticks out the most is hope. 

Now, as one who has been tossed about in the sea of depression on and off for most of life, hope is the flotation device that I cling to.  When hope gets submerged, I start to sink.

Had enough of my analogy?  Ok, I will leave it alone for a moment.

Why am I thinking about hope this morning?  I’m not entirely sure, so let’s look back over the last couple of days.  Let’s have a little Story time with Mrs. Rathje.

On Friday afternoon, my husband and I drove to my hometown in the ‘geographical center of lower Michigan’ to attend the homecoming parade and football game. We parked the car behind a shop at one end of the main drag and walked through a swarm (ok, it’s a small town, but for St. Louis, Michigan, it was a swarm) of people toward the restaurant/bar where some of my high school classmates had planned to meet.  When I was in high school, I thought I knew everybody in this town of 4,000 people, but walking through the crowd, I didn’t recognize anyone.  In fact, I told my husband that my fear was that someone would recognize me and I would not recognize them at all.  I mean, I did graduate (gasp) thirty years ago. But before I knew it, I saw a face I recognized.  I said his name, and he immediately hugged me.  I said, “I’m Kristin Rathje, I mean Kristin Kolb!”  He said, “I know who you are!”

Isn’t that something? This guy and I weren’t best friends in school.  We really didn’t even run in the same circle, but we knew each other.  We went to middle school and high school together.  We had a shared experience, and those words, “I know who you are!” were so powerful to me.

As I left his embrace and turned to enter the bar, another former classmate stepped through the door and said, “Hey, that’s who I was looking for!” He hugged me, too, introduced me to his kids, and chatted for a few moments.  Guys, I had not seen this man in thirty years and he was looking for me!

Now let’s take a little trip back in time and meet high school aged Kristin.  I was voted ‘moodiest’ for the yearbook superlatives.  No, I am not kidding.  I was on an emotional roller coaster most of my childhood and even into adulthood.  I was grasping through most of those years at hope, but it was eluding me.  I could see it bobbing in the distance, and I was reaching for it, but I just couldn’t grasp it.  So, what did I do?  I flailed about, grasping at other things, and yelled when I couldn’t reach them, or when they let me down.  I was not entirely pleasant to be around.  I was demanding, emotional, and unpredictable.

So, why, on Friday night, did I meet so many people who were willing to hug me? to smile? to welcome me?  

We were watching the parade and one of my best buddies from high school snuck up behind me like he always did in high school and tried to startle me!  Just like old times!  We hugged, he pointed out the children of school mates in the parade, and made me laugh.  Later, my best friend from high school and her best guy, also a classmate, joined us.  It was one reunion after another.  With a dozen or more of us around a table, I didn’t stop smiling for hours.

It was like their memories were clouded and they didn’t remember the bad stuff. They only remembered the good. They didn’t remember my bad days, they remembered our connection, our relationship, our shared experience.  No matter how long it had been, I belonged.

This morning I was reading my Bible study, and we were focused on I Thessalonians 4:13 where Paul says, “we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.” Now, I realize that Paul was talking about people who have died, ‘those who are asleep’, and that is not lost on me since my good friend, Twila, finished her fight with cancer last week.  I am grieving because she is no longer here, and because I haven’t seen her in so long, and because I didn’t get to properly tell her how much she meant to me. But, I do have hope.  I am confident that Twila was reunited with Jesus, and her parents, and all the hospice patients that she cared for.  I am confident that she walked through the swarm only to be embraced by friends she hadn’t seen in years who said, “I know who you are!”  or “That’s who I was looking for!”  They didn’t remember any human shortcoming or flaw, they just knew she belonged.

And I know that one day, after many more earthly reunions with those who I have connected with throughout my life, I too, will find my way through the crowds of heaven to be embraced by my grandparents, Twila, and Jesus.  They will say, “We’ve been waiting for you to get here.”

Thanks to my St. Louis High School classmates for giving me a taste of that this weekend.  It gave me a tangible picture of hope and reminded me of how blessed I am.

Psalm 146:5

How blessed is [s]he whose help is the God of Jacob,

whose hope is in the Lord his God.

Shift Happens in the Grace Period

~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

So, I do realize, as you may have been wondering, that this grace period is not just a time for me to go out to lunch and chat with friends.  That is a bonus, to be sure, but also, a shift is happening.

I am slowing down.  I had previously underestimated the value of slowing down.  I have been known for being ‘on a mission’.  At the high school where I taught, before I had to give up my heels, my students claimed they could hear me coming down the hall and identify me by my cadence.  I moved, people.  In the five minutes between bells I could descend two flights of stairs, traverse two hallways, use the restroom, make twenty-five copies, and still make it back to my class before my students. I might communicate with ten people within that five minutes, probably disseminating information: get that paper in, see me after school, your book is in the office, tuck your shirt in, get to class. I might also respond to a couple of questions: do we need our book today? will you be here after school? would you unlock my classroom? 

These were all quick exchanges.  Necessary?  Yes.  Deep and life-changing?  Not likely.  That is not to say I didn’t ever have deep and life-changing conversations.  I did, but most of my time was spent on-the-go.

I move pretty slowly these days.  I don’t shout orders when I walk through the campus or the grocery store.  Nobody is regularly coming to me for help.  This shift is making me very observant.  I notice things that I might not have noticed before — there are deer eating leaves outside my window, the leaves are changing colors, I am, and have been, surrounded by amazing people.

I am healing.  Physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  No, I have not experienced a miracle, I still experience the same physical issues — pain, fatigue, and other various minor stuff — but I am learning about things that I can do to improve my health.  I must say that daily exercise is improving the way I feel. I continue to read about and experiment with dietary changes.  And, I am finding a pace that my body appreciates.

I am reconnecting with the word of God on a daily basis and am impressed with its relevance to my life.  I knew this, of course, I just hadn’t been making it a priority.  Seems I had forgotten the seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you truth of Scripture.  We heard Carl Madearis speak last night.  His simple passion for sharing the person of Jesus engaged me.  God’s love is powerful and effective.  Period.  I am remembering that and learning again to embrace it.

I am feeling things — great things.  I have been having so much fun talking with people, laughing, listening, sharing.  I may have earlier made it seem like I haven’t had any friends in the past ten or more years, not true.  However, I hadn’t allowed myself to fully invest in friendship in a very long time.  I have guarded my time, my emotions, and myself from others.   I may still be doing that, but I am realizing that with slowing down, I am more available to explore my emotions and actually feel them.

I am listening.  To others, to myself, and to God. I have often told my students ‘God gave you two ears and one mouth; respect the ratio.’  However, I haven’t fully respected the ratio.  I love to talk.  I have a lot to say.  But, so does everyone else.  If I fill up all the spaces with my words, no one else has room to speak.  This is a challenge for me, but blogging is helping.  I am putting a lot of my words on the page, and I don’t feel the need to share as many with my mouth.  This is allowing me to ask more questions and, get this, listen to the answers.  When I close my mouth I can hear others’ hearts.  I can hear my own thoughts.  I can hear the nudgings and proddings of God.

(If you just fist-pumped or said ‘Hallelujah, she is shutting up!’ I won’t judge you.)

So, in all, I highly recommend the grace period. It’s turning out to be life-changing.  I am still looking toward the end, and admittedly scanning the classified ads for positions.  However, I am pretty settled in for the next couple of months to see how I shift and and what God has planned for me in the next chapter. 

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness,

and all these things will be added to you.”

Matthew 6:33

Some real gems

~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

I just looked back over my posts from this week and realized that I have written about women for the last four days!  I wasn’t planning to do that; it just worked out that way.  And since it’s Friday, I think I will hang in there for one more.  I want to write about another group of women that I know.  I don’t belong to their group; I don’t have what they have.

One of these women was my colleague for the past nine years.  She not only taught six, yes six, sections of English, but she coached cheerleading, coordinated the senior all night party, headed the accreditation process, and did anything, I mean anything, that I asked her to do.  She went to conferences, researched teaching strategies, met with students, covered my classes when I was out of the building, and encouraged me at every turn.  Outside of school, she trains and completes half-marathons, shares her karaoke skills every Tuesday night, and sets a high bar as aunt-of-the-century to her niece and nephews.  The girl doesn’t quit. Oh, yeah, did I mention she sings in the church choir, teaches Sunday school, helps out at VBS, and runs the summer reading program.   And she does all this with laughter, integrity, and Christian love.

Another woman I have known for decades.  She has been a minister to youth for as long as I have known her.  She is a bit crazy, as all youth staff need to be, and so passionate about the souls of her charges.  She takes these kids on trips, teaches their confirmation classes, and looks for new ways to deliver the gospel, even after thirty years in the ‘business’.  She challenges their thinking, asks the hard questions, and isn’t afraid to tell the truth.

Still another is a woman who has raised I think seven adopted children — three still live with her.  The three that I know all have very special needs.  They are all adults, over twenty-one, but none of them can live completely alone.  I have been amazed by her willingness to do what each one needs. She relocated from Texas to Missouri so that one could get better programming.  She encourages another to be involved in a local church, by himself, so that he can have a sense of independence — walking to church, having his own friends, and serving in his own way.  She knows their stories of abuse, neglect, and challenge, and she opens up avenues to let them grow in their own way, at their own pace.

And another dear lady runs a dance studio after her long days as an engineer building things like highways and bridges and baseball stadiums — you know, basic stuff. She teaches people to dance, to stay fit, to have fun.  She runs a national event that brings dancers from across the country together.  And, you know, in her spare time she does benefits for those trapped in the sex trafficking industry, takes missions trips, and oozes the love of God on everyone around her.  Yes, oozes.

What do these women have in common?  They are all doing this as singles.  They don’t go home to the support of a partner.  They rely on family, friends, and colleagues for encouragement and support.  And, folks, they are getting God’s work done. Period.

They are soldiers.  I don’t have what they have.  Tireless energy.  Infectious passion. Unbelievable selflessness.   Their desire to serve God and others is inspiring.  I lift my glass in admiration of these women.  I thank God for them.

Proverbs 31:10, 30

she is worth far more than rubies

…a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

True story

~ Kristin ~ 2 Comments

Once upon a time there was a confused little college girl who was struggling to figure out life.  One day her friend asked her to cover a babysitting shift.  The girl agreed, and waited to be picked up at her dorm.  A snarky young youth minister named Lloyd  drove her to his nearby home where he introduced her to his perky little wife, Twila, and their energetic and wide-eyed daughters Angie and Megan.

Over the months and years, the girl played games, watched television shows, did homework, and ate snacks with the young girls while their parents went to Bible studies, led youth events, taught classes, and handled other responsibilities.

While Lloyd had a very busy position at the church, Twila, in addition to supporting him and caring for the girls, was a hospice nurse.  She went to homes and cared for many who were packing their bags.  She prayed with them and even waved goodbye as many went to meet Jesus.

The girl watched Lloyd and Twila serve everyone around them, claiming no fame for themselves, but always doing what was best for others. (It’s true, I’m not just saying that.) In fact, when the girl was in need of a place to stay, not once, but twice, Lloyd and Twila moved Angie and Megan into one bedroom so that the girl could have the other.  They allowed the girl to ‘cook’ (lots of oopses along the way), ‘clean’, and transport the girls in exchange for room and board.

Many years later, when the girl was grown with children of her own, and living far away in another state, Lloyd and Twila moved with their granddaughters just a literal stone’s throw away.  Again the girl was touched by the servant hearts of Lloyd and Twila who, even though they were busy, were never too busy to give a hug, sincere eye contact, and a listening ear.

Even when Twila got breast cancer, she still seemed to give more to those who were caring for her than they could give to her.  The girl watched her minister to other women who thought they were bringing meals and cards to encourage Twila.  Even when she was loaded with chemo, Twila beamed at everyone who came into her view. She remembered faces and names, and prayed for others continually.

Later, as they once again moved far away, the girl watched Twila tolerate cancer for many, many years.  She also watched Lloyd,  in his matter-of-fact way, care for Twila and love her through that long battle.  She admired Angela and Megan as they grew into adulthood watching their mother fight and learning how to love like she did.  She marveled at the granddaughters who had front row seats for such models of love and faithfulness.

Then, one day, at just the right time, the family noticed that Twila’s bags were packed.  They gathered around her, called out to legions of friends far and wide to pray,  and waved goodbye as she went to meet Jesus.

The girl watched from afar, thanked God for touching her life with these people , and wept.

[she] fought the good fight, [she] finished the race,

[she] kept the faith…

2 Tim 4:7

Being Social

~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

Life is weird right now.

The last time I didn’t have a job I had three children at home with me.  They were 8, 9, and 11.  The activities of my life were ordered around their needs and desires.  A typical day would have been structured around three meals at appropriate times, outdoor activities, reading, playing, caring for the house, and personal hygiene.  I didn’t have much wiggle room.  If I wanted to do something without children, I had to do some coordinating with my husband, who was very cooperative, or arrange playdates with friends.

It’s a whole new world in 2014.

Chester doesn’t demand much.  At the moment, he is curled up at my feet under the desk where I am writing.  He’s been feed and watered.  So, now the day is mine to do as I please.  Hmmm.  Interesting.

I have shared that I have established a routine to start my days.  My husband informed me this weekend, in his counselor’s wisdom, that ‘establishing routines is one of the best things you can do during a transition’.  Thanks, dear.  Most days include Bible study, blogging, exercise, reading, my favorite Netflix show, and some socializing.

In order to keep track of how I am doing medically, I have obtained an app that tracks my diet, exercise, social interactions, rest, and symptoms.  Each day I record all the data and the app charts my ‘self-management’ and the ‘arthritis impact’.  It’s actually quite fascinating.  The app has confirmed that I am doing some of the right things to minimize my symptoms, but reminded me that I could be doing more.

One of the most striking realizations from this app is that social interactions are very important to my well-being.  Who knew?  I realized that diet, exercise, rest, and medication played a part, but hanging out with people?  Casually?

For the past ten years, I have squeezed in some socializing on the fringes of my very busy teaching and parenting schedule.  In spite of my combat mode, God did bless me with some great people who met me where I was and endured the ‘current state of affairs’.  I am not sure they would recognize me at the moment.  I joke that I have gone from type AAA to a casual type B.  I used to be at school before 7:00 am, dressed and pressed,  in order to get my ducks in a row. Now it is not rare to find me still in pajamas at noon!  I may have already done my Bible study, blogged, and straightened the house, but I’m still not ready to greet the public.

But today is different!  Today I have not one, but TWO, social engagements!!!  I mean, I’m just trying to improve my health here!  This morning I am meeting a new friend to go walking.  This afternoon I am meeting a dear friend who I haven’t seen in ages!  I know, I know, I was supposed to go grocery shopping and mail a couple of packages, but, guys, it’s for my health!

In all seriousness, I feel so blessed to have this season of transition, this grace period where I have room to breathe, time to think, and freedom to socialize.  I am extra blessed that God has plunked me down in a space where I can connect with friends, new and old.  And, really, the groceries can wait.

I John 4:11

Dear friends, since God loved us,

we also ought to love one another.

Not just for women, but about women

~ Kristin ~ 1 Comment

When did the shift happen?  When did it become ok to portray women as competitors and even enemies of one another?  Do you know what I am talking about?  The images are everywhere — magazines, television, movies, books.  The idea that I need to be better than other women — thinner, smarter, more powerful, sexier, better dressed — permeates our culture in such a way that potential allies are turned into suspects.

I believed the lie for quite a while.  Very few women passed enough tests and criteria to be allowed into my inner circle of trust.  Once in, they were placed on an extremely high pedestal from which they will surely never fall.  But getting there took a pretty special combination of traits — honesty, humor, authenticity, strength, and the resilience to let my crap bounce off of them.  Few were chosen.

Many were kept at arm’s length for whatever reason — I could fabricate a reason in a heartbeat.  I missed out on the blessing of many female friendships because of my insecurities and the belief that I needed to be suspicious of the enemy.

That belief is a lie of the one and only enemy.

Women need one another.  

I knew I needed my inner circle  — I had a best friend all through elementary school who remains so high on the pedestal that the mention of her name brings me pause. I had a partner in crime through middle and high school whose name can still bring out the mischievous teenager in me.  I bonded with a dear friend in my freshman year of college who was so steadfast that though our time together was short, she remains on the pedestal today.  My dear friend from the rest of undergrad has earned the title of aunt to my children and godmother to my baby because of the way our hearts are knit together.   These women…they had a hand in shaping me.  I didn’t suspect their loyalty.  I didn’t question their motives.  They unconditionally supported me.

But I believed they were rare and that real women didn’t act that way.  Real women wanted to judge me and outdo me.  They were suspect and not to be trusted.

I was wrong.

We all need each other.  We need encouragement.  We need eye contact.  We need to be heard and understood.  We need affirmation and acceptance.  Unconditionally.  When we don’t get it, sometimes our claws come out.  We start thinking that others are the competition. We even behave as though we are trying to outdo one another.

I have been noticing a lot of women lately.  I have been noticing they aren’t out to get me.  They are reaching out to me: inviting me to lunch, or to go on a walk, or to visit their church.  They are encouraging me: through email, text, Facebook, and in person. They are befriending me.

I am beginning to believe that most women really want to be in relationship with one another, not in competition with one another. Is it possible, that our media is (gasp) giving us an inaccurate portrayal of reality? (It’s just a question, folks, not a political statement.)

I’m going to go out on a limb here.  Instead of trusting my long held and faulty beliefs, I am going to trust God and take a few chances on some women. I think they can be trusted.  I mean, they are taking a chance on me. 

Romans 12: 10…16

…be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves…

live in harmony with one another…

Love that lasts

~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

During this time of transition, my husband and I are visiting many churches — some of them because he is speaking there, others because we want to get to know the area and find a church home, and still others because we want to learn where those we are serving with are worshiping.  Today was option three.

We worshiped with one of my husband’s coworkers at an area church that is focused on outreach — they are very intentional about connecting with the community in very tangible ways. Pretty cool place.

The message today was centered on how to have love that lasts — sure, marital love, but also love between friends, between parent and child, etc.

I will take a short commercial break to let you know that my husband and I, along with a half-dozen other couples, were asked to stand in the aisles of the church and dance.  It’s not what you think…the pastor had all the married couples stand like they often do at weddings.  Then he asked those who had been married five years or more to remain standing, then those who were married ten years or more, etc.  Finally, all the couples who were married more than twenty-three years were invited into the aisles. Music was played.  The couples danced, and then were invited to sit as the years ticked on.  You know the drill.  The final couple standing had been married forty-three years! What a blessing!

The pastor then suggested three methods for planning for a ‘love that will last’.

  • Worship God
  • Work on yourself
  • Serve your spouse

Three steps.  Should be easy, right?  Read them again.  Not so easy.

However, I have to say that after twenty-four years of marriage I have to agree with his strategy.  Although we are flawed human beings who have not always put God first in our lives, we did marry with the intent of serving God together.  I believe that this foundation is the sole reason that we are still together after all these years.  It hasn’t all been a walk in the park.  There have been some (very) difficult days, weeks, months, and even years.   The grace of God coupled with our commitment from the beginning to hang in there, no matter what, has held us together.

Now, I may have started this marriage thinking that both of us were perfect and that we were perfect for each other, but I have since faced reality.  I will admit that I noticed his flaws before my own.  Shocking, I know.  But I remember quite clearly one day, in a living room with sculpted brown carpeting, when I was very upset with my husband. He had the audacity to suggest that he was not the one who would ever make me happy.  What?  Well, then, why in the world did I marry him?  Amidst my fussing and fuming, he reminded me that the only one who would truly bring me contentment would be God, since He is the only one who is not selfish or flawed.  Well, then.

It may have been about that time that I began to look in the mirror.  Small glances at first.  A lot needed to be addressed; it would take a life time.  I’m still working on it.

As far as the third area that the pastor suggested, I must say that my husband has always been better at serving me than I am him.  In fact, it began on the night that he proposed to me.  He washed my feet, yes, literally washed my feet with a basin and a towel, and then told me that he wanted to serve me for the rest of our lives.  And, so far, he has done that.  Even during the ugly times, he has put me, and the children before himself.  He has gone without to make sure that we wouldn’t have to. He has stayed up late and gotten up early to make sure that we could all sleep as much as we needed.  He has worked his tail off to provide for us.  But most importantly, he has served us by serving God first.  We haven’t all always appreciated that, but it was precisely the right thing to do.

I don’t know if I will ever be as much of a servant to him as he has been to me.  I still get distracted by protecting myself, you know, kicking butts and taking names.  But, it is getting easier all the time to take care of him, especially when I realize how well cared-for I have been.

This morning was a good reminder of how blessed we have been.  I am glad that we have this grace period to pause and take stock. We are rich to have a love that lasts.

Matthew 19:6

…what God has joined together, let no one separate.

My journey

~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever plotted your life journey on a map?

I’ve done it a couple of times in the classroom.  My students and I were once reading a book about a girl who had lived all over the country with her job-hopping aunt.  We plotted her life, and then I plotted mine via GoogleMaps to show them the journey.

My St. Louis, Missouri students always thought I was making up the fact that I grew up in St. Louis, Michigan and that I went to St. Louis High School.  So, I always had to prove to them that it did exist.

This morning I was reading about the travels of Paul, Silas, and Timothy.  My Bible study had me combing through Acts to plot a portion of their journey on a Biblical map.  It’s pretty incredible, actually.  Their commitment to share the Gospel had them trekking all over the countryside with no help from Expedia or Hotwire.  And, often, they were chased out of town by a violent mob, or worse, tossed in the slammer for a while.

I wouldn’t say my journey has been that dramatic. I am going to try to share a link to a map I created this morning that shows all the places I have lived in my just under fifty years*.  There are twelve points on the map representing the different towns/cities I have lived in.  Within those cities and towns I have lived in multiple houses.

The point of the Bible study was to look at how God had nudged or shoved each of us through our decisions.  How he had orchestrated my life journey. So, I got a bit introspective.  I got to thinking that any little change along the way could have reconfigured my whole life.  Have you ever thought about that?

What if my parents had not divorced, and we had moved with my dad to Indiana? How might my life be different?

What if I hadn’t transferred from Michigan State to Concordia so long ago?

What if my husband and I had not resigned our positions and moved to be closer to our son?

What if we had chosen to not go to the Seminary with three school-aged children?

What if he had not accepted this call back to Michigan?

So much would be different!  With any of those choices or so many other decisions, the trajectory would have been altered dramatically!

But, God allowed this journey.  He placed me in a loving family that has now stretched from coast to coast. He gave me lifelong friends from each location along the way.  He shaped me through my experiences as a student, a teacher, a mother, a wife. He has led us from one step through the next, all the while shielding and protecting us.

And through all the moves and transitions in my life, I (and you) have been sitting right in the palm of His hand.  It is mind-boggling. I wouldn’t change one step.

Psalm 20:24

A person’s steps are directed by the Lord…

* http://www.mapcustomizer.com/map/klrlifemap

Walking, part 2

~ Kristin ~ Leave a comment

On the heels of sharing the blessings of my aunt, uncle, and my grandparents, I read my Bible study this morning that focused on hindrances that keep us from doing what God has planned for us.

The study looked at three hindrances — others, Satan, and good old numero uno, that’s right, the person in the mirror.

If I’m going to be honest, and by now, you know I am going to be, my chief hindrance has always been … me.  Sure, I have faced human opposition.  Of course, I have experienced spiritual warfare. But really, Satan doesn’t have to spend as much time on me as he does on others, because I create my own issues.

You already know that my biggest hindrance is my belief that I am self-sufficient, battling through all obstacles, kicking butts and taking names. I prefer doing to being, and I often do so much that I don’t listen to others, let alone God.

In spite of this, God has managed to use me for ministry.  It’s usually like an out of body experience when a student or friend comes to me in the middle of my busy-ness, pours out her heart, and asks me for help or prayer.  I think to myself, “Wow, God kinda plunked that down right in front of me, didn’t He.”  He has to be very obvious to get my attention.  There are usually tears involved.  I am aware enough to notice tears. Or, a cluster of frantic teenagers saying something like, “Mrs. Rathje, you have to do something!”  Ok, ok!  You’ve got my attention.

But, in the spirit of the next chapter, I am trying to do things differently.  And, in the spirit of full-disclosure, I must remind you that God fully-orchestrated this next chapter.  He interrupted my busy-ness to bring me to this grace period.  He initiated the chain of events that led me to this Bible study.  He has provided my little house by the river.

And, you know, in the last two months (yes, I have been in Ann Arbor two months!) I have been noticing a lot more. I have been able to hear that still small voice, and have even been willing to listen to it.   I have been able to see the people around me, and notice what is happening in their lives.  I am embarrassed to say that this is a new experience.

When you are in your combat gear, moving at break-neck speed, everyone blurs together.  Yeah.

So, visiting my Uncle Louis and Aunt Margaret, remembering Grandpa and Grandma Meyer, and realizing their commitment to loving God and loving me, I am inspired to shift.  I see the blessings in fully-embracing this next chapter.  I am not sure what all God has planned, but I am willing to watch and see.  I am willing to toss the combat gear.  I am willing to walk into whatever it is that He has set before me.

Hebrews 12: 1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,

let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely,

and let us [walk] with endurance the race that is set before us.