Well, you probably could have called this one.
That’s right — my body started waving a white flag. Not insistently, not wailing in pain or gasping for breath, but nevertheless, waving that flag. I was leaving one parent and driving to the next before a planned holiday celebration with another relative when I first felt a tapping on my shoulder, heard a subtle clearing of the throat, and then turned to see it — the small square of white moving back and forth in my periphery.
I waved it away — I had one more stop before I arrived at fun, and I was determined to get there.
That “stop” was not glorious — it involved some demanding (from me), some literal bile (from the patient), some apologizing (from me), and some explaining (from the medical personnel).
Sigh.
I stayed until the situation was resolved then climbed back into my vehicle which has seen a lot more of me lately than is typical. “Come on, Tina Turner,” I said to my smoking hot Cayenne Chevy Trax, “let’s find some coffee and get to the fun.”
Now, some of you who have been following along just felt an involuntary raise of your eyebrow. Coffee? you ask. I thought you don’t drink coffee because it interferes with your homeopathic medicines.
Sssshhh! I’m enjoying my delicious oat milk latte over here!
Sure, I should’ve been chugging more water, doing some breathing exercises, and finding other ways to offload some cortisol, but wouldn’t you prefer an overly priced coffee beverage, too?
I have been slipping away from my regimented life just a bit as of late. Sure, I had intentions of getting back on my Artist’s Way journey — reading and writing every morning and taking artist dates. Yes, it’s summer and I have a break from my school workload and the freedom to implement routines. But, starting the summer off with a trip followed by multiple shorter trips to my parents’ has probably created a little space in which I could choose routine or impulsivity.
And, when left to my own devices, I am probably going to be impulsive. When my sister-in-law texted to see if we wanted to join them for dinner at the local Mexican place, my mother and I said “Of course!” When my brothers ordered oversized Margaritas, I did too! When I drove past a Starbucks, I pulled right in and got my fix! These things might seem small — a margarita here, a cup of coffee there, but when combined with the added stress of family illness, and some inconsistent sleep patterns, a person like me is probably going to get a few symptoms. And, typically when I get a symptom or two, the best way to resolve it is to head to the couch.
I’ve written a lot about my time on the couch as a person who lives with autoimmune disease, but I imagine every body has its limit and is prone to admit surrender if pushed too far.
We do demand a lot. We expect our bodies to be able to work, exercise, shop, garden, socialize, support our family and friends, and still put a meal on the table most nights. And, our bodies, amazing as they are, typically step up to the task and deliver — day after day after day. They can handle stressors such as difficult seasons at work, typical family crises, and other breaks in routine without much difficulty, but even for healthy bodies, stressors can accumulate and force us to take rest.
But when I initially saw that white flag, I was not interested in rest. I wanted to have some fun. So, clutching my steaming drink, I finished my drive to the destination, walked in the house, and settled in with my brother- and sister-in-law. We’d had this celebration scheduled for a while, and I had been looking forward to it. We chatted and caught up, we ate delicious (as usual) food, we played a game, we drank wine, we stayed up late, and I woke up in the morning with a big white flag waving over my bed.
“Fine,” I said. “Gimme a minute.”
I crawled out of bed, did a little yoga, grabbed my phone and headed out on a short walk. I checked in with my parents, then, dialed the number of my primary care physician. I gave the symptoms and the person on the other end of the phone said a nurse would call me back.
I glared at the dude with the white flag, “You happy now?”
He receded from my view, and I headed back to fun — coffee tasting, a delicious breakfast, more chatting and laughing, and then back to Tina Turner and another hour in the car.
When I arrived home, I took care of a few responsibilities and was headed out for another walk when my phone rang. It was the nurse asking to review my symptoms. She ordered antibiotics, extra fluids, and — of course — rest.
And that’s what I did all weekend.
It is annoying to be sidelined, of course, but it is also a good reminder. I have routines and rules because they keep me feeling well. They keep me healthy and able to manage the everyday demands and — usually — the unexpected stressors that often show up in life.
It’s really not unreasonable to get regular sleep, eat a healthy diet, get a little exercise each day, and avoid the foods and beverages that tend to give you a little trouble. And, for the last many years, I have — with a few diversions off the path — been following a pretty regimented life course in order to stay healthy. When I veer off the path too far, I get a weekend like this to remind me to get back to it.
Now, I’m not saying I’m not gonna occasionally enjoy an oat milk latte — I mean, I found the best one ever midway between my house and my parents’ house –nor am I going to always turn down a margarita — despite the excessive amount of sugar contained therein — but I am going to be mindful of the accumulative effect of these choices, particularly when I am managing more than typical amounts of stress.
That’s the thing, isn’t it? When we are under stress, we want our historical comforts — ice cream, peanut butter and jelly, warm coffee, a drink with friends or family — and they can, ironically, make us feel “cared for”. And really, I’m not at all saying those things are wrong. In fact, during times of stress, we should care for and even treat ourselves. We just have to remember how our body responds to stress and what it needs to stay healthy.
For me that means a lot of routine: water, daily vitamins and supplements, a probiotic, green (and occasional black) tea, a gluten-free/dairy-free diet, daily exercise including yoga and walking, writing, reading, and plenty of rest.
So, I’ve been spending a few days lying around, dabbling in the garden, eating fresh fruit and veggies, drinking a small amount of tea, watching movies and reading books, and my body is recovering. It’s taking a little longer than I’d hoped, but I’ll be ready to roll again pretty soon.
And hopefully, when I get rolling, I’ll stay on course for a while — and my oat milk latte can continue to be a treat.
Shhhh! A girl needs at least one extravagance every now and again.
Next Chapter 